Regret moving!

weeze210

I'm not after sympathy just someone to listen really. We moved, Son, Husband and I two and a half years ago to rural Wales. Hubby was promised a new job that he was going to love. Lots of fresh air, big garden, decent house. Actually just trying to find reasons why we moved is making me wonder why we did it really! Job took 12months to materialise and it isn't what he thought it would be. He had to work away as an electrician till job happened. Son isn't happy, hes not doing so well at school, sits in his room on xbox talking to old friends when not at school, and I'm bloody miserable. No family visits after all the promises that they would come and stay in our spare room and enjoy a mini break with us, go walking ect. Only one friend comes when she can and one sister has been several times in the early days but not for a while. My mom has only been if my sister brings her even though she can drive and has a sat nav so won't get lost. She has even said its not too hard to find! I have a mother, a brother and three sisters, I feel so alone. Hate this house as there is loads I want to do but no money to do any of it. Hubbys wages are a joke. I want a job but its not easy when your in the middle of nowhere and I'm not really qualified for anything. I left behind another son who is thankfully doing very well and a daughter who is really struggling to be an adult and look after herself even though she is 21 this year she is very immature and I worry about her. I have also been called for jury service in shrewsbury which is an hr away and I'm terrified.
Thanks for reading.
Weeze x

stebiz

weeze210 wrote: »

I'm not after sympathy just someone to listen really. We moved, Son, Husband and I two and a half years ago to rural Wales. Hubby was promised a new job that he was going to love. Lots of fresh air, big garden, decent house. Actually just trying to find reasons why we moved is making me wonder why we did it really! Job took 12months to materialise and it isn't what he thought it would be. He had to work away as an electrician till job happened. Son isn't happy, hes not doing so well at school, sits in his room on xbox talking to old friends when not at school, and I'm bloody miserable. No family visits after all the promises that they would come and stay in our spare room and enjoy a mini break with us, go walking ect. Only one friend comes when she can and one sister has been several times in the early days but not for a while. My mom has only been if my sister brings her even though she can drive and has a sat nav so won't get lost. She has even said its not too hard to find! I have a mother, a brother and three sisters, I feel so alone. Hate this house as there is loads I want to do but no money to do any of it. Hubbys wages are a joke. I want a job but its not easy when your in the middle of nowhere and I'm not really qualified for anything. I left behind another son who is thankfully doing very well and a daughter who is really struggling to be an adult and look after herself even though she is 21 this year she is very immature and I worry about her. I have also been called for jury service in shrewsbury which is an hr away and I'm terrified.
Thanks for reading.
Weeze x

Move! You only live once. My Uncle moved to Scotland to be near his eldest Son and grandchild. Hated every minute of it. Missed his friends, football team, area where he grew up. Sold his house and moved back down here.

maggy50

Weeze

I think you may not be alone in the "Roses round the door " expectations when we up sticks to a rural area .
You say your husbands wages are a joke , was he promised more ?
Also your family not visiting very often does not help but you must face up to the fact that they have a life to live and it may not be convenient to fit in regular visits. When I lived away from my family it was visits four or five times a year if I was lucky !!
It was no other fault other than the daily grind stood in the way of us meeting up more.
You did say you do not want sympathy x

valk_scot

Is something preventing you from moving back again? There's no shame in admitting that the trial hasn't worked out.

time2deal

Move back. People make mistakes, it's better to accept that and move on rather than stubbornly stick to the mistake.

I know people who move back and forth from Australia/NZ to the UK let alone Wales!

AnnieO1234

Hi OP,

Let me start by saying don't stress too much about jury service. You will get paid for travel expenses etc, plus after your first day you might find someone else local to you in the pool to travel together. It's not some scary thing, even if you end up in a trial. The chances are you will get called into a court room but there's a high chance the defendant will change their plea and you'll not actually see a trial proper. You might not even get into a court room. Often, even in busy courts, jurors will be dismissed after a few days if trials are going faster than thought.

Okay, as for the move, I really feel your pain. I've only moved about 30 minutes from my old home but to some of my old friends I might as well have moved to the States. Anyway, you do have a few options. Look into clubs, groups and associations for you and your kids. See what takes your fancy, it might be a book club, amateur drama, the women's institute etc. get yourself out there, find something you really want to do so that the fear is overridden by the want.

