Nice People Thread Number 11 - A Treasury of Nice People

tomterm8

Not really a fan of the Exorcist. Too scary for me

Generali - I did see the bit where you said the news was positive, and you'd say more later, but can't find any more. How are you?

Nikkster

Generali wrote: »

The Exorcist is on the TV over here. What a movie!

They don't make them like that any more.

Yesterday afternoon I felt like my head was going to do a 360° spin :eek:

neverdespairgirl

Generali wrote: »

I'm very happy having 2 kids. Mrs Generali would have liked a dozen given half a chance I reckon, certainly 4-6.

She would also have wanted me to be extremely rich as she would want them all go to the best schools with all the extras, 3-4 holidays a year etc.

My Dad was quite keen on the idea of 6. My mother decided that after 4 pregnancies in under 8 years and 4 c-sections she's had quite enough, and that Dad could have a go at getting pregnant if he was so keen (-: I'm not sure Dad was entirely serious about 6, but both my parents definitely wanted 4.

michaels wrote: »

I very luckily have an ideological objection to private schooling so I don't need to beat myself up over not being able to afford it nor have to argue with DW over why if we can afford it we dont. Occasionally she mentions putting DKs in for scholarship places but luckily doesn't get round to doing anything about it.

I have no ideological objection to it at all. OH does have something of one, but our local state primary was so dire when Isaac came to the relevant age that he had little difficulty in overcoming it. The local was near the top or bottom of every list you can think of, whichever end you wouldn't want to be, that was where it was.

It was also a school where 80% of the children were muslim. OH was concerned that a child with an Israeli father might find it very difficult in such a school.

michaels wrote: »

If the most motivated parents take their kids out of the state system not only does it mean that their kids dont grow up in the real world but it also makes the state school.worse for those who are left behind. Do you decline to have your kids vaccinated because they can benefit from the beard immunity whilst not suffering the individual risk?

I also don't want to push them to try to reach further than they comfortably can and then spend their lives feeling like failures because they haven't met all their parents aspirations.

I'm not sure that private schools are necessarily much less in the "real world". School is an artificial environment in many ways, compared to adult life, you don't spend much of your adult life associating almost exclusively with people who are little more than 6 months older or younger than you, for example.

My education was entirely in single-sex private schools. I enjoyed the primary school, loathed the boarding school, and got a great deal out of the secondary day school in London. It was good for me, pushed me without making me feel too much under pressure.

Spirit_2

At the time our DD was starting school we had the options of schools on a sink estate or a place in the local RC school which was non too exciting but had nuns.

That informed our decision and we paid for school up until 6th form.

Prep and pre prep. Single sex, fabulous country house environment, clear boundaries about manners and behaviour, extra curric stuff, tea and prep after school and occasional boarding.It was absolutely the best place for her and she has very fond memories of it.

Senior school still single sex , she did well enough in stuff she is not suited to, flourished in stuff she could shine in.

For 6th form we wanted co ed - she did not not. We moved her to a very good 6th form college in the state sector where she had two very happy successful years.

Generali

Spirit wrote: »

Where we want the 'best' for our children I think that has to be balanced with what is best for the family. Gen and Micheals does it feel like a joint decision and joint effort to determine and fund 'the best'?

Well I don't make joint decisions with michaels about parenting but I suspect that's not you mean!

Mrs Generali and I set a basic set of rules. We're open to discussion from there.

Tonight I made roast chook with veggies and gravy. The Girl isn't a huge fan of Brussels so I only had her eat one mouthful. She was allowed extra broccoli instead. That was a reasoned discussion with no shouting or histrionics. I listen to what the kids say and then have the final decision because I'm Dad and that's the way it goes. I often change my mind if the kids can come up with a good argument. If not, too bad too sad.

We pick a sport each season (soccer, ballet, cricket, fighting sports etc.). They can pick any sport they want within reasonable ability to facilitate and afford it (no playing polo or signing up to an AFL in VIC).

Once the sport has been picked (by the child) then then will complete the season and attend every training session and competitive event until the end of the season. The only difference this year is that to my abiding shame, neither Generalissimo can swim. Both, I hope, will swim 50m for me on Christmas Eve in a 50m pool. No touching, no turns, no extra pushes. Swimming is the priority this year, it must be.

