flushing the toilet at night (when you live above another flat)

Davesnave

jellybeans wrote: »

I have anxiety/panic attacks which has been made much worse by worrying about if he is going to bang again etc. Thanks for the comments

He needs to address his issues, but you'd do well to tackle yours too.

He's fortunate, because you could easily be one of the hundreds of thousands, like nurses, carers and shift workers, who have to work/live unsociable hours. That's the reality of this situation.

Remembering the above, if your panic attacks have been worsened by this person's controlling behaviour, then it would help in the long run if you could muster the personal strength to meet him head on. Have friends around occasionally and make a bit of 'normal' noise first of all, and gradually work up to making a point of flushing the loo, having the TV on etc after his bedtime whenever you can.

If it were me, I'd set an alarm or two to go off at night, flush the loo and go back to bed, but I can sleep on a washing line!

Whenever an unreasonable person seeks to control another, the only effective way of dealing with it is to deliberately and repeatedly carry out the behaviour which 'offends.' The world will not stop turning and the 'offender' will grow in strength with each action which successfully proves this.

Go for it!

questionss

We lived in Switzerland for a while and local bye-laws about night noise were strict.

There was a requirement not to flush the toilet excessively overnight... My thought was that if I was wanting to flush the toilet excessively it's contents probably really needed flushing!

We also go by letting yellow mellow but flushing brown - mainly not to wake our young kids though!

georgiesmum

I live in a house and i never flush at night. Started when the kids were small o i wouldn't disturb them and i have just carried on. Usually have bleach in there at nigh anyway. Ony if i have a wee of course.
Yor neighbour sounds like an unreasonable bully. Tell him to go and do one. Politely of course.

duchy

I remember you posting before.
Ignore him completely ...... If he bangs on the ceiling go around and ring the door bell loudly and repeatedly and ask if he needs an ambulance......after all he must be banging because he's in trouble........ If he admits there was nothing wrong then make a report of harassment .....rinse and repeat til he gets tired of it ...or the police do and go round and have a stern word with him.

Don't argue with him...if he says he's not ill just walk away without a word. Bullies hate silence they want a reaction.

dodger1

jellybeans wrote: »

Thanks for the replies so far. Where I currently live the problem is more than just flushing the toilet, my neighbour sometimes bangs on the ceiling if I just walk to the bathroom at night and as he can hear my footsteps (I'm not stomping, not wearing shoes, and the floor is carpeted!).

I'd be banging back, and it would be lot louder than his banging.

chris_m

dodger1 wrote: »

I'd be banging back, and it would be lot louder than his banging.

Which would really please the other neighbours in the block

clark24

chris_m wrote: »

Which would really please the other neighbours in the block

Maybe the OP is not the only one this neighbour is controlling the behaviour of? Possibly he also has issues with their (perfectly reasonable) nocturnal habits, he may not like them using their doors, bang on his walls and floor when they dare to exist in a manner his bat-like hearing can detect. Quite possibly his anger is also directed at many others.....

EmmaHerts

I don't flush the toilet at night if yellow because I don't want to disturb anybody-- However, it is ridiculous that your neighbour bangs when you walk down your hallway. Have you got carpets btw?

t0rt0ise

My theory with children was that if I kept quiet at night, whispering, tiptoeing round and not flushing loos, that's what they'd get used to and never sleep through noise. So I did none of those things and just lived normally and the children were, and still are now as adults, able to sleep through anything. The neighbour here was obviously brought up with the 'hush, the baby's asleep' type of parents. So be warned new parents, being quiet for the baby is a big mistake.

jellybeans_2

Thanks for the replies.

If he bangs/shouts when I've just walked from room to room- I make sure I flush the loo then as he is obviously awake! only once though as that is all that is needed after using the loo and I want to be behaving reasonably.

Clark24- I have suggested several things to him, but he doesn't seem to have done them. I also think he'd be better off somewhere else if normal living noise disturbs him (although I think these flats are particularly bad).

Davesnave- thanks for the comments, I am getting help for my anxiety as well, but I don't like disturbing anyone even when it's not my fault

It's good to hear from people who don't flush the loo at night unless they have to as well. If I had to choose between a flat where it was ok to flush and one where people didn't I would choose where you could (just personal preference and what I have always done, I never thought about it before these problems with my neighbour occurred either!)

Duchy- I did post last year as well because my neighbour said it was just the floor creaking that woke him up. My landlord took up the floor, screwed in the boards and laid new carpet. But my neighbour still complains about footsteps, flushing the loo (he said it wasn't a problem before), and doors closing (I shut quietly not slamming them!). I can hear him too but it doesn't bother me- I think the soundproofing is just very bad!

Emma- yes I do have carpets, except for lino in the kitchen/bathroom.

I've lived with these problems for over a year, and now the easiest solution is to move as nothing else has worked so far, although it shall be very expensive to move so a hard decision to make. Thanks for all the comments as if I move I wanted to know how "normal" it was to flush or not