Such further or other contact as may be agreed between the parties

POPPYOSCAR

Bej84 wrote: »

Ms xx has stated that she is in shock and upset that already Mr xx is asking for extra contact so soon after the contact order has been put in place Ms xx feels Mr xx (I) have ignored the courts and judge and is behaving in his old ways and continuing to fight to see his child, this has been an on going battle since April 2011.

Ms xx obviously thinks the judge would add a clause to our contact order just discuss more contact but not actually give it.

Ms xx is focusing on Cafcass recommendations rather then listening to what the judge said.

The cafcass advisor told Mr xx that he could not have thier child for 2 weeks for a summer holiday as it was to much time away from his mother

Mr xx asked for 10 days Cafcass said no he then asked for 7 and cafcass said 3 days maximum!

The judge then said that 7 days is a sufficient amount of time in any one period as the child is only 4 and had no time concept as of yet.

Ms xx is now saying that a week holiday can not happen with Mr xx because Cafcass only recommended 3days.

I don't want to be seen to be going back and forth to court and waisting yet more money and more of the judges time if I do not have good enough grounds to do so.

Thank you all so much for your help

I do agree 14 days is a long time for a 4 year old to be away from his mother even though I know he would be with you.

The judge has said 7 days but perhaps just for this year you could compromise with her and just take him away for 3.(That would also go down well with the court) Perhaps agree to this if she will agree to everything else you ask for.

You are not wasting the court time as you are being refused extra contact time for holidays and your ex refuses to discuss it.

Bej84

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I do agree 14 days is a long time for a 4 year old to be away from his mother even though I know he would be with you.

The judge has said 7 days but perhaps just for this year you could compromise with her and just take him away for 3.(That would also go down well with the court) Perhaps agree to this if she will agree to everything else you ask for.

You are not wasting the court time as you are being refused extra contact time for holidays and your ex refuses to discuss it.

I also agree 14 days is a long time but if you do not ask you do not get so I had to start at 14 days or I would probably have left with - days!

14 days was a bargaining offer I was very happy with 7 days. I have nothing to compromise as Ms xx simply feels that the clause was added so it could be discussed Ms xx wrote to say that it does not mean she has to give said contact and there for Mr xx and Ms xx should stick to every other weekend and no more

RAS

Bej84

Understand how frustrating this is but at the moment you are playing into her hands. She can claim that you are making too many requests too quickly and it does you no good with CAFCASS.

You have an order for every two weeks and half way delivery. make that work, then ask for more.

Stop for a few weeks.

Then write; you need evidence not stuff on e-mail if you can help.

Then go back LIP with evidence that Msxx thinks that to discuss simply means for her to reject. The judge will put her right and will probably order fixed holidays.

hippihaz

its is a standard response by the courts to say the any further contact should be agreed between the two parties and unfortunately it means exactly that - it means unless Ms xx agrees to it as well then your requests are meaningless.
However we have had to get everything written into court documents, eg 2 weeks in summer or to have 1 week summer and 1 week in one of the half terms, christmas arrangements with day/times for switch overs, alternate new year (again with times, places etc), that both dad, stepmum or paternal grandparents could pick up on our weekends, that phone contact could be made twice a week on specified days, and if our weekend fell on a bank holiday monday we would have that too.
All the above the court originally thought could be sorted between ms and mr, however when realised it couldnt, they agreed consistency was best for the child and all the above was put in the order. Incidentally 2 weeks in the summer was given from 5 without any issues.

Bej84

I absolutely agree it does seem to soon to ask for things however I was asking for what I thought was fair for activities I knew I wanted to plan I did explain to Ms xx that I wasn't demanding dates not was I asking for random days to be handed out

ms xx has been promising me I can take my child on holiday since October so regardless of the court case I was always going to ask for that.

I asked to see him for his birthday as he lives 107 miles away and I won't see him for 28 days

And the centre parcs at christmas I thought was a fair alternative to not seeing my child on christmas. I have never seen my child on birthdays or Christmas Day as Ms xx always thought those days were special for her and our child.

I certainly do not want to end up back in court not when it's still so fresh I'm just wondering if this behaviour continues then don't have good enough grounds.

POPPYOSCAR

Bej84 wrote: »

I also agree 14 days is a long time but if you do not ask you do not get so I had to start at 14 days or I would probably have left with - days!

14 days was a bargaining offer I was very happy with 7 days. I have nothing to compromise as Ms xx simply feels that the clause was added so it could be discussed Ms xx wrote to say that it does not mean she has to give said contact and there for Mr xx and Ms xx should stick to every other weekend and no more

Yes I know but the problem you have here is even if you do go back to court and get exactly what you want your ex still has to comply.

You could find yourself in and out of court and several thousands lighter if you cannot get her to be reasonable.

Bej84

hippihaz wrote: »

its is a standard response by the courts to say the any further contact should be agreed between the two parties and unfortunately it means exactly that - it means unless Ms xx agrees to it as well then your requests are meaningless.
However we have had to get everything written into court documents, eg 2 weeks in summer or to have 1 week summer and 1 week in one of the half terms, christmas arrangements with day/times for switch overs, alternate new year (again with times, places etc), that both dad, stepmum or paternal grandparents could pick up on our weekends, that phone contact could be made twice a week on specified days, and if our weekend fell on a bank holiday monday we would have that too.
All the above the court originally thought could be sorted between ms and mr, however when realised it couldnt, they agreed consistency was best for the child and all the above was put in the order. Incidentally 2 weeks in the summer was given from 5 without any issues.

This is what I was hoping to get out of court. I told Ms xx I was self representing and she blind sided me by showing up with a solicitor who kept putting me down telling me I had no rights to try and take my child away from Ms xx. I really felt ganged up on and I never got to say half the stuff I wanted to I really was quiet upset and I feel I missed my opportunity to express my self and all the issues we have had and explain why that's why I request an order and not just be told to sort it out.

Bej84

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Yes I know but the problem you have here is even if you do go back to court and get exactly what you want your ex still has to comply.

You could find yourself in and out of court and several thousands lighter if you cannot get her to be reasonable.

Ms xx specifically asked what will happen to her if she does not comply she was told she will face community service so I would like to hope Ms xx will comply although she has mentioned me not seeing my child for a few months while he settle into his new home! Ms xx quickly said though she's not saying that will happen she's just saying it could have been an option!

Bej84

I have also requested Skype to which Ms xx said I can do once a week but not until she relocates end of April!

RAS

Bej84 wrote: »

This is what I was hoping to get out of court. I told Ms xx I was self representing and she blind sided me by showing up with a solicitor who kept putting me down telling me I had no rights to try and take my child away from Ms xx. I really felt ganged up on and I never got to say half the stuff I wanted to I really was quiet upset and I feel I missed my opportunity to express my self and all the issues we have had and explain why that's why I request an order and not just be told to sort it out.

Go talk to www.fnf.org.uk and then you know much more how to represent yourself.

You could take a McKenzie friend ( even if it is only a mate who has been throught the same and gives you notes to keep you on track).