We have to make choices about what we do. The kids go to a wonderful public (state) school in a lovely suburb. That costs because we have to pay more in rent to live round here. Also we pay a fortune in fees for excursions etc. which would not happen if we lived in a poorer district. The fees wouldn't be required as the excursions wouldn't happen. I reckon I pay $5k a year from taxed income for the kids to go to state primary school plus Mrs Generali works about 4 hours a week there for free and I do a couple of days a year.

To my mind that's no different to paying school fees and the American Government ended up getting around the problem by busing, albeit that was a race rather than a class thing.

neverdespairgirl

Generali wrote: »

Well I don't make joint decisions with michaels about parenting but I suspect that's not you mean!

Mrs Generali and I set a basic set of rules. We're open to discussion from there.

Tonight I made roast chook with veggies and gravy. The Girl isn't a huge fan of Brussels so I only had her eat one mouthful. She was allowed extra broccoli instead. That was a reasoned discussion with no shouting or histrionics. I listen to what the kids say and then have the final decision because I'm Dad and that's the way it goes. I often change my mind if the kids can come up with a good argument. If not, too bad too sad.

We pick a sport each season (soccer, ballet, cricket, fighting sports etc.). They can pick any sport they want within reasonable ability to facilitate and afford it (no playing polo or signing up to an AFL in VIC).

Sounds very similar to us. OH and I have a set of general principles in common, the most important of which is that we never, ever over-rule or contradict each other in front of Isaac. If Abba says "no", Isaac by now is well aware that there's absolutely no point trying to get Mummy to say "yes", and vice versa. The same goes for Sam or my parents or whatever, there's no Court of Appeal in this household (-:

We also agree that we listen to reasoned arguments and hold discussions but we are alll completely unable to hear whinge, deaf to it, in fact.

Isaac's allowed a certain number of food dislikes, but they have to be small in number and constant. That arises from my own childhood experience of mushrooms, where everything about them, texture, taste, smell was utterly revolting. Everything else he's expected to eat a bit of, if it's cooked for him, but he can opt out entirely in relation to fresh tomatoes and cooked carrots.

Isaac does judo outside school, which he adores. He is agonising about whether to swap it for 5-a-side football shortly, but it's up to him which he fancies. He doesn't do team sports at school - he does tap dancing, PE and swimming instead. No choices there, that's what they all do.

michaels

Spirit wrote: »

At the time our DD was starting school we had the options of schools on a sink estate or a place in the local RC school which was non too exciting but had nuns.

That informed our decision and we paid for school up until 6th form.

Prep and pre prep. Single sex, fabulous country house environment, clear boundaries about manners and behaviour, extra curric stuff, tea and prep after school and occasional boarding.It was absolutely the best place for her and she has very fond memories of it.

Senior school still single sex , she did well enough in stuff she is not suited to, flourished in stuff she could shine in.

For 6th form we wanted co ed - she did not not. We moved her to a very good 6th form college in the state sector where she had two very happy successful years.

I've heard nothing but good things about the alumni of that 6th form college

I think the Hampshire system on making secondary education from 11 to 16 and then sixth form spereate works really well putting kids in the right sort of school at the right time. No 18 year olds to terrorise the 11 year olds and the 16 plus can be treated as young adults plus have a really wide selection of courses due to the pooling of large numbers. I don't know why other counties don't copy.

Grammar schools I'm not sure about, in the past they brought huge social mobility but now they can be gamed by tutoring to such an extent that they don't offer the same. I think academic streaming within comprehensives is the best way to go.

neverdespairgirl

LydiaJ wrote: »

My brothers and I were all at independent schools, and all did very well. I am enduringly grateful, however, to my parents, and especially my dad, who was very keen to provide us with whatever support we needed to do well, and encouraged us to pursue excellence in whatever direction we took, but was completely open minded about what direction we might each choose. As it happens, we all turned out academic, like him, but if one or more of us had wanted to do something more vocational, he would have been just as encouraging to us to be the best we could be at whatever we chose.

