MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Grant and Tiffany charge for their wedding?

scattynobrain

Why is the cost £75 per head? Your wedding day is a special day but it is only one day. If your wedding is costing that much you need to look at where you're spending the money and work out what you can cut out and what you really need.

peteypete

I am already paying over £100 to stay at a hotel to attend a wedding, not including outfit, drinks etc. (and paying over £300 to attend the hen weekend!), I don't mind buying a gift but the wedding costs the guests enough, without being expected to pay even more, if they can't afford it, don't have it!

Lamarr

I'd be very unlikely to ever go to a wedding where I was asked to pay £75 towards it! We've had lots of friends get married over the last few years & when the cost of outfits + drinks + presents + accommodation + hen/stag parties are added together then an additional charge would have been shocking.

Contributions towards a honeymoon fund in lieu of presents, as mentioned before, is fine though. After all you could use it to pay for part of the wedding. Asking for simple cash though, is just rude!

Weez

No, no and no again. Weddings don't have to be expensive, you should have the wedding that you can afford.

It's really basic manners: (1) if you can't afford to invite people - don't invite them. (2) don't mention gifts / requests for cash in the invitations - it's rude and makes you look greedy (that includes gift list cards and those 'cute' begging letters disguised as poetry).

Kaz2904

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Weddings are ridiculously expensive. When OH and I married, we went abroad and combined the wedding with a fabulous honeymoon.

We had a party when we got back for friends and family, but it was a much more informal affair than a full blown reception would have been (and cost a lot less too)

People still gave us presents but quite a few people gave us money as we were saving up to have extensive alterations done to the house, so a lot of people contributed to the 'brick fund'

Was it you I saw on ebay? I thought that was a marvellous iea because it was written really nicely and the bricks were £4.99 each- though I dread to think about the paypal fees!

liz105

I think it is selfish to ask your guests to foot the bill for the style of wedding YOU chose. If YOU chose to blow a huge amount of money thats your issue to cope with, not theirs.

I wouldn't attend out of principal.

Lakeuk

I would see it as a dam cheat to stipulate a charge, for a family of 4 that would be £300 which could be well spent else where, I would decline due to other arrangements intentionally made.

essaym

I think saying to people if you want to come its £75 each is a bit cheeky, but a polite notice on the invertations saying how the house is kitted out so please dont buy presents, and that cash gifts or vouchers would be better is not cheeky in the least.

Friends of mine are getting married soon and are in this situation, and unfortunately I cannot attend the wedding and so will be sending a card with either money or vouchers instead. They havent asked specifically for money, but everyone who knows them also knows the situation and so wont buy gifts anyway, so I think in the most part its self explanitory.

Worst case scenareo guests buy presents, if the couple already has the items whats to stop them taking them back to the shop and swapping them for other things or even selling them on ebay?

jackieb

I'd be shocked if I got asked to contribute to the cost of their wedding. I'd probably have given them a good present, probably even a cheque, as their house is already kitted out. But that would be because I wanted to, not because i'd been asked to. If they can't afford the wedding of their dreams, then save up, or scale down. If I were them I wouldn't want such an expensive wedding if I thought my guests were only there because they'd paid to be there (and probably bearing a grudge to boot).

katemcg

I have encountered 'money' weddings twice. The first time was my boyfriend's brother. I did think it was a little vulgar, until I saw how much cash they ended up with! They weren't a wealthy couple so the money almost covered their reception costs and was a big help. They said a lot of people thanked them, as it meant instead of spending a day trawling through the shops finding a gift, they could just go to the bank and buy a card.

The second time a friend had a 'honeymoon fund' with a travel agent and you had to give money to that. I didn't like this as it was a real hassle to get to the particular agent, took a lot of stuffing round to process, and I had no way of knowing if she actually received my cash. I would have much preferred to give money in a card with a personal note. As it was an eft transaction I decided to be a bit of a joker about it and gave $93.37. Just to confuse her!

That said, definitely don't 'charge' a particular amount. Just ask politely for a contribution. Let the guests then decide an appropriate amount to contribute.