Speak to your sons school, they should be able to help with integration and things. Have a party for his class, you don't have to spend a lot of money on it but it might be just the thing to get him out of his shell and others to integrate. I'm not sure whereabouts in Wales you are but I suspect you might be suffering from feeling like an outsider.

Have a look on things like people per hour and consider doing some freelance work. Look into it carefully, don't do anything related to data captcha or courier work. These are scams, typing and others are not. It won't make you millions but might give you a little bit extra.

Have you considered looking for a job in a local shop or cafe? You'd make a little money and more importantly get to know some local faces.

Xxx

Tiddlywinks

Your family members have their own lives to lead - you can't expect them to keep making the trip - you could always visit them.

This is your life, you are in the driving seat, if you don't like where you are then you need to accept that or actively do something about it.

How does your OH feel about things? You haven't really mentioned his feelings.

emsywoo123

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

This is your life, you are in the driving seat, if you don't like where you are then you need to accept that or actively do something about it.

I wish I could thank this 100 times. I need to remember this more often. Thank you :T

hazyjo

As above - MOVE! Before you get priced out of where you used to live!

Two and a half years is a bloody long time. It's not like it was four months ago and you're regretting it. You've given it a fair shot, it's not for you, so time to make changes.

And don't look for obstacles Just do it. Ring the EA today if you have to! And start scouring for work for hubby - but, if he's an electrician, I'm sure that it wouldn't take much to get the jobs flooding back in, even if it's a temporary measure again.

Just do it

As for jury service, it's fine (I actually hope I get picked again)! I loved doing mine at The Old Bailey (and met such a lovely crowd), another friend is still meeting up with her fellow jurors, and my 40-odd year old sis did it recently despite panicking to a ridiculous level beforehand. My mum was almost losing it with her, she was driving us all insane. But she went, got a case, and actually enjoyed herself!

Jx

securityguy

I've seen half a dozen families, either our own contemporaries or my parents' contemporaries, move to the countryside.

In each case it's been a pretty much unmitigated disaster.

The driver's often "oh, cities are so dangerous for teenagers, drugs, you know how it is". Yeah, but the countryside is just dull for teenagers, which gives rise to its own problems, and the parents end up driving everywhere to get their children doing even a fraction of what was available in a city. School choices are limited, and aspiration and opportunity often quite limited. The endless cry of "why don't people come and see us?" arises, and they don't like the answer "because driving a 200 mile round trip to spend a weekend in the back of beyond is a waste of time, and my children have orchestra/football/a party/etc". Rural communities are often quite closed, which makes forming friendships hard, you're endlessly driving, there isn't much work, etc, your children will need to go elsewhere at 18 and maybe 16, etc.

To paraphrase a quote Saki supposedly made of Canada, the countryside is all very well, but not for a whole weekend. If you want to move there, fine, knock yourself out. But don't complain that people don't come and visit: unless you're the most scintillating company imaginable, if they wanted to spend their weekends in the country, they'd move there, and that they're staying in cities tells you what you need to know. People we know who've moved once their children have left home whine that they have to go a long way to go to theatre/concerts/cinemas/Waitrose, that the local hospital isn't as good as a major city hospital, that the public transport is useless, that the broadband's slow, etc, etc, etc, and are upset when the response is "we know. That's why we don't live there".

Tiddlywinks

OP - just looking back - you started this thread 2 years ago... Nothing seems to have really moved on.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3941307

I think you need to read that thread again and see how things were and how they are now.

If you really are unhappy then please talk to your OH and make some changes.... Do you really want to be starting another thread in 2016 saying you're still unhappy?

You can change things...

1. You can move back and rent if you have to - could you stay with family until you get a deposit together?

2. You could move to somewhere less rural and your husband could then commute to his current job. That would give you more job options and you'd be less isolated.

3. You can try to make it work without moving by making a real effort to join the community.

The only certainty is that if you don't do anything, then nothing is going to change.

What do YOU want to do? What is stopping you?