Relationship advice, any thoughts welcome

lantanna

It doesn't sound like you are too happy, if you feel that you are not getting out what you are putting in why don't you have a discussion with him about how you are feeling.


It may just be that he is settled and so has gotten a bit complacent and doesn't even notice that you are feeling a bit neglected.


Men in general can be very funny about Valentines Day - some go over the top and some totally ignore it as they can't stand the commercialism associated with it. Some just find the whole thing a bit naff.


Personally I think you should just have a chat with your boyf and tell him how you are feeling and see what his response is. Relationships need to be worked at and given a rejig as such every so often. Good luck

Mojisola

lantanna wrote: »

Men in general can be very funny about Valentines Day - some go over the top and some totally ignore it as they can't stand the commercialism associated with it. Some just find the whole thing a bit naff.

In a relationship, there has to be some give-and-take. I don't expect big romantic gestures from my OH because that's not what he's like. I knew that when we got together. If I needed that kind of overt expression of feelings, I'd have got together with a different man.

On the other hand, if he knew I would be upset if he didn't do something, he would come up with something.

Personally I think you should just have a chat with your boyf and tell him how you are feeling and see what his response is. Relationships need to be worked at and given a rejig as such every so often. Good luck

Talking is definitely the way to go.

If, like on other occasions, he says sorry but doesn't change his behaviour, chocolate_lover has to decide whether she wants to spend the rest of her life knowing that he doesn't care enough to make an effort for her.

Orlando_Virgin

I've read it all, and as simply as I can put it, it looks to me like you're sub-consciously looking for a way out. He isn't really doing a great deal wrong and when people stated that to you and said it's more likely unhappiness within yourself, you came back with something about him being jealous as well, which had nothing to do with the original post.

You need to figure out if you wanna stay with him, me personally, if I'd been with someone for 4 years and would question whether I'd say yes to marriage, alarm bells would be ringing.

Prothet_of_Doom

The OP sounds like my wife.
I spent the first 5 years of marriage saying "If you want be to do something, tell me exactly what it is you want, and let me do it without interferrence"

It turns out that having done some dodgy online test, I'm probably borderline aspergers.

I don't do flowers at Valentines. I do them when not expected, because I feel like it.

hgotsparkle

I think you're thinking too much into things. Some people prefer to say their feelings than show them. My OH doesn't really talk about his feelings, he prefers to do things for me to show he cares which leads me to asking if he loves me, and thats usually if I've been overthinking because I'm bored. Yet, I like to express my feelings by telling him how I feel and I'm a much more sensitive person than he is, though I do things for him, I prefer to say how I feel.Some people are just like that, I would rather he would tell me hes loves me along with showing me, but thats just not him and I think the same goes in your situation, your boyfriend prefers to tell you how he feels as thats the person he is.

miller

chocolate_lover wrote: »

I have been with my bf for 4 years (I'm 24, he is 29) and lately i have been feeling really miserable and sad.

chocolate_lover wrote: »

I also feel like our relationship is deteriorating, as I am always sad

paulineb wrote: »

From your posts, it seems like you are trying to convince yourself that your relationship is done.

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

I've read it all, and as simply as I can put it, it looks to me like you're sub-consciously looking for a way out.

I have selectively quoted various parts from the thread to make the point that IMO a visit to the GP would be beneficial. An ex-girlfriend of mine had depression and her behaviour was a bit like the OP's. The GP even suggested that she looked to sabbotage relationships because of it (I do not understand how that works, but the evidence here suggests it's possible).

So I'd say, make an appointment to see your GP then chat with your BF and hopefully you can work through it. Cut back on alcohol if you drink and get some exercise - it will make you feel better.

In the meantime try not to nit pick what he does/doesn't do. FWIW you've got a point about Valentines Day, but the other stuff, not so much.

COMPETITIONFANATIC

Try reading Men are from Mars women are from venus by John Gray ,

If u do let me know what u think

Person_one

miller wrote: »

I have selectively quoted various parts from the thread to make the point that IMO a visit to the GP would be beneficial. An ex-girlfriend of mine had depression and her behaviour was a bit like the OP's. The GP even suggested that she looked to sabbotage relationships because of it (I do not understand how that works, but the evidence here suggests it's possible).

So I'd say, make an appointment to see your GP then chat with your BF and hopefully you can work through it. Cut back on alcohol if you drink and get some exercise - it will make you feel better.

In the meantime try not to nit pick what he does/doesn't do. FWIW you've got a point about Valentines Day, but the other stuff, not so much.

I think its far more likely that a relationship started when the OP was only 20 has come to a natural end, rather than her being mentally ill!

Sometimes, things just end. There isn't always a dramatic conclusion, or a clear good guy and bad guy, just two people who've grown up and apart.

Robisere

COMPETITIONFANATIC wrote: »

Try reading Men are from Mars women are from venus by John Gray ,

If u do let me know what u think

Exactly!

I am a bloke just 25 years into my second marriage, could not be happier with my missus but there are times when we do not understand each other. However, it does not matter that I do not always show what I feel about her - she came to understand a long time ago that is how I am. Just as I came to understand that my point of view is not necessarily hers. It's called a solid relationship and I buy her flowers at times she does not expect. We look after each other and we love our kids and g-kids to bits.

For her 50th birthday, I bought her a Helicopter Flying lesson, she was gobsmacked.

We really are different you know, but I would like to bet that your bf loves you, just has real trouble showing it. And coming home from work to an obviously depressed OH, would P me off, TBH, although I admit I would try to find out what was wrong. Eventually, when it penetrated my male brain that something was wrong.

paulineb_2

COMPETITIONFANATIC wrote: »

Try reading Men are from Mars women are from venus by John Gray ,

If u do let me know what u think

That's Dr oops I bought my PHD John Gray

Id rather take relationship advice from Ozzy Osborne.