Depression Support Thread

BigMummaF

Hi Zippy, hope you do manage a quick wander. Sometimes when I think about going out, it all becomes too much of an effort. It doesn't seem to make much difference to know that if I DID go out I would feel better for the going! So even tho that 'x'word doesn't enter my vocabulary very often, more power to your muscles!!! BMFx
[x=X ercise!]

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Hope you are all well,I am fine,still enjoying my rest in hospital and its doing me good,I feel now that I am getting stronger although I cannot return home just yet as I am not ready to.Next Monday I am going over for half an hour to see how I cope,then another day going to go for an hour to see how I get on.I cannot rush going back too soon in case I relapse again as It has to be done in stages,but I miss you all loads

look after yourselves
*hugs* to everyone

love and light,

Katie xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible! Don't hold your breath!

THE TIFF CHRONICLES ~ PART 3 continued...

Right so back to ex & his philandering. I came to learn in his boyish excitment of the situation & his need for advice, that 'x' was highly unpedictable, an alcoholic, violent & aggressive (she pushed her last boyfriend through the plat gass window of a shop when he finished with her!), extremely jealous, wanted by the police & a cocaine user! He hated this drugs stuff because he always kept himself fit & in fighting form. He kept saying he had to let her down gently as she had threatened suicide before & he knew she was so unstable as to come looking for him.
Now I believed in karma & should have been able to enjoy watching him sink deeper into the mire, but I was royally pussed off - it was my address she had. She made her ex-boyfriends sound like something of a low life & was very good at lying & playing for sympathy. She was also totally irrational - eg. after they'd had their 1st intimate encounter (yeuccccchhhhh!), she asked him if she was the first white woman he'd slept with & when he said no, that his ex-wife was white, she went nuts shouting and swearing, saying it should have been her! I did not want some onion tart come knocking on my door, especially if DS was visiting.
Then she announced she was pregnant by him. I told him she was bluffing. I was right. He'd told his partner that someone in his family over here had died (he does have family in London), & he was going down there, then the funeral, then sorting out some family business to do with the dead person, then martial arts tournaments - all to explain each weekend away to her & not telling me, so whenever his partner & I spoke on the phone arranging DS visits, I had to play along with what he'd said to her. I don't lie & was hating this.

Meanwhile, the situation for DS at carers had gotten worse. If DS, now 15, didn't want to go along with them drinkng with their friends, they 'd lock him out of the house & tell him the rough time they'd be back! There was mould on food and the place was dirty, even having dried on food on dinner plates - they told him he was lucky to be there & not to be so fussy!! This was again in front of the lady who brought him over to me from the carers.
I wrote a formal letter - again! - & insisted that he be removed from the carers immediately, as was my legal right. Social services had assigned yet another new social worker to us all & she phoned me to say they would do this, but needed to check out his ''dad's'' place first (he was now living with his partner for quite a while) & look into getting a bed for DS, now 6ft odd tall. They approved their flat & DS moved in, sleeping on the couch.
I thought I have to tell her what's going on because if they spent a couple hundred £s on a bed, & everything went pear-shaped because of what his dad was doing & they found out that I knew, God knows when I'd get him back. So I told her everything as above & said I didn't want to lie & felt I had to tell her what was happening because I was worried about what would happen to DS if they split up - not only would his dad be homeless but DS would be too. I told her how I still had the parcel (ex had asked me to get rid of it but I thought even then, that this was proof that I knew nothing about all this if it blew up in his face), if she didn't believe me that had been sent with the undies in & how ex had taken the gifts. When she told me that he was a grown man, that he could do what he wanted, that she didn't want to see another woman's knickers, that it was his private life & I needed to stay out of his business, I felt sick and very upset.

I'd had more than enough. I told him I wouldn't lie for him - either go & be with her or end it, because it wasn't fair on DS or his partner or me. He started to get irate & said it had nothing to do with me. I said that as we had a DS together & that as he had used my address without my permission, it had everything to do with me! It was nearly 8 weeks since I'd found out , before he said he was going one last time to end it - again.
It was a Sunday & yet again he'd not returned home on the Saturday as promised. I was getting really stressed out & upset over all this for weeks. His partner phoned me & asked if I'd heard from him & I'd said no, but you know what families are like sorting out personal affairs after someone passes. She sounded shocked and said 'What? He told me he was going to Birmingham for a competition he'd got tickets to see.' God that phone was like a brick in my hand. He'd told us both different stories & had been caught out. She said she knew something was wrong recently & asked me if I knew anything. I stuttered and burst into tears, couldn't think quickly enough. She said 'Please tell me, I'd rather know than not know, whatever it is.''
And God forgive me, I told her every last detail. We were both in tears. She said she'd bring DS over to me so that her and ex could talk when he got back. When she got here she was in a state as was I. I hugged her and kept saying sorry & that it wasn't her fault & I knew he loved her. I hoped he did, because otherwise he was just being cruel. She said she was glad I told her, that she didn't blame me, that they'd talk when he got back later (he'd phoned her earlier) & that maybe they could work something out & we hugged again & she apologised for lying to me. I told her just to be careful.
DS didn't know what was going on. All of a sudden, he was here with me and with a bag of his things & he wanted to kow what was happening. He told me to please tell him the truth because he felt lied to by social services, carers and everyone trying to run his life & changing things all the time. He was 6 months away from being 16. And I told him. I told him nearly everything.

