Depression Support Thread

shazrobo

Miroslav wrote: »

There are only so many times a person can say they will change.

Maybe it's a case of trying to be friends and seeing what happens.

I'd be a hypocrite to say 'give him one more go' as i'm someone who strongly believes that someone should get away from any kind of abuse, yet I see so many women inparticular who stay with men who treat them bad, for a variety of reasons - car, money, sex etc are silly reasons, however when love, children etc are involved, it can be tough and there are many more i'm sure.

Does he drink heavily or deal in drugs?

he drinks quite a lot, but has never touched drugs to my knowledge. when i have mentioned that i need space and for us just to be friends, he just keeps pushing me, saying he needs my love etc, and can't accept just friends

shazrobo

morning all, i'm up early this morning, sons have a self defence lesson, and guess who is their taxi driver lol
bmf, big hugs, we are all here for you, just give us a shout
fantastico, try and do something to treat yourself and help you relax this weekend, take your mind of worrying, not easy i know, my own blood test results were not brill, i've to go back again on thurs to have them done again.
thanks tiff for posting the pics, they put a smile on my face, which isnt always easy at the mo.
big hugs to all those that need one
shaz x

Tiff_2

Hi shaz!:hello:
How are you this morning hun - apart from being physically and emotionally exhausted, I mean?
I'm sorry you were feeling so low shaz.

quote=shazrobo
hi all, feeling really low, sorted sons problems out at school, and he has had a good day there, so i should be happy.
It's probably partly due to the emotional fall-out of everything you've gone through recently angel. You should feel really proud of yourself for getting DS sorted out at school. Remember hun, you ''should'' not be anything! You've been through a lot and need some recovery time.

but, i split with my bf over a week ago, it has been kind of on off for a while now, he was always putting me down etc. anyway since we have split, he says, he has realised how much hurt he has caused me, and that he is truly sorry, loves me, and wants to give us another try.
Sorry to hear about you and bf hun.

the think is i dont want to hurt him further by telling him it is deff over, if there is a chance that he will chance. but my biggest fear is going back to him, and suffering all the pain all over again. we have only been together a year, and in that time, there has been some good times, and some really awful ones, where i attemped suicide twice, and recently started cutting myself. on top of this i have two sons to consider who both really like him, they have had no contact from their own dad for years, but i also dont want them to see there mum suffering and hurting too.
so confused
shaz x /quote
Ok hun, I'm just going to jump in with all 4 paws here.
In my humble opinion shaz, I think you need to tell him it's definitely over. You made your decision for good reasons angel.
I have been in a 13 year marriage that turned into physical and emotional abuse. It took that long for me (& DS), to leave him because I thought there was a chance for him to change and because I didn't want to affect DS by taking him away from his dad. Oh - and having somebody is better than having nobody, right? No!
When I balanced it out, the bad far outweighed the good and I made my choice. I did all I could to help ex-h, inspite of everything. He begged me to go back to him, promised to change, but I couldn't. When fear is greater than love, there's no choice to make really. And I thought 4 years ago, that he was finally back to the man with morals and sensitivity that I'd known, that he had changed - & I was pleased about that. He was working and had moved in with his girlfriend too, so he was really settled.
When I found out 2 years ago, that he was having affairs - something he never did with me in all out time together - and that his temper is still as bad as ever even now, I was gutted. He'd always been a very moral person. I'd have bet all my smarties that he'd never do anything like that. Of course, it was my fault he was behaving this way, because I'd left him.

So you see angel, for something like this situation, I really don't think he can change, especially as he's like this to you regularly. For a relationship of a year in length, (or any length!), you shouldn't be facing these issues with him hunnie. He's had a year to change but didn't and I think the first year or two of a relationship is when people usually show their better sides!
Try not to think about hurting him angel - he doesn't give you the same consideration. Fear, suffering, hurting - all your own words! - and love, don't go together.
You say about the suicide attempts and the recent self-harming that happened in 1 year hun - you're answering your own question right there sweetheart. Be honest with him, (and yourself!), and no matter how much he begs and pleads, stick to your decision.

