Carrot cake in the oven

supersaver1000

Hi Litly. Thanks for popping in.

Having a slight confidence fail tonight so reading your post has boosted me again. My family (not DD or DH) really know how to undermine my confidence. I'm not sure why. I just don't seem to have anything in common anymore and when we do meet I feel swallowed up and bullied. Sorry for the downer, but Ive tried so many times and it's always the same. Yet if I avoid them I feel so bad and if I try to assert myself it's me in the wrong. Being interrogated tonight about job changes - they don't even know what I do anyway and suddenly they are experts.

Going to grit my teeth and read through my thread to get my mojo back. Can't imagine being like this with DD. I know it's not my problem, it's their problem projected onto me, but hate feeling like this. Remembering the advice I read yesterday to not be around negative people who sap you - how does that work with your family?

Feel better just for getting that off my chest.

in_need_of_direction

I know exactly how you feel today ss. As my oh says, just ignore them but it's not that easily done.

Ratison

SS1K, hope you feel ok soon. It is tough when you have toxic family members. Maybe when you're in a better frame of mind you might be able to unpick why they make you feel that way a bit more? But for now, do lovely things with people who value you and your kindness. You can always come on here and I'm sure plenty of people will have compassion and kindness to send your way.

liltdiddylilt

We all have that issue love. I took a drastic step of moving 250 miles away from my entire family. If I hadn't I wouldn't speak to any of them by now because I can't handle the way they do things and say things around me and the distance helps me maintain some calm. Even now, 3 days with them staying nearby and I start to get really angry.

Tonight I had to tell my mum to button it. I've spent a year now having her undermine my confidence as a parent and chunter away about things she did nearly 30 years ago when I was a baby and I just had it. She finally got where I am coming from but it will all be forgotten and/or my fault tomorrow as always.

So believe me when I say I and loads of others know precisely how you are feeling. You are too nice a person and that makes you the target. Try (I know it is hard) to put some kind of a mental break between you, to give you a bit of a buffer. I know it is hard to just suddenly grow a thick skin, but think how you would react if they tried to say something similar about/to DD. Your tiger mummy instincts would kick in for her, so have a bit of that for yourself too.

You are doing the right thing for you and your family. The family you chose and created for yourself. The rest don't matter so much the older you get you know.

You're fab. Don't let anyone knock you down. I am still getting little happy buzzes when I think about you having a new job. And I wasn't kidding when I said I ran round the house squealing, and then told Him as soon as I spoke to him later that day :rotfl:

supersaver1000

Thank you Ratison that's good advice. I am meeting a friend tomorrow so should balance out a bit. I can't change them, I can only change my feelings about it.

i know they won't be around forever, so feel guilty, but I can almost feel the sharp blades out as I approach and then the little comments.

INOD I remember the comments about your coat purchase. It's the way things are said.

Helps to know I'm not alone.

Thank you both

giblet1979

Sorry to hear about the family stuff SS...I can totally appreciate where you're coming from. It really isn't fair, and I'm sorry that you're feeling like that. Don't forget tho that you're an awesome person and you're doing great x

supersaver1000

Cross posted there - Thank you Litly. I am truly overwhelmed and choking up here.

That is great advice. I'm going to copy it into my notes. I love the mummy tiger bit.



Sorry you have to go through it too. I know exactly what you mean - 3 days and I would be killing them. It's not even just what they say to me, but how they treat others. But even then I think they do that because they know it upsets me.

I'm happy at your being happy for me. You've been a great support (here I go again whelming up) - who needs stinky family support when you have a Litly.

Lots of Luv. Xx

liltdiddylilt

Haha I didn't mean to make you emotional!! But bless you, you're a sweetie.

I always call myself a tiger mummy, because I have the stripes to prove it *stretch marks* :rotfl: - it makes me happier with my body when I think of them that way and I am definitely a tiger because there is nothing I wouldn't do for Jelly. I know you are the same and a brilliant mum

Have a good night hun

Hugs!! xx

supersaver1000

Thank you Gib. I really needed the boost. It just makes me feel glum and oppressed. Thank heavens I escaped. Sadly I still want to make everything right for them, must be some sort of syndrome. But Ratisons right, I've got to save myself first.

Night all and thank you. Xx

supersaver1000

Hugs too tiger sister xx