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Think my relationship is over 6 months before my wedding
Comments
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But is that your choice or is the Housing Association really refusing to consider you? I fail to see why the bedroom tax is relevant.Been on local housing list for 7 years. Was number 3 for a 3 bedroom at one point but thanks to the bedroom tax we now have to wait until dd turns 10 before we qualify and our house is not the largest.0 -
I agree, nothing wrong with an 18month old still being in your room, if it suits you to move them at the recommended 6 months old, that's fine too but some people prefer having there child closer or the child themselves prefer it, no way I'd upset my child for sex!
Just get inventive, have baths together at night etc although I appreciate maybe a bit more difficult with a 9 year old in the house too. I know some people do a date night once a week/fortnight/month whichever there budget and life allows. Where you turn off electronic devices and just have some really good quality time, whether that's a takeaway or cooking something yummy for dinner, just having time to talk and connect with one another.
I do think people really under estimate what having a child can do to a relationship. We have a 2 year old and it's still not fully recovered. We are making every effort possible but my partner works quite long hours, I'm at home with our child full time, by the time 7pm comes and he's in bed, I'm shattered and mentally drained from answering the same questions over and over again and my OH is drained from being out from before 6am so we just want time to unwind, on our own.The frontier is never somewhere else. And no stockades can keep the midnight out.0 -
Can you postpone the wedding? Having that weighing on your mind might push you into ending a relationship that could have been saved.
It might give you some breathing space."fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." (Bertrand Russell)0 -
It's supposed to be the most exciting and perfect day for any woman but I am dreading my wedding day.
I can't get excited by it and rather than feeling the butterflies every time someone mentions the big day I get a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.
No-one wants to be so unhappy in their relationship, that the thought of committing to a partner and entwining the rest of their life to them, makes them feel this awful. For his sake and yours you need to be completely open and honest with this guy and explain just how you are feeling. The only thing I would be booking right now is relationship counselling. A wedding, reception, flowers, cake, photographers etc wouldn't even be on the radar at this moment, if I felt the way you do toward a partner. It is the only way you can give yourselves a chance of finding happiness, and the sense of wellbeing and security every couple should share. I am very sorry you are going through such an upsetting time and I hope you can both work it out.The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.0 -
It sounds like you both love each other, but "life" is getting in the way.
Stick with it, things do get better. I find it harder to get some action with teenagers in the house than I ever did with a toddler!0 -
I don't mean to derail the thread, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with an 18 month old being in its parents' room. Ours was in our bed and we still managed to maintain a sex life. Actually, for both of us our sex life took second place to our child, which is as it should be!
No, some people are perfectly happy with an 18 month old being in the parents' room, which is fine - but the OP specifically says that part of the problem is their sex life is not good and she thinks this is due to him being in their room. So clearly it is not working for them!0 -
We are only in a 2 bedroom property and can't afford to move to a larger property. Been on local housing list for 7 years. Was number 3 for a 3 bedroom at one point but thanks to the bedroom tax we now have to wait until dd turns 10 before we qualify and our house is not the largest.
We discussed moving ds into dd room and thats happening next week.
Could you move into the smaller room and use the larger room for the children - dividing it with furniture?Maybe it should have happened sooner but he works full time, I work two part time jobs 6 days a week and as we have to swap rooms, it'll take more than a day.
As for making use of other rooms in the house I suggested this, maybe candles, music possibly for me finishing work at 9 - never happened!
Candles and music? Is that really necessary? I think you may have an over-romanticised vision of what life should be like... you're both hard working and have two kids... that's pretty tiring. Just being together should be enough without insisting your OH provides candles and music.
Anyway, getting on to the bigger picture - do you love your OH? Do you think that he loves you? That's what you need to concentrate on before you go through with the marriage.:hello:0 -
Or alternatively look for other opportunities for sex. It doesn't have to take place in the bedroom! (We coslept with our child for over 3 years on and off.). It's not very fair to disrupt the toddler because the parents want sex.
Get inventive!!!
Me and husband often do it in the living room, we pull all the cushions off the sofa onto the floor and put some music on then get on down! Have you tried anything like that? Or in the shower/bath? Or it might be time for the kids to haveva sleepover with a friend so you have the place to yourselves?
It sounds like the weekend away worked wonders before, there's clearly a strong relationship there, it just sounds like everyday life is blurring things. It's really hard to work fulltime and raise kids, you get up washed dressed, drop them off, work all day, rush home to feed bathe and bed the kids before even thinking about yourselves, then you have to do it all again the next day!
I fully sympathise, you and your oh need some quality time, even anight in with a takeaway and some wine would be a good setting to be able to sit down and talk. I would seriously consider postponing your wedding if it's having this effect on you. It should be a happy day, I spent my wedding day miserable and it is so sad to look back on, don't make the same mistake.0 -
I agree, nothing wrong with an 18month old still being in your room, if it suits you to move them at the recommended 6 months old, that's fine too but some people prefer having there child closer or the child themselves prefer it, no way I'd upset my child for sex!
Just to correct this point, the recommendation is that babies under the age of 6 months shouldn't sleep in their own rooms, not that they should be moved when they get to 6 months. Its quite an important difference. There are many many benefits for the child and parents (particularly the mother) in sharing a bed/room past 6 months.0
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