Think my relationship is over 6 months before my wedding

ViolaLass

*SuzySue* wrote: »

I thought I'd validated my comment sufficiently, but it seems not. Do you need me to highlight the posts that back up my statements?

In general, we all buy and waste far too much food. Children have toys in place of parental interaction. Parents aren't prepared to make sacrifices for their children anymore. And it's the children that suffer.

Is that a helpful generalisation?

flossy_splodge

*SuzySue* wrote: »

British children are the (or certainly one of the) unhappiest in the world. Most likely because they're expected to be independent pretty much from birth. Consumerism means lots of families require both parents to work full time (to buy stuff they don't really need). Before the victorian era it was common for children to stay in their parents' room. The Victorian view of children "being seen but not heard" has done a huge amount of damage to the children that have followed.

In other societies it's common to breastfeed and sleep with children for years, not months. Oddly enough they parent instinctively rather than by the rules of some nazi baby trainer.

Dear oh dear oh dear.
Such a pity you're not this country's dictator as you are so sure you know so much and are right.
We're all entitled to our own opinion and I'm a scientist and I don't 'know' the err 'facts' you state so categorically.
One reason why people grow up to be unhappy is if they have not learnt to consider a wide range of opinions and be flexible to the beliefs of others.
Just wonder if you're English in origin?
We do have our own funny little ways.
Oh yes, just like most nationalities!

*SuzySue*

flossy_splodge wrote: »

Dear oh dear oh dear.
Such a pity you're not this country's dictator as you are so sure you know so much and are right.
We're all entitled to our own opinion and I'm a scientist and I don't 'know' the err 'facts' you state so categorically.
One reason why people grow up to be unhappy is if they have not learnt to consider a wide range of opinions and be flexible to the beliefs of others.
Just wonder if you're English in origin?
We do have our own funny little ways.
Oh yes, just like most nationalities!

No, I'm not. There are 3 other countries in the UK though (you might have heard of them). I'm from one of them.

What area of science do you work in? Only no scientist I know knows everything about everything. If you were a marine biologist and not a parent then I wouldn't expect you to know much about parenting science!

*SuzySue*

ViolaLass wrote: »

Is that a helpful generalisation?

Prove me wrong then.

"children themselves said their happiness relied more on time spent with family and friends and "having plenty to do outdoors", UK parents -- particularly in lower-income households -- instead felt under "tremendous pressure" to ply them with consumer goods."

http://www.theguardian.com/society/shortcuts/2012/jun/27/why-british-children-so-unhappy

"a landmark report from Unicef last year that found British parents were trapping their children in a cycle of "compulsive consumerism" by showering them with toys and designer labels instead of spending quality time with them."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/9357146/British-children-unhappiest-in-the-world-say-academics.html

claire16c

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

Our child has slept in her own room from the day she came back from the hospital and we've never had a problem.

The current guidelines due to the risk of cot death say that they should be with you in the same room day & night when sleeping for the first 6 months.

Unfortunately some people have had a 'problem' not that I'd word it as that, hence the guidelines.

flossy_splodge

claire16c wrote: »

The current guidelines due to the risk of cot death say that they should be with you in the same room day & night when sleeping for the first 6 months.

Unfortunately some people have had a 'problem' not that I'd word it as that, hence the guidelines.

This is sort of the point.
It's the nanny state syndrome. Get a car accident on a short hill because a driver with poor judgement overtakes unwisely and causes an accident and the authorities put double white lines all the way up the hill even tho statistically this was a minority situation. We've got the same in many areas of our lives.
In childcare and rearing the authorities pander to the lowest common denominator and EVERYONE is told 'this MUST be done'.
No common sense allowed.
I have a daughter very recently given birth to her first child and increasingly she is telling me 'I now see what you mean, the advice we got was not good'.
But then my daughter is a highly intelligent young woman capable of thinking for herself and not needing to be dictated to.
She is now considering 'ALL' angles BEFORE taking decisions.
Hurray for common sense.

