Bad tightness from people who can afford to pay.

SailorSam

Nicki wrote: »

Are you close otherwise?

Just because he is super-wealthy doesn't mean he has to buy presents for everyone he knows or is distantly related to you know!

We're only a small family, we're not distantly related.
I'm not going into details here on an open forum but the way i've been treated and the amount i've had conned out of me I've finally realised what i've mug i've been. I still send cards but nothing more, never.

Beckyy

Some people just have it ingrained into them to behave like this. You see it a lot in the older generation, some will live like they're on the breadline when they are actually quite comfortable.. I think many were just taught to save everything they have and spend as little as possible.

pleasedelete

SailorSam wrote: »

I've got a Nephew that's a multi-millionaire, he's in the Sunday Times rich list. Some birthdays and Christmas times i don't even get a card, perhaps an email one, And presents again quite often nothing a few years i've had calander, one year got a packet of garden seeds. Last Christmas he gave me a box of chocolates but not even wrapped up.

But why would an aunt/uncle expect any present from a nephew? Are you expecting a present just because he is rich? What did you give him? the price of gifts doesn't matter- maybe he saw the seeds and thought of you? I don't think that many nieces and nephews send their aunts/uncles email or cards.

Why should expectations be different of those with money? You don't sound at all close- so why would they send a card, email or present?

SailorSam

pleasedelete wrote: »

But why would an aunt/uncle expect any present from a nephew? Are you expecting a present just because he is rich? What did you give him? the price of gifts doesn't matter- maybe he saw the seeds and thought of you? I don't think that many nieces and nephews send their aunts/uncles email or cards.

Why should expectations be different of those with money? You don't sound at all close- so why would they send a card, email or present?

I've always said to people all my life when asked what i'd like as a present, there's nothing i NEED. and if there is anything i'll buy myself it. So the lack of any present is not important.
As i was growing up i've earned good money and the pleasure i got from that money was not flash cars or fancy holidays. I got my pleasure from being able to help my family, there have been times in the past that they were basically living in the gutter.
Think of a number and add a few noughts, i enjoyed giving most of what i've earned away. Now the roles are reversed, it's me living on benefits and still the lack of presents isn't important, but over the last few years the people who i thought were my family have continued to try and con me.

justme111

notechno wrote: »

I do agree that meanness can be very annoying, especially close at hand with friends. A woman in our group of friends can get quite grating. If she drives I will buy her ticket (we go to see plays) and a few drinks, but this is never returned if I drive. We quite often have small parties at each other's houses (a few friends in total) and bring wine and food. If there's anything left from what she's brought she always makes a point of getting it out of the kitchen and taking it home. We're a theatre group and meet up in a social centre but she brings her own soft drink. And if we all go out for a meal she is always the last in the round to buy the drinks, and I figure she's worked out that she'll probably only have to buy one round whilst most of us get two. Petty things I know, but it does make me think less of her, I don't think it's a very admirable trait. I don't know how much she earns, but her and her husband both work FT and her job is a well-paid professional role whilst I'm a single parent with little money to spare, so even if she's just trying to count the pennies I do feel she's being a bit unfair

Agree , can be annoying. Sort if people that play the situation in such a way so as not to pay. I dont think they realise what they doing and how it comes across. In cases like this I ask them for parking change or money towards petrol point , hppefully politely but clear. Not sure how drinks issue could be sorted , may be people with more diplomacy in them have an idea.:). Mind , I have come across behaviour like this before , did not like it and only later on found out how dire financial situation of the person in question was at the time , if they let me know it at a time I would not have seen it so negative but they were too shy /proud /ashamed to be upfront about it ..

rachiibell

Me and the OH are good friends with another couple. When we go out for dinner me and him either take it in turns to pay (although it's often him cos he earns more than me) or round the cost up and put in half each but the other couple get their phones out and add up the cost of their own drinks and food to the exact penny and then pay separately which I find odd. Even more so that they live together too!

justme111

Would feel odd to me as well but is the only fail proof way to ensure no bitterness as in precious posts due to someone being "clever" and making others pay or paranoia that one is being used when there might have been no intention to.

sedment

I used to work in a bar at the weekends for extra cash, and was regularly astounded at the tightness of farmers. (We are quite rural). It was £2.20 for a shot of spirits with 50p for a dash.
One particular farmer ordered three spirits which came to £6.60 and he wanted cola for his dash so asked if he wanted a can of cola or three dashes. The cola can was £1.40 and guess which he chose to save 10p. He then took out his keyring, which had a Audi keyring and a Bmw keyring as well as different tractor keys, and counted out the charge for his drinks to the penny. At chucking out time, instead of getting a taxi he started to walk the five and a half miles home. I sometimes wonder if he is just thrifty and smart, or just incredibly tight!

melanzana

The more you have, the more you fear others getting their hands on your stash, or thinking you are fair game to pay for everything!

Nah, not really, but it is a control thing, I'm convinced. Or paranoia.

I don't have much, but I have enough, and I make sure I commune with like minded people. Anyone who shows the obvious traits of tightness or meanness, is gone from my life within a very short time.

You never win with these people. It's a life long challenge for them I think.

And there has to be some "issues" going on with that kind of behaviour, because the lack of embarrassment from them, is a HUGE clue!

Anyway, I came across this thread on a site in Ireland, where I live now, and it is hilarious, sad, a bit risqu! in places, probably over egged also, but I enjoyed reading it!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=58479654

tayforth

OP - obviously, it's nobody's business how your friend chooses to live, but being mean towards others is a very unattractive trait. As for refusing to give away her kitchen roll to stem someone's bleeding, that's the lowest of the low. :eek:

amus wrote: »

I think there's a fine line between frugality and tightness, but the kitchen roll thing is very odd.

Had to laugh at what one of my Facebook 'friends' wrote once though. She was absolutely disgusted because a woman had rolled up in a Mercedes to collect a Holy Communion dress she had sold on eBay for a cheap price. She was ranting about how she works hard to pay for a £200 communion dress for her kids and some 'disgraceful' woman comes in a Mercedes to collect it after buying it cheaply second hand on eBay. I really had to restrain myself from asking who is the idiot in that situation, and that perhaps spending money wisely is the reason she can afford the Merc!

I detest people who are so petty and gossipy, espcially on FB.