MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Grant and Tiffany charge for their wedding?

Deb_Williams

My daughter and her now-husband married last year, in a posh hotel in Southampton. They had a two-week honeymoon in Mexico.

They had lived together for three years before marrying, and really didn't need fancy presents. They asked all their guests either for mexican dollars to spend on their honeymoon, or vouchers from B&Q to spend doing up their home when they returned!

Everyone thought it was a great idea, and the majority contributed.

They actually ended up with far more mexican currency than they could spend (the honeymoon was all-inclusive), so they had some left over to spend on their house when they got home.

becks.989

Myself and ay partner get married in two weeks and we have lived together for 8 years. it will not be a grand wedding as its just what we can afford. we have asked for money to go towards our honey moon fund, so we can take a holiday with the children. something we would not normally be able to do. i have found people have been very happy to do this for us (i hope anyway).
being in the position or not being able to afford much. i would never ask anyone to pay to come to my wedding. if i couldn't afford it. i wouldn't have it. neither would i go to a wedding i had to pay to go to.

Crouching_Hippo

I reckon it's fine to contribute. I did write a lot more previously but for some reason I got bombed out of the site, so I'll summarise.

It's their day, not yours, and as you're going to be parting with cash anyway as you would normally buy a gift, what's the problem if it's going to them instead? Fair enough, they could maybe phrase it differently so it's not so explicit that you are effectively helping to pay for their day, but that brings us back to the original point, it's their day and not yours.
:beer:

katiekittykat

No - that is just so cheeky! If they can't afford it that isn't my problem! They should do it on the cheap!

Kaz2904

We didn't include a gift list when we married 6 years ago as I think it's rude. Anyone who asked what we wanted was told that we were in the process of buying our first home so needed a kitchen and a cooker. So if they were prepared to give us B&Q vouchers that was great. We were given a lot of money and a lot of voucers. We also found that lots of people bought kingfisher vouchers which can be spent in places other tan B&Q.
We couldn't believe the uproar we had because we DIDN'T include a gift list.

Friends of ours are getting married in October and have included this rhyme in their invites,

If you were thinking of giving a gift to help us on our way
A donation towards a sofa would really make our day.

Some cash towards bigger things is what we really require
And for you to enjoy our special day is what we most desire.

huggermugger

Coo, hasn't this one sparked some reaction...

Next weekend my son & I are going to the wedding of the daughter of one of my neighbours. I am pleased to be asked & am really looking forward to going. Inside the invitation was a little note pointing out that as they have lived together for 7 years they pretty much have everything they need, however they would like some good furniture for the patio so if we felt like making a contribution to that, that would be great.

They haven't gone over the top with the wedding but even if they had, that would be their choice. I will not go over the top with my contribution because I can't, but it will be gladly given and gratefully received. I suspect they will get more than enough for their furniture & damn good luck to them. It will be a cracking wedding because they are a lovely family and I am delighted they have chosen me as one of the people to share their day.

Milk of human kindness? Not been delivered to a few people!

harryhound

AlisonW wrote: »

You have a wedding, YOU can afford. If youve got everything you need, why not ask for donations to your favourite charity or one of the 'Oxfam unwrapped' type charities. Anything else I think is plain greedy.

So how many "goats" were given at your friend's wedding?

Why is Tiff's dear old dad not funding the bash in exchange for hoping his wayward daughter is finally settling down? Or am I just being old fashioned.

If they read the wedding thread on here, they could have a wedding to remember for less than 75 GBP per head if they really could not afford to pay themselves. I remember a wedding with vows on a remote beach followed by a pic nic - great off season fun. I'll bring the broomstick.

I would contribute to the "B&Q" brick fund, if I thought it was going to result in serious DIY endeavour..

As people these days often seem to do things back to front, perhaps we should postpone such festivities until we can all contribute to the kids "Child Trust Fund" - that is something I would be happy to do. The baby would certainly need it to get started in life in 18 years time, the way that things are going.

Harry.

dotchas

As many previous posters have said I think it is shocking to consider asking guests to pay to go to your wedding!

Attending a wedding is expensive enough these days with outfits ,accomodation,drinks etc etc.

I am at that age where there aren't so many weddings to attend (thank god!) but would certainly not attend if asked to pay to do so!

I am also at the age where I would balk at paying £75 a head to feed others on my wedding day!
Hotels use the word wedding to double all prices!
I would find a much cheaper alternative and fund it myself.
I understand that many couples have already set up home these days and money/vouchers are appreciated.
But they should also appreciate that some people cannot afford lavish gifts feel embarrassed giving money.
Perhaps a couple should have a small informal list for those who would rather buy a gift.
The strangest wedding present I have bought was a set of brass door furniture as it was what the couple wanted/needed.Better that than 3 toasters.:D

A wedding is not about the money spent on the day or gifts recieved:rolleyes:

40g

No, they should not charge people. I got married 12 weeks ago after me and my husband had been together for over 10 years. so needed nothing for the house. We asked only very close family and friends, no children and refused to let parents pay. We had a register office due followed by a meal in one of our favourite restaurants - meal and all drink paid for by us. We said that if we couldn't afford it we wouldn't do it as we wouldn't get into debt over it.
We insisted on no presents and people could make a donation to Breast Cancer if they really wanted to do something. One or two very kindly gave a pressie/vouchers too.
It was very low key and informal (which is what we wanted as we're not twentysomethings!) and do you know what.... we had a great day and so did our friends. And I'm still glowing about it!

Tiger_greeneyes

Thankfully I don't know anyone who would be so tacky and materialistic as to ask their guests to pay for any part of their wedding.

Why is it so important for Grant and Tiffany to spend £75 per head anyway? Is it a status thing where their wedding has to be expensive to be 'good enough' for them?

I'd much prefer that my hosts spent £5 per head on fish and chips than £75 on a three-course banquet if that's what they could afford. It wouldn't matter a jot to me because I'd be there to share their big day and not for a ridiculously expensive meal.

Nobody is making them spend that much so why don't they look at having a smaller, more intimate wedding so they can reduce their costs - or save up until they can afford the wedding they want like the rest of us do!

Surely what's important is the fact they actually get married, not that they have a stupidly expensive wedding with all the trimmings?

I have to say that I've a massive problem with lining other people's pockets - caterers, venue hire, clothing hire etc - none of it is particularly important and in my mind it's not what weddings should be about. Why spend £10/20/30k on one day so that you can feed 150 people who really don't give much of a toss about you the rest of the year - surely putting the money towards your home or paying off your mortgage is more important than spending £20 per portion of cold chicken breast? It just seems like an excuse to show off.