DS said he knew something was going on because dad & partner were arguing, & because she wanted to go & support him with the funeral etc but he said that DS neede her to be with him here.He started to cry & came over to hug me, saying he hated his dad for doing this to his dad's partner, for putting me in that awful position & he was also scared for me & his dad's partner because he knew all too well from watching his dad abuse me, just what he was capable of & I reassured him saying that if his dad came to the house, I'd phone the police that we were all safe. I was so relieved that ex's partner wanted to work things out because she loved him so much that I phoned ex's mobile & he answered, saying he was at the train station & train was due any minute. I told him all that had happened and that his partner knew and that she wanted to work things out, so not to worry because it was all out in the open now & they could work it out. He went mad, swearing, screaming down the phone, calling me names. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but if I was being such a hard-hearted b*tch, I'd have told her straight off and then just sat back to enjoy the foreworks. I tried to explain that he'd told us both different stories etc. but no, it was all my fault & was threatening me. All the old fear came rushing back to me inside & I felt cold & sick & cowardly. But I knew one thing, that I'd protect DS no matter what it took.

Sorry guys - got to go. DS home plus procedure I went through this a.m. went wrong & had to be stopped, leaving me in pain. But that's life sometimes, ain't it?
What I also feel sorry for is that this Tiff's story will have to end in part 4 & I'm sorry for putting you through all this reading. Please feel free to smack my muzzle and send me to my basket if you've had enough of me - honestly, I won't be offended.
If you don't know how much I care about you, how much I love my Tifflings, how bad I feel that I'm neglecting your important problems, then you don't know Tiff at all.
You just don't know how much some of you are really part of me and how very precious you all are. Take care guys. Part 4 tomorrow. Have a great weekend everyone and be kind to yourselves. I'm thinking of you all.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

BigMummaF

:coffee: :staradmin Hey Tiff.....not meaning to be flippant, but this is way better than Ender Street or Corrie Farm:rotfl: :rotfl: I'm laughing because my ex could well be the same person as yours,& I've done almost the same as you, even to counselling the 'new' partner when he was cheating on them! Love is Blind my !!!!!......more like people who care need not apply!

Hi to All....hope you've had a good one & have booked some "me" time for the weekend. I was hoping to take pup out tomorrow, for his first walk since Tuesday, but the little mite has started coughing again.:o
AND the birthday boy from last week & I have had another run-in...he's down the pub again tonight, like he was last night & the night before that!:mad: But he cannot afford to drink like that, even soft drinks cost don't they--but more than that he is supposed to be signed off work with a bad back! We [the other offspring &I] tried to explain that if his boss wanted to, a private investigator could be checking on him to see just how bad his back is. And then he really would be up the Brown River without a paddle!
Parenthood should come with a Health Warning!:rotfl:

Peaceful Minds folks. BMFx

elona

(((Tiff))))

You deserved a lot better and have coped fantastically well with more than one person should have to!

poppyjay

hi hope everyone one ok
i feel really bad about asking this after reading everyones else problems but im finding thing very hard i just dont know why im feeling like this . Its like every little thing is so hard but i cant say what it is im finding hard???
im back at the docon 18 but i seem to be swing from high to low is should this be happening? will it pass ?
im sorry to ask but feel very low

dawnylou

I think this world is disgusting,
Too much is expected of everyone.

As much as I love the idea of having children, I would hate to leave them in this evil world that is bound to just destroy them anyway.

Tiff_2

poppyjay wrote: »

hi hope everyone one ok
i feel really bad about asking this after reading everyones else problems but im finding thing very hard i just dont know why im feeling like this . Its like every little thing is so hard but i cant say what it is im finding hard???
im back at the docon 18 but i seem to be swing from high to low is should this be happening? will it pass ?
im sorry to ask but feel very low

H poppyjay!:hello:
I saw your little green light on hun. Is it a case of you being out on the tiles all night or being an early bird? How are you now hun?
I understand what you're going through angel. Imho angel, everything passes. No-one stays feeling the same forever. Mental ill health can really drain us & we don't know how to describe it all sometimes sweetheart - and that doesn't matter. I'd concentrate on just getting the basics done, shower, food etc., - don't take on anything else hun.
If you're still feeling poorly by Monday hun, I'd call the dr's secretary & explain & see if you can get it brought forward. If not, ask them to phone you if they get any cancellations if you could go at short notice.

Your problems are very important pj! Because mental ill health is the way it is, there's no right way or wrong way to feel. Book an appt (emergency, if necessary) Monday with your gp angel, if you're struggling still. Don't struggle with all the whys & wherefores hun, it doesn't matter. The main thing you need to do now hun is to switch off all the thinking, relax as much as you can & look after yourself. And you know we're always here to listen pj, ok? Hoping you have a good weekend hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

dawnylou wrote: »

I think this world is disgusting,
Too much is expected of everyone.

As much as I love the idea of having children, I would hate to leave them in this evil world that is bound to just destroy them anyway.

Hi dawny!:hello:
How's you hun?
I think there are times when we are staggered and sickened by the cruel things that happen in the wold hun. I agree that too much is expected of everyone & it's generally us doing it to ourselves, imho!
We'd like life to be stuffed into a cereal box & get just what it says on the packet. If only...:rolleyes:
We tend to try & please everyone and apply very high standards to them, which they may not be capable reaching.
I tell you what though dawny ~ there are some really wonderful peeps in the world too.:A Don't forget hun that this this may be your illness talking. Plese get some help for yourself\\\\

poppyjay

thanks tiff feel alot better this morning just got really bad last night had a good cry cant understand itnothing happened to make me feel low had a nice day it just started about 6 and i cant explain it
i seem to swing from high to low but i no my tablets are working because its not happening as often as i did but it scares me im not sure what i my do to myself
hope everyone well big hugs everyone and thank you