MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Grant and Tiffany charge for their wedding?

meandmy2kids

Cerro wrote: »

This is a very cultural thing - you would be amazed just how different they can be!

But anyway... I wouldn't be keen on being asked to pay for the wedding, that would be slightly tongue in cheek asking for that. I think you should just say "please, no gifts - we just want you to enjoy our day with us". The people you invite will then either automatically give you money/vouchers or ask you what you are looking for instead.

i would agree with the above if i were to ever get married i would put in the invite please no presents it is a lot more nicer than asking for cash .

Money~Bunny_3

:eek:

This is in effect asking people to pay for the Bride and Groom's wedding. Even if it's not demanded, people are being expected to pay 'admission' and contribute towards the food, drinks, etc.

It's a wedding. In most cultures, (I would guess almost all) you do not 'charge' for a wedding. Even asking for cash towards a house/honeymoon/etc is a bit bold, although it's becoming more common.

Plus it doesn't feel like a real 'gift' if you're paying for a party that you're attending. It also doesn't feel like you're quite enjoying a party if you've helped pay for it. e.g. 'they wasted our money on that/this/it's too much and we're having to pay for it'!

The bride and groom should scale back their plans to something they can afford and focus on what the day's about - their community (friends, family) witnessing and supporting their marriage.

full-time-mum

wildchild wrote: »

We have to get away from this silly idea of a wedding as a big show-off and back to what it really is - a celebration of the couple getting together and (in theory) spending the rest of their lives together.

Couldn't have put it better myself. The weddings that I've been to recently are getting more and more extravagent as are the hen/stag dos - whatever happened to going down the pub for a few beers and a laugh?

Yakyb

can i raise a question.

whilst i agree that you should not charge people to attend a wedding.
where do you draw the line with invites?

i may be gettting married shortly and whilst i only want a small number there, say 20 or so my girlfriend want to invite near 100 (extended family so that she doesnt offend anyone)
now out of that 100 she probably only speaks to about 30 of them the others are cousins etc that she may only see once every two years.
now am i being a bit of a scrooge here saying that she should cut down her list as i dont want to be paying for people's food etc whom i dont know and she doesnt even like
i can see this being a real bone of contention in 12 months

meandmy2kids

i went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago and i had put a small amount of money in an envelope as they had asked for money instead of presents when i realised how much the drinks cost i went straight to the toilet and put the money in my purse towards a couple of drinks for the evening.

BertieLutton

Some friends of mine had this problem of not needing gifts but being strapped when it came to the wedding,

they asked for personal favours instead of gifts to reduce the cost.

They got a friend who owns a print shop to do the invites another couple provided a marquee.

They found these favours were a lot more personal than just handing over money!

chivas

Oooo - this one has pressed some buttons!!

Note that the OP says ask for a contribution towards the wedding fund which is very different to charging £75 for a ticket imo... Also, the OP doesn't say they can't afford it - just that it is a stretch - again I think these are very different things...
With the average wedding costing [FONT=arial,helvetica][SIZE=-1]£16,000[/SIZE][/FONT] (:eek:) if you estimate 100 or even 150 guests this obviously works out to be a lot more than £75 per head! I agree with the posters who say that a wedding should be about the marriage, not the party, and that they should stick within their limits - I am just pointing out that G&T aren't being uncommonly extravagant...

Although I can see why the idea of wedding lists can be distasteful, I also know that it makes my life so much easier than when there is no such list... (buying that fourth toaster isn't personal or useful! And often more personal gifts are just not appropriate or available... particularly if you only know one half of the couple.)

As long as the request was sensitively written, in a way that ensures that this was only as a suggestion to those guests who would otherwise have spent the same money on actual presents, then I would be quite happy to receive this request.

Incidentally, for this situation I think it would be good if there was an optional system set up that would only give the bride and groom a list of who has given, and the final amount - so that the amount donated by each guest was hidden. This would remove pressure, and leave guests free to give as they could afford :T

the_geary

irritable wrote: »

75 quid a head just to witness a woman change her surname. Presumably they will also have a honeymoon in The Maldives and return in time for the divorce parties, again funded by familty and friends. Even as a hypothasis this is outrageous, surely nobody is sufficiently rude that this dilema is based on fact!!

Well I didn't change my name - do you think our guests felt short-changed? :rotfl:

(NB: we didn't charge anyone, nor did we put in a gift list with the invites)

jeanjeanie_3

How lucky they are to be in a position to not need anything at all. If they want to have such an expensive bash then they should pay for it. A wedding can be as cheap as you want it to be and that does not mean that you enjoy the day any the less. Far too much emphasis is placed on the expense of the day and then so many weddings fail so soon. If they are really getting married for love then the wedding they can really afford should be all they need.

Also if they do not want for anything they could always ask for donations to a charity of their choice or ask people to buy gifts like the goats etc for Oxfam. My daughter received this for an 18th present from a friend and it meant more to her than anything else.

I would not charge for people to come to a celebration of any kind nor ask them to donate to a holiday (which is what a honey moon is!)

Danny_D_4

Me and my fianceé are getting married in January. We chose a winter wedding because it is cheaper, as well as the weather will probably be dry You get the pick on the dates, locations and suppliers. And because it is much quieter as a wedding season, you can negotiate v.good prices with your suppliers. We only wanted a small wedding with family and close friends, so we managed to drop the minimum numbers required for the wedding reception etc. as well. Having a civil ceremony in the location of your reception also helps save money on cars etc.

We have already decided that it is expensive enough for people attending a wedding without having to buy presents or contribute towards it. We won't be asking for any such gifts. We have all we need