Like you, all four of us went to private schools, encouraged by our parents.

We've all done different things, though, and none of us have ever been made to feel that we've let the side down by our choices.

Sister #1 trained as a primary school teacher, worked with children in care who had been excluded from mainstream education for a while, then became a journalist in Kent.

Sister #2 (who is fairly dyslexic) didn't go to university, but did do a lengthy course to become a chiropracter, a job she really enjoys.

Bruv did law at uni, then bar school, then became a teacher in Korea and is now applying to go to SOAS this autumn to do a masters in linguistics.

Generali

tomterm8 wrote: »

Not really a fan of the Exorcist. Too scary for me

Generali - I did see the bit where you said the news was positive, and you'd say more later, but can't find any more. How are you?

Good. Tired from the op still but good overall.

The story in full is thus (I gave this as a 3 minute speech at work today which was kinda fun):

In the dead time between New Year and Australia Day I found a lump.below my right ear. I waited for a couple of weeks for it to go as, as I have discovered, as you age you get odd lumps, bumps and things. It didn't disappear and in fact got bigger.

I went to the GP. He told me to go and get a diagnosis. I went to PHP Diagnostics who said it was a cyst via ultrasound and suggested I came back the following week to have it drained. No problemo!

I went back the next Saturday. I got a nice big fat local anesthetic and we went in with the thin needle for a cyst draining. However, a problem became apparent; it wasn't a cyst. Ok so next steps.....

We do a biopsy 6 jabs with a fat needle. It was fine with the local but when it wore off it hurt like bejeesus. The biopsy gets tested and I am told I have a Whartin's Tumour. Benign, basically as dangerous as a wart.

If you have a scary lump then that's a pretty decent diagnosis. I took that to the specialist. He has a poke and a prod.

"Hmmmm", says he, "you're not 70, you don't smoke, the tumour is in the wrong place and it feels wrong. F... off and get a proper diagnosis".

So off I f. I get a third diagnosis which is that I have a lymphoma (Australia's second most popular cancer) in my parotid gland. As I'm sure you're aware tom but to help the more stupid readers the parotid glands are a one of three pairs of glands which produce saliva.

I get booked in for a PET scan. A cancer grows fast so needs energy. Your energy comes from glucose although that might be created from things like starch or other forms of sugar. If you inject someone with radioactive glucose then any cancers will grab as much of that glucose as they can. They then shine up like fairy lights under the right sort of scanner.

A couple of days later I got booked in to have the lymphoma removed. Whoever stitched me up should become a tailor because they'd be as rich as Croesus.

Then the lump gets sent away to be checked out. Lumps aren't homogenous like blood pretty much is so even a biopsy with 6 spikes can miss stuff so we find out what it is so we can treat if required.

1st response: Not lymphoma.
Dr: BS. We had lymphoma cells in the biopsy. Re-diagnose and tell me it's a lymphoma.
2nd response: Nope, not a lymphoma
Dr: Ok. What about Whartin's?
3rd response: Nope.

So now I'm back with the specialist. He imparts the above and says that as a 55 year old (?) doctor he's only once come across a situation like this. A back of envelope calculation says he's seen about a thousand lymphomas so this is statistically significant.

So I don't have Whartin's Tumour, a cyst or lymphoma. The next step is to go to a hematologist to rule out really rare or unusual stuff. The great thing about about maybe having a very rare disease is that you're really very unlikely to have it!

Now here's the twist that any TLDR people will miss. The hematologist I'm off to see is the only other patient that my specialist has seen who has had a mysterious disappearing lymphoma.

neverdespairgirl

michaels wrote: »

Grammar schools I'm not sure about, in the past they brought huge social mobility but now they can be gamed by tutoring to such an extent that they don't offer the same. I think academic streaming within comprehensives is the best way to go.

My Dad is sure that, had he not gone to a grammar school, he'd had left at 15. It hadn't ever really occurred to anyone in his family before that staying on later was an option. It was, however, suggested as a serious option to his parents and to him once he started at the grammar school, and became a reality. He was the first in his family to stay past minimum leaving age, and then took A levels and went to university.