Think my relationship is over 6 months before my wedding

A.n.o.n

Logged in as another user for this thread.

It's supposed to be the most exciting and perfect day for any woman but I am dreading my wedding day.

I can't get excited by it and rather than feeling the butterflies every time someone mentions the big day I get a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Oh and I have been together around 4 years but for the last year I feel as though I have drifted away from him. When we used to argue, I would never go to bed on an argument and want to sort it out there and then - no matter how stubborn he was but now I really could not care less if we fell out and didn't speak for a week!

We have an 18 month old together and a 9 year old from my previous relationship.

I used to drop hints about getting engaged when I was pregnant and a few months after ds was born, he proposed but ruined the whole element of surprise, as the sleepless nights kicked in and we had a blazing row where he blurted out about the ring and his plans.

I no longer feel like his partner. Before our son was born, our sex life was amazing but in the last 12 months it has became non existent and we think it's partly to do with our ds still being in our room.

We went away just the two of us a couple of months ago and really connected as a couple. Spoke in great length about the relationship and what we will both do to make the effort. Within 24 hours of being home it went back to normal. I am sick of bringing up the same subject over and over again. We no longer speak as I just don't see what the point is because it's just empty promises.

I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place as the wedding is in 6 months. I am not scared to be on my own with the kids as
I was on my own for 6 years with my dd before I met him but I came from a broken home and never wanted it for my kids.

Sorry for the essay, I just feel so confused, and can't really talk to friends or family about it. Just needed to get it off my chest.

Valli

Did you 'do' what you said you would do when you went away?

Don't underestimate the sheer drudgery of having children and the impact they can have on a relationship! You need to be kind to yourselves as well as to each other.

Why not make an effort to move your toddler out of your room ASAP?

*SuzySue*

Valli wrote: »

Why not make an effort to move your toddler out of your room ASAP?

Or alternatively look for other opportunities for sex. It doesn't have to take place in the bedroom! (We coslept with our child for over 3 years on and off.). It's not very fair to disrupt the toddler because the parents want sex.

Get inventive!!!

daisiegg

Why is your 18 month old still in your room? That is enough to put the brakes on anyone's sex life!

A.n.o.n

We are only in a 2 bedroom property and can't afford to move to a larger property. Been on local housing list for 7 years. Was number 3 for a 3 bedroom at one point but thanks to the bedroom tax we now have to wait until dd turns 10 before we qualify and our house is not the largest.
We discussed moving ds into dd room and thats happening next week.
Maybe it should have happened sooner but he works full time, I work two part time jobs 6 days a week and as we have to swap rooms, it'll take more than a day.
As for making use of other rooms in the house I suggested this, maybe candles, music possibly for me finishing work at 9 - never happened!

Valli

A.n.o.n wrote: »

Maybe it should have happened sooner but he works full time, I work two part time jobs 6 days a week and as we have to swap rooms, it'll take more than a day.
As for making use of other rooms in the house I suggested this, maybe candles, music possibly for me finishing work at 9 - never happened!

Well this speaks volumes - you must both be worn out.
Maybe get the candles out yourself?

If you managed the time away and were able to talk then there must still be something there. Unfortunately it seems that, at the moment your relationship is low on your priorites (hardly surprising) so once you were back at home you BOTH slipped back into the routine.

*SuzySue*

daisiegg wrote: »

Why is your 18 month old still in your room? That is enough to put the brakes on anyone's sex life!

I don't mean to derail the thread, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with an 18 month old being in its parents' room. Ours was in our bed and we still managed to maintain a sex life. Actually, for both of us our sex life took second place to our child, which is as it should be!

*SuzySue*

A.n.o.n wrote: »

We are only in a 2 bedroom property and can't afford to move to a larger property. Been on local housing list for 7 years. Was number 3 for a 3 bedroom at one point but thanks to the bedroom tax we now have to wait until dd turns 10 before we qualify and our house is not the largest.
We discussed moving ds into dd room and thats happening next week.
Maybe it should have happened sooner but he works full time, I work two part time jobs 6 days a week and as we have to swap rooms, it'll take more than a day.
As for making use of other rooms in the house I suggested this, maybe candles, music possibly for me finishing work at 9 - never happened!

So jump him in the shower then. Be spontaneous!

Noctu

A lot of these replies have focused on the sex aspect of it whereas it seems to me there are other issues which are just as important...

Valli

Noctu wrote: »

A lot of these replies have focused on the sex aspect of it whereas it seems to me there are other issues which are just as important...

Given this is part of the OP -

A.n.o.n wrote: »

I no longer feel like his partner. Before our son was born, our sex life was amazing but in the last 12 months it has became non existent and we think it's partly to do with our ds still being in our room.

it's hardly surprising that many responses have been about their sex life.

valk_scot

I think moving the toddler out is a very good first step. Yes some parents would feel okay having a bit of stealthy nookie while toddler was snoring away in his cot but I'm not one of them. It's hardly helpful when it comes to spontaneous passion, is it?


You do seem to have a really tiring life atm and having a small child is never helpful either when it comes to just being far to tired! The usual suggestion here is to actually schedule in date nights once or twice a month where you make a huge effort to block off some time just to be with one another. It's useful if one or both kids can spend the night with granny or the elder one go for a sleepover somewhere but not essential, you don't have to actually go out on date nights. A grown up dinner for two (M&S dine in?) a DVD, bath together etc? Even a night slumped together on the sofa with a take away is just fine as long as you're making time just for one another and not popping up and down to do laundry or surfing the web. It's important to connect through conversation and being there for one another as a couple, not just sex. Though that comes into it as well, of course! But you are going through a hard patch atm.