Such further or other contact as may be agreed between the parties

brenda10

Bej84 wrote: »

I absolutely agree it does seem to soon to ask for things however I was asking for what I thought was fair for activities I knew I wanted to plan I did explain to Ms xx that I wasn't demanding dates not was I asking for random days to be handed out

ms xx has been promising me I can take my child on holiday since October so regardless of the court case I was always going to ask for that.

I asked to see him for his birthday as he lives 107 miles away and I won't see him for 28 days

And the centre parcs at christmas I thought was a fair alternative to not seeing my child on christmas. I have never seen my child on birthdays or Christmas Day as Ms xx always thought those days were special for her and our child.

I certainly do not want to end up back in court not when it's still so fresh I'm just wondering if this behaviour continues then don't have good enough grounds.

I think your requests are reasonable, 2 week blocks in summer holidays between both parents had to be put in contact order,(6 yr old child) you may have to compromise, she appears to be in the driving seat. Men have a more difficult time overall but later if you feel that contact is not enough to keep the bond with your child and you can afford legal fees etc you can take it back to court but you need good reasons, keep reading other info and see how things go. Never give up if you are a good parent, never let the bond be broken, our family didn't we fought and 50/50 in the end, mother is a narcissist who only cares about wounding her other half and taking the child away from him, her ploy didn't work, she wanted to relocate 350 miles and abroad. Good Luck.

brenda10

Bej84 wrote: »

Thank you

So far Mr xx has requested:

a visit for a few hours on the child's birthday as she is taking him on a 2 week holiday the next day and Mr xx will not see his son for 28 days
2 over night stays to centre parcs to celebrate christmas December 22-24
1 week holiday abroad june / July
1pm pick up on bank holiday Friday instead of the normal 5pm due to Mr xx not working on the bank holiday Friday

Ms xx refused all the above. Mr xx reminded Ms xx that judge said regarding all holidays and other contact Ms xx should be accordant and discuss further contact but Ms xx responded by saying that what the judge ment by that is that they should discuss more contact but she doesn't have to give it.

Is it to reduce your time with your child that she will not give more time, difficult, go for 3 days but I feel if you have had the steady contact for such a long time then 28 days is too long apart from you to keep the bond strong, keep haggling with 'her' but she may agree to nothing. Only other option is bide your time, keep account of all your requests with answers, keep chipping away at her asking and save all texts as evidence, you need to build up a picture of a mother who is simply being UNREASONABLE and NOT doing what she thinks is best for her child(if this is the case). Do not as a man give up, bide your time, never give up, keep the bond, keep exactly to all contact dates and times otherwise 'she' will use that against you in the future and say things like 'he didn't even bother turning up because he has no interest in child etc' Good Luck. do request extra time with your child if you are a good father with honourable intentions.
NEVER GIVE UP. we didn't and won out in the end , took 2 years and a lot of £ but worth it to have our little niece in our lives within a loving family and only half time with a so called 'mother' who only uses her child as a weapon for hurt and money and a 'mother' who only cares about HERSELF.

Bej84

Gigglepig wrote: »

It does not sound like an emergency to me. You still get to see him and this way his routine stays the same (might be good for some 4 year olds)

If you push too much it is not likely to help your relationship with the ex - pick your battles?

It's an emergency because we have a contact order and she is breeching it by refusing to give me my son when the states, it's not about picking my battles

Bej84

mum2one wrote: »

Whilst I can see where your coming from in terms of trying to make arrangements - the section of the court order - means you both need to agree, at the moment you yes may have made 4 geuniue requests - but flip the coin and this could be seen as harresment to the mother.

Family courts do tend to take a strong view of cafcass reports as a basis of their court order.

I can see where you are coming from in terms of wanting to get plans sorted but you really need to take a step back and do it by the book

eg - call to make arrangements - follow up with an email to say just confirming the arrangements made on the phone.

As for visits - use your visits for time for your son.

If you could go for a 6 month period and of this shows that your contact is not being met, then this will show it is not a one off incident and that x,y,z has happened - the question is what do you want out of this, - obviously the weekends etc - but are you looking for custody?

You say she has a solicitor - is she paying as the law changed regarding solicitors and representation, there are few and far between that legal aid pay.

Every request i have is always dismissed yet if she wants a holiday on my weekend or to plan something I have no choice but to say yes.

I would like every other weekend atleast 1 week holiday alternative birthday and Christmases and the option to have extended weekend on bank holidays. His doesn't have proper school holidays as his age so I'm not requesting split holidays yet, when his 5 yes but that's still 11 months away.

She paid a solicitor probably out the £520 pm child support I pay!

Bej84

brenda10 wrote: »

Anything that can be agreed by both of you that you are both happy with, have you got a difficult partner who is out for revenge or are you that partner, IF you can both agree it is better BUT not always possible with difficult other half when they feel they are on the battle field and want to dig their heels in. Good Luck, hope your child is well. Big Hug, not an easy path.x

Difficult is an understatement and it makes it so much harder because I'm always suggesting to do things together so our son can see us getting along. Anything I want is dismissed for example I can not swap my weekend for a different one so my son can go to his cousins birthday party because it's not necasary but she wants to go on a two week holiday with her boyfriend so we HAVE to swap in fact if had no say I was just told.

