Think my relationship is over 6 months before my wedding

Gillyx

*SuzySue* wrote: »

Just to correct this point, the recommendation is that babies under the age of 6 months shouldn't sleep in their own rooms, not that they should be moved when they get to 6 months. Its quite an important difference. There are many many benefits for the child and parents (particularly the mother) in sharing a bed/room past 6 months.

Iv worded that incorrectly we room shared until over 1 year, and co slept for a good while in the beginning, what I meant to say was, if you want to move them at the earliest recommended you can I.e 6 months sorry x

flossy_splodge

*SuzySue* wrote: »

Just to correct this point, the recommendation is that babies under the age of 6 months shouldn't sleep in their own rooms, not that they should be moved when they get to 6 months. Its quite an important difference. There are many many benefits for the child and parents (particularly the mother) in sharing a bed/room past 6 months.

What a load of bull.
Children survived for generations without being in the same room as their parents. Get a grip.
Sounds like there are lots of excuses and not much open and honest conversation.
For a relationship to work long term you must want to 'share' how you're both feeling. Try some shock tactics? eg be honest about not being ready to plan the wedding. Just be warned that you might find he feels the same!! How will that feel?
Life isn't perfect, particularly once children come along, so look logically at your issues and be inventive with your solutions.
There have been a few suggestions on here : why does a room move have to take a day? Why can't you start with just moving the bed(s) and do it in stages?
Compromise compromise compromise!!
Good luck.

saving2704

I'm sorry to hear your story. But I was in a similar position. A few months before my wedding I began thinking something's not right. We weren't getting along and things were quiet on the bedroom front. I thought it was because of wedding pressure and nerves, and we had a chat about it and reconnected but it only lasted a few days. 2.5 years after the wedding it all fell apart and I'm now divorced. I must admit I kicked myself with not going with my gut and cancelling the wedding. So my advice is go with your gut. Don't be led by thinking "it will work itself out". The stage before your wedding should be the happiest, it should be exciting and romantic.

meritaten

I agree - mundane working life, exhaustion dealing with kids and everything else. and if you both like routine then that can lead to 'living in a rut' you cant get out of. except on holiday. when you rediscover your love.
problem is, by the time you get home, have evening meal ,get everything ready for the morning etc - you sound like you both fall into bed exhausted. and get up and the merry go round starts again.
what about weekends? do you both work both days? because if not and I were you - bu99er doing housework - you do that in the week. weekends are for fun. during the day its fun with the kids - get them knackered and settled down, and evenings are for you. just like on holiday!

[Deleted User]

Nada666 wrote: »

But is that your choice or is the Housing Association really refusing to consider you? I fail to see why the bedroom tax is relevant.

Because, in general, current social rented housing rules state that children of different genders can share rooms up until the age of 10 years. Therefore, if the OP was offered a tenancy of 3 bed HA home, then the 3rd bedroom could be deemed to be 'spare' or under-occupied until one child is 10. 'Bedroom tax' rules are being applied quite zealously in some council areas, and if the HA is an ex-council landlord then there may be crossover in applying the rules.

However it's unlikely to be for that reason that the OP didn't get the tenancy, more likely that someone in greater housing need was offered it.

TBH, it is also more likely that 1 and 2 bed homes will be in more demand as the new HB rules bite, and the OP will have more chance to gain tenancy of a larger home.

duchy

I've always felt co-sleeping was a luxury of the SAHM and for most women once maternity leave is over if they are working fulltime-they need to sleep as undisturbed as is possible with young children. Most toddlers are too wriggly for that !

*SuzySue*

flossy_splodge wrote: »

What a load of bull.
Children survived for generations without being in the same room as their parents. Get a grip.

British children are the (or certainly one of the) unhappiest in the world. Most likely because they're expected to be independent pretty much from birth. Consumerism means lots of families require both parents to work full time (to buy stuff they don't really need). Before the victorian era it was common for children to stay in their parents' room. The Victorian view of children "being seen but not heard" has done a huge amount of damage to the children that have followed.

In other societies it's common to breastfeed and sleep with children for years, not months. Oddly enough they parent instinctively rather than by the rules of some nazi baby trainer.

*SuzySue*

duchy wrote: »

I've always felt co-sleeping was a luxury of the SAHM and for most women once maternity leave is over if they are working fulltime-they need to sleep as undisturbed as is possible with young children. Most toddlers are too wriggly for that !

Just buy the biggest bed you can get. We all slept perfectly well. Or put the child in another bed in the same room.

A.n.o.n

Thanks for the replies/advice. OH and I had heart to heart yesterday and we have both been neglecting each other possibly me more than him and neither of ud want to feel distant or unhappy. We both need to make the effort and have decided on date nights and getting out the routine we seem to be in.
I have been really stressed with having two jobs - 1 which I only started 2 months ago, planning our wedding, the transition of being on maternity leave for a year then having to return to work and trying to keep on top of the housework.
I have a good man and yes I Suppose life has got in the way a bit - can I imagine life without him? No.
As for ds, he is moving in with dd but as we have the larger room, we need to swap hence why it will take more than a day.
As for the housing association, they have 3 bedroom properties in the most undesirable of locations available to rent and I phoned up as oh and I both work and can afford the £400 odd per month rent but they won't house us until dd is 10! Those houses are still available and have been for the past 8 months or so but on the bright side, when dd is 10 we can look at more desirable areas :-)

heartbreak_star

Can you private rent?

HBS x