MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Grant and Tiffany charge for their wedding?

Paris45

to me, I think asking guests to pay for their meal (s) is fine, asking them to finance the whole things begs the question why the couple wants to get marriage in the first place:cool:

kingkano

I'd agree with the other posts about selling a 'ticket' is a bit distasteful. Having said that there is nothing wrong with asking for cash as a present. We got married last year after having lived together for 5 years, we definitely didnt need any toasters or kettles!! So we asked for cash as a gift, to go towards a new house (which we are buying this year). Nobody was particularly offended, although a few of our older guests did think it a bit odd (however they were thankful for not having to go out shopping at a wedding list shop). We also still had a few people give us gifts instead/aswell as cash.

One tip I would give is you have to word it just right on the invitations. We did a hand written note inside each invite explaining we already had all the household goods we could need and why we would prefer a cash gift maybe that helped.

emma_b_4

we got married in octber after living togtehr 5 years. relatives and friends asked what we wanted and some1 suggested they could buy something for the wedding - the idea grew and many people contributed - cake, favours, photos, car, music, etc and my day was fab. the people who did something for the wedding day said they enjoyed feeling "part" of the day in that extra way, so i dont see a problem with it .
the dilemma is how to word that in an invite, thats where people get offended - when it looks like your asking for money

jackieb

emma_b wrote: »

we got married in octber after living togtehr 5 years. relatives and friends asked what we wanted and some1 suggested they could buy something for the wedding - the idea grew and many people contributed - cake, favours, photos, car, music, etc and my day was fab. the people who did something for the wedding day said they enjoyed feeling "part" of the day in that extra way, so i dont see a problem with it .
the dilemma is how to word that in an invite, thats where people get offended - when it looks like your asking for money

That seems different altogether. Not sure why. Maybe it's the idea of everyone mucking in, and the fact that you didn't ask for it.

lovetoad_2

I've recently been to a wedding in the south of England where the couple did just this. Although it meant no traipsing around the shops to look for a suitable present most people were not that happy at having to fork out hard cash. As one family member said to me "I can spend little on a present by shopping hard and getting a bargain so they will think I've spent more but this way they will know exactly how much I've coughed up".

I think the thing that niggled me more was the fact that I didnt get a "thank you" letter from the happy couple afterwards - I imagine that they assumed Id had a great time at the wedding spending "my" contribution so probably didnt feel the need to say thanks. Even my sister who coughed up some money but couldnt go to the wedding didnt get a thank you. Now that's plain rude.

Jet

If you want to get married and have a big flush "do" then great, but that's your choice. If you can't afford it, don't do it or do it on a smaller scale. It's YOUR day and as grown ups getting married, it's only fair you should take responsibility for YOUR wedding.

olly300

It really depends on the couple and how it is asked for.

In recent years I've been asked to:
1. Give money to a couples' house buying fund
2. Give money towards a honeymoon
3. Give money towards charity


The first one I found offensive simply because I knew the couple's lifestyle i.e. they had a very expensive holiday a year before the wedding and the way they asked for the money. Strangely they got a lot of actual presents from people. The second and third one was not offensive because it was stressed on the invitation they didn't expect to receive anything but if you wanted to give them something a contribution to charity/honeymoon would help.

Also in some ethnic groups it is traditional to give money however the couple never blatantly ask for it and don't mind if you give them a present instead.

purplegaily

I have just returned from a wedding in Scotland this weekend that cost us nearly £500 for the 2 of us. 3 nights accomodation, a round of golf with the groom the day before, food and drinks, fuel for a 600 mile round trip - and a cash 'gift' for the honeymoon fund.

I was a bridesmaid and then found out that the bride wanted me to pay for my hair and make-up (at another £45) - but I only found out as we were leaving the shop having had it done!!! :mad: (that added to the cost of dress alterations and an additional hotel room in a sep location from the grooms party the night before)

Turned out to be more than just the cost of the gift - not that I begrudge it, but think what we could have got him for that kind of money if we'd stayed nearer home - or we could have gone abroad for a week!!

MimiJane

My initial thought is "no", it's simply not right and would immediately get peopls backs up and attendance would no doubt be pretty poor

However, why not scale things down a little on the big day and just ask guests for money rather than presents? This would go some way towards paying towards wedding costs and also take the headache out of searching for appropriate prezzzies, which could be a great relief for a lot of people

meandmy2kids

i was recently invited to a wedding and i thought it was a good idea that they asked for money as they had lived together for over 10 years so didnt need any houshold items .
inside the invite was a nice message that read,
on this our special wedding day
we dont know just what to say
we have a home with contents too,
so things we need are but few,
but if a gift you'd like to bring,
then a few pennies would be the thing,
on this our special wedding day,
we hope this wont cause offence,
but in our case it makes more sense.
i thought this was ok and didnt think anything bad of the request as i agreed it did make more sense.