Bej84

brenda10 wrote: »

A contact order states exact contact.
Usually the judge adds this clause of bog standard nonsense of
'if parents can mediate or agree among themselves' then extra contact with the child could be obtained.
There are problems with this wording as it all boils down to either parent agreeing.
Mother may want to control and limit contact with father out of
spite,
hatred,
power & control feeling,
punishment etc
or
that she feels there may be a risk to child
we do not know what kind of person either father or mother are so it is difficult.
Father can return to court and ask for more contact but this is very costly and as the child is young this may be disallowed.
It seems to me having had a family member in this same position that these are not unreasonable requests for time with ones child but what kind of parent are either of you? we don't know. A mother would if taken to court maybe have to prove why you should NOT be allowed extra contact BUT this is costly going this length, it can be done though, my good brother has got 50/50 even though the horrid mother of his child tried her best to ask for 5/2, the CAFFCASS officer's word is usually what the judge listens to, it is all about money. if you have a difficult partner like was in our family it is a challenge but they are often seen through as their motives are not all about the child/father relationship nurturing but cutting a good father out of a child's life. Good Luck.

I understand your views none of you no who we are as people it's easy for me to say I'm a great person etc. I am only Human so I'm sure I have my flaws but I can tell you iv never been in trouble with the law I do not drink smoke or take drugs and I'm a scaffolder with a 9-5 I pay over £500 a month in child support and I am the best possible father I can be

My ex is a good mother to our son I have no reason to put her down and I'm not that kind of person to slate her to be spiteful and suggest she is bad as a mother, but as a person she's very difficult and controlling and being that I left her she is very bitter about that.

Bej84

brenda10 wrote: »

I think your requests are reasonable, 2 week blocks in summer holidays between both parents had to be put in contact order,(6 yr old child) you may have to compromise, she appears to be in the driving seat. Men have a more difficult time overall but later if you feel that contact is not enough to keep the bond with your child and you can afford legal fees etc you can take it back to court but you need good reasons, keep reading other info and see how things go. Never give up if you are a good parent, never let the bond be broken, our family didn't we fought and 50/50 in the end, mother is a narcissist who only cares about wounding her other half and taking the child away from him, her ploy didn't work, she wanted to relocate 350 miles and abroad. Good Luck.

I will lose my life before I stop fighting for my son. Thank you for your encouragement, it's difficult as a father fighting the mother who doesn't accept you as having parental rights.

Bej84

brenda10 wrote: »

Is it to reduce your time with your child that she will not give more time, difficult, go for 3 days but I feel if you have had the steady contact for such a long time then 28 days is too long apart from you to keep the bond strong, keep haggling with 'her' but she may agree to nothing. Only other option is bide your time, keep account of all your requests with answers, keep chipping away at her asking and save all texts as evidence, you need to build up a picture of a mother who is simply being UNREASONABLE and NOT doing what she thinks is best for her child(if this is the case). Do not as a man give up, bide your time, never give up, keep the bond, keep exactly to all contact dates and times otherwise 'she' will use that against you in the future and say things like 'he didn't even bother turning up because he has no interest in child etc' Good Luck. do request extra time with your child if you are a good father with honourable intentions.
NEVER GIVE UP. we didn't and won out in the end , took 2 years and a lot of £ but worth it to have our little niece in our lives within a loving family and only half time with a so called 'mother' who only uses her child as a weapon for hurt and money and a 'mother' who only cares about HERSELF.

I always save the emails just encase she should try to say I said something I never! would never not turn up to see my son so that will never be used against me. Il fight until I have no fight left, Thank you for your encouragement I'm glad things worked out for you hopefully I can say the same someday soon

brenda10

mum2one wrote: »

Whilst I can see where your coming from in terms of trying to make arrangements - the section of the court order - means you both need to agree, at the moment you yes may have made 4 geuniue requests - but flip the coin and this could be seen as harresment to the mother.

Family courts do tend to take a strong view of cafcass reports as a basis of their court order.

I can see where you are coming from in terms of wanting to get plans sorted but you really need to take a step back and do it by the book

eg - call to make arrangements - follow up with an email to say just confirming the arrangements made on the phone.

As for visits - use your visits for time for your son.

If you could go for a 6 month period and of this shows that your contact is not being met, then this will show it is not a one off incident and that x,y,z has happened - the question is what do you want out of this, - obviously the weekends etc - but are you looking for custody?

You say she has a solicitor - is she paying as the law changed regarding solicitors and representation, there are few and far between that legal aid pay.

This is good advice, father has to be v careful as not seen as a nuisance to the court, use the time now to bond, send texts requesting whatever extra contact you would like, keep replies which may over a period of time show this woman doesn't want the father to have the contact needed in the best interests of the child. It must all be done in the best interest of the child.

brenda10

Bej84 wrote: »

I always save the emails just encase she should try to say I said something I never! would never not turn up to see my son so that will never be used against me. Il fight until I have no fight left, Thank you for your encouragement I'm glad things worked out for you hopefully I can say the same someday soon

Read read read and keep well informed re contact. Read blogs on men's site's in the same situation. Realistically it seems to be that it is in the judges eyes best for the child to have a relationship with both parents if it is SAFE contact. As a man you have to push that little bit extra as woman are always on the upper foot as they are the so called 'mother' of the child, more so little girls would 'seemingly' be best with 'mother'.
Do you have a copy of the contact, if you do keep adhering to it and remember keep the bond and as the child grows up you are in their life, you can go back to court if things change ie mother moves away and contact is more diff but they may expect you to travel half way for that contact. Is her plan to cut you out of your child's life, if you are a good father do not allow this to happen. I know of both mother and fathers who are trying to cut their other half out of the child's life and they can play the game so well even fooling the professionals!!!!. as I said be careful you are not seen as a nuisance to the courts if you return too soon after the last court appearance, time will keep moving on , keep the contact......the BOND will not be broken.