I know I haven't known you on here very long hun, but you should never stay in a relationship just for your boys. I didn't know just how much upset and fear DS was living with and he was so glad I made the choice I did. I know the problems the boys have angel and tbh, I think they'd get on with any loving man who came into your life, because they're such nice kids. They'll get on with anyone because they like to please and are affectionate from what you say in other posts - and it'll be the same when the right man comes into your life. I think it's probably better to stop it now, before they get even more attached to him. He's in a relationship with 3 very vulnerable people - he's not the right kind of person imho, that should have that kind of power to abuse.
I hope I've not upset you hunnie, I'm only being honest with you about my opinion.

shazrobo wrote: »

i'm still up. i know how your feeling, about wanting to be special to someone, especially at this time of year, i always attract the men that end up causing me pain.
big hugs
shaz x

The holidays are always bad for people who are lonely hun - I agree with you. Remember though, there's a difference between being lonely and being alone. It doesn't have to be both for you shaz. Being alone can just mean independance, where you choose what you want to do.

shazrobo wrote: »

we've had the same discussions so many times before, and insisted on change, and he has promised to try, but then he goes back to his old ways. not sure if he is capable of changing. he says the nastiest things sometimes, putting me down because i'm ill, then the next minute he can be so nice, i never know where i stand with him and its like walking on egg shells all the time
shaz x

If he's like this in the 1st year angel, what do you think he'll be like after 5 years? You shouldn't have to be this anxious hun.

Sorry if I offend guys, but here's a little something for anyone who's trying to make their mind up about this kind of situation, to use once they have decided.




You deserve better angel. Try and believe in yourself shaz and trust your own instincts.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

shazrobo

thanks for your kind reply, tiff, i am worth better than him, and i'm proberbly better off without him,
still stuck in the mindset, of having somebody is better than having nobody, which i know is wrong, just so alone and messed up.
i know what i've gotta do, just need to find the courage to tell him its over for good, which seems so damned hard, when he does appear to be trying at the moment.
guess i feel sorry for him:o I truly did everything I could in this relationship, and gave everything, including very nearly ended up giving up my life.
my kids need their mum, and he not worth it, i know that now.
sorry that you and ds have been through similar, but over a longer period of time.
feel like life is so hard right now, and gotta face telling him its over for good, and i'm so alone apart from my kids, i'm so isolated i have only one real friend, apart from all of you here of course.
thanks for taking the trouble to read and reply, it helps to know i can come here and get things off my chest
big hugs
shaz x

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Morning! hope everyone is alright Its so miserable here in Devon today it really is,I am not doing much today so I am staying indoors and having a relaxing weekend

Hope you all have a nice weekend


*hugs* to all that need one


love and light,

Katie xxx

gillette147

Miro:
I just want to say I think you are a great bloke and it's good to see you around again.
BigMumma:
You can have have all the help here and privately that you want from me. I find that only people that have gone thru things like that themselves can truely understand. Unfortunately I am one that does xxx
Shaz:
We don't get to choose who we love. But we can choose who we are with. The pain takes along time to go (mine hasn't fully) but you have to do what's right. The day you start is the day getting over it begins xxx
Tiff:
You haven't seen my message on your arms thread i'm guessing lol xx
fanta:
Hi, we haven't spoken before. This place is where we get to rant/moan and you are always welcome xx
ALL the others:
Hugs and handshakes from you to me xxx

Well I have a sniffy cold and I have handed in my notice at work. I have nothing else to go to but I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT THERE ANY MORE!!!

I have tried so hard but the lies, the stress, the impossibility of it is just too much for me to take. New year, new effort.

I have left feeling life is too short. I just hope my life sorts itself (with my help) out soon. I have been on the cusp for 13 months now. Bowt time I got a break.

fantastico_2

The sun has just come out here, so i am thinking of going out for a walk in a minute with my dog. I'm feeling alot better now than what i was this morning. Hope everyone i feeling ok and managing today, Take care and love to you all H xx

shazrobo

fantastico wrote: »

The sun has just come out here, so i am thinking of going out for a walk in a minute with my dog. I'm feeling alot better now than what i was this morning. Hope everyone i feeling ok and managing today, Take care and love to you all H xx

glad you getting some sun, here in yorkshire, it has been dark, and raining all day it is awful weather
shaz x

fantastico_2

Hope the weather gets better for you tomorrow and for the week ahead. Sunshine can help to lift our spirits a little, even though the wind it blowing a a gale i dont mind that to much.
H xx

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,


Hope you are all well,I am fine,I have done a lot today,been on Pc entering advent comps this morning so that kept me busy for a while :)I then saw my parents as they came over to see me for a bit got my bus pass application for next April sent off today as I need a new bus pass by next April so I can go on buses all over England,then I went out for a walk as I felt I needed the exercise,then I went to the shops for a browse and got my newspaper ,then I got a cake,went home and microwaved myself some macaroni cheese which was nice

I read my newspaper then I settled down about 2pm writing christmas cards,adding christmas stamps and then at 3pm I went to post them all so its all done,still have more christmas cards to write but they can be done another day Casualty is on at 8.45pm tonight and I will be watching it I have to spot Maggie for Miro :rotfl:


*hugs* to those that need one


love and light,

Katie xxx