*SuzySue*

flossy_splodge wrote: »

This is sort of the point.
It's the nanny state syndrome. Get a car accident on a short hill because a driver with poor judgement overtakes unwisely and causes an accident and the authorities put double white lines all the way up the hill even tho statistically this was a minority situation. We've got the same in many areas of our lives.
In childcare and rearing the authorities pander to the lowest common denominator and EVERYONE is told 'this MUST be done'.
No common sense allowed.
I have a daughter very recently given birth to her first child and increasingly she is telling me 'I now see what you mean, the advice we got was not good'.
But then my daughter is a highly intelligent young woman capable of thinking for herself and not needing to be dictated to.
She is now considering 'ALL' angles BEFORE taking decisions.
Hurray for common sense.

Finally something I can agree with you on.

We've researched issues when the advice given didn't match what my/our instincts were telling me. I couldn't breastfeed conventionally, but didn't want to give formula. I expressed milk for over a year. Our daughter was 8 months old before we considered moving her to her own room. We decided against it, having read and talked a lot to others, and bought a bigger bed for her to share with us. The Health Visitor was pretty insistent that purees were the only way to wean. We did baby led weaning. We didn't expect her to sleep when we wanted her to. We waited until she was ready to potty train rather than rush her too soon. She's a very happy, well adjusted girl.

I'm sure that in 20 years time you won't be able to tell the difference between her and another child parented according to "the rules", but we'll have done it having thought about it, not just as society expected. It's hard work, but so worth it.

Kazza_Monkey

Just wanted to wish a.n.o.n good luck with rebuilding her relationship. I myself have been with my now husband for nearly 21 years, since I was 12 years old and we have had our fair share of good and bad times but we wouldnt have it any other way we do love each other and our little girls unconditionally.

I guess as OP on here has said I am a truly terrible mother as I work full time as does my husband. We dont have lots of luxuries neither do our children we are just surviving on low pay and high house prices and yes we live in the rich area of the south east where money oozes out of our pores (apparently). I have lived here my whole life my family which we are very close with also live here so moving out of the area is never going to be an option.

I come from a family where my mother worked full time when I was a child and shock horror I'm not miserable, or depressed we always made the most of the time together that we had, we still do. Likewise I make the most of the time I have with my own children and they are happy little girls and are both doing really well at school.
So yes if providing a roof over the head of my children, with food, clothes, and books and toys makes me a bad mother then I guess you must be right..................

ska_lover

*SuzySue* wrote: »

British children are the (or certainly one of the) unhappiest in the world. Most likely because they're expected to be independent pretty much from birth. Consumerism means lots of families require both parents to work full time (to buy stuff they don't really need).

Independant from birth? LOL if only!! Do you live in the trees or something?

Parents of teens/young adults have brought up the boomerang generation. There are more young adults living at home with parents, than ever before. They are struggling to get on their feet, no jobs, no houses. More uni graduates returning home than ever before

Maybe its UK parents who are the unhappiest, as a lot of my own generation were well on our feet by our mid twenties and some even already own houses at that age, and the young adults now seem to struggle to do this - hence the parents are still parenting until much later in life than they were a generation ago.

justme111

flossy_splodge wrote: »

This is sort of the point.
It's the nanny state syndrome. Get a car accident on a short hill because a driver with poor judgement overtakes unwisely and causes an accident and the authorities put double white lines all the way up the hill even tho statistically this was a minority situation. We've got the same in many areas of our lives.
In childcare and rearing the authorities pander to the lowest common denominator and EVERYONE is told 'this MUST be done'.
No common sense allowed.
I have a daughter very recently given birth to her first child and increasingly she is telling me 'I now see what you mean, the advice we got was not good'.
But then my daughter is a highly intelligent young woman capable of thinking for herself and not needing to be dictated to.
She is now considering 'ALL' angles BEFORE taking decisions.
Hurray for common sense.

Ah , nie to read someone not brainwashed . I have an issue with those "guidelines" that are like Chinese whispers very remotedly connected to any evidence. It's like this pathetic 5 a day campaign , they say 5 grapes equals to 1 portion - its ridiculous. Now they bang about 7 a day so people who eat the amount of veggies that equals to 35 grapes will feel healthy eaters !
More on the topic - my child was in the bedroom till she was 4 . She is not any cligier than any other child now and sex was never an issue - he who wants finds the way , he who does not finds an excuse.not implying it is an excuse in op's situation. I mean that in her case it is a whole bunch of things, mostly the pressure and sleep deprivation of having 2 young kids