Depression Support Thread

rose07

Hi hun

How r u today?

poppycracker wrote: »

afternoon rose :hello: and everyone else

I'm still knackered. Woke up at 9.30 (!) this morning, haven't slept that long in ages. Went with OH to his other job chipping potatoes. Was a nice change to have a completely manual task to do and a tangible outcome (my word I seem to have swallowed a dictionary). In my job, there is no outcome, just slogging away day after day, and feeling very not appreciated. That's how I'm feeling today, which I shouldn't be since I'm not actually working this weekend.

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I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight and get a good rest. I would say musta been nice to be outside, but all it seems to be doing atm is raining, wheres the summer gone? Do you ever get some you time? Its important to get some time for you, but im sure you know that.

Strathpeffer is about 15ish miles north of Inverness, it used to be a spa town in Victorian times so its full of huge colonial style houses (most of which are now hotels). OH's cousin chefs in a restaurant there. And the flowers were just a bunch of flowers from the garden, some wild some not. I love flowers, but my absolute favorites are gerbera daises (none of those in the bunch though).

Oooo its nice up there aint it? I live in the hills as it were and its lovely when the summer comes around, you have the bluebells, daffodils and all. very nice when they light up the valley.

I run a sheltered housing scheme for a private company. That means I'm on call 24 hours a day for ten days at a stretch then get four days off. There are two of us, but OH is not allowed to drive so if I did have to hare through to her, he would have to stay here. She could get away from him, her friend over the road is going to contact the council tomorrow up where her parents live to start the process of finding a house for her and the kids up there. And no, he doesn't hurt the kids, but I'm worried what they are learning. They had a hard enough time when she was living with their dad. He had the wee boy that was with them at the time on his lap when they got back and was whispering in his ear. I can just imagine what he was telling him too. :mad:

Sounds like your job keeps you busy and is prob rewarding for you as well. I did a project within a womens refuge where i helped build the confidence of the women and we worked in a team to get the project done, prob one of the most rewarding things ive done.

I agree its not healthy for the kids to be seeing what is going on between your friend and her oh. and the oh its prob saying things against your friend, i sincerely hope this isnt the case to.



That's what I'm worried about, she rarely rings us now, and then when we ring her, she makes excuses about her mobiles not working or whatever, when I know fine (now) that its him not letting her talk to anyone. He's very clingy, always touching and kissing her etc, I thought he was just being cute, now I know better and I'm raging about it now that I didn't realise sooner :mad: . She knows she needs to get away from him but I don't think she has the strength. Just makes me so mad that I can't actually do anything.

She needs to ring you more, can you contact her? and make sure your in regular contact? Sounds like he is doing every thing possible to try and trap her off from the things she gets her strength from, like her friends.
Dont let him get between your friendship, as it sounds like she needs the support atm. All you can do is be there for her

Hope you managed a good sleep last night rose, feeling any more positive today?

I think i got 2 much sleep :rotfl:
Im feelin just ok atm, going to go do some painting tomorrow at the unit, as i know it will give me the lift im needing. I guess its important to do something fun, takes me away from all this mayhem :rolleyes:



I better finish this post (book) here! (((((big hugs))))))) to everyone, hope you are having a brighter day today.
huggles
PC

I hope you have a good day tomorrow and that you get some rest

take care pc

xxx

slowlyfading

good evening everyone. am off to bed in a minute as i'm in a really bad mood - as mclaren knows - and can't face anyone or anything anymore at this point. am off to alton towers in the morning and have to get up at 6AM so I probably wont update tomorrow at all - depends on what time we get back obviously.
dont worry, and i hope everyone else is okay.
sf x

santashelper_2

got through today expect for one hitch went to car boot sale had an anxiety attack but forced myself through it i get so annoyed because they just come out the blue since my breakdown 4 years ago and can sometimes feel like an uphill struggle especially with the dull weather we have been having the last 2 days

tooties

morning everyone,
nothing new with me still just trying to put my life back together under continual scrutiny from the family but then i suppose thats to be expected.
feeling a bit low and down the family keep asking what they can do to help and i can only answer nothing cos i know there is nothing they can do for me.
just wish the OD had worked.
hope everyones ok
tooties

andipandi_2

tooties wrote: »

just wish the OD had worked.

theres a saying,"be careful what you wish for"

Sugar_Coated_Owl

Good morning all :hello:

tooties wrote:

just wish the OD had worked.

Oh hun (((HUGS))) I've thought that too after every overdose I've taken. I even refused treatment (did they listen? noooo). I think you briefly mentioned in a previous post about being an in-patient in a psychiatric hospital. From personal experience I would say if the Doctor/psychiatrist/CPN suggests it then go. It can really do you the world of good. Looking back on my time as an in-patient I think it really helped me. I think I read that you're a nurse? Are they aware of what has happened? I work as a pharmacy tech. and my employer is aware of my OD's and admissions as an in-patient. They have been really supportive. Is your employer being supportive towards you?

Fell free to PM me anytime hun (((HUGS))) Please don't ever feel like you're alone xxx

dawnylou

slowlyfading wrote: »

good evening everyone. am off to bed in a minute as i'm in a really bad mood - as mclaren knows - and can't face anyone or anything anymore at this point. am off to alton towers in the morning and have to get up at 6AM so I probably wont update tomorrow at all - depends on what time we get back obviously.
dont worry, and i hope everyone else is okay.
sf x

Have a lovely day!

santashelper wrote: »

got through today expect for one hitch went to car boot sale had an anxiety attack but forced myself through it i get so annoyed because they just come out the blue since my breakdown 4 years ago and can sometimes feel like an uphill struggle especially with the dull weather we have been having the last 2 days

Hope you are feeling better today
At least the weather is a bit better today - it really affects my moods too so I understand what you mean.

tooties wrote: »

morning everyone,
nothing new with me still just trying to put my life back together under continual scrutiny from the family but then i suppose thats to be expected.
feeling a bit low and down the family keep asking what they can do to help and i can only answer nothing cos i know there is nothing they can do for me.
just wish the OD had worked.
hope everyones ok
tooties

That's not a very nice thing to say Tooties! Can you imagine how your family would feel if you were gone? They love you and just want you to be ok. Although it may not always feel like it life is a gift!

Hope everyone else is well today.

Fiance got me motivated to get up early, do some exercise and have a shower before he went to work. So at least I am up and out of pjs! :rotfl:

I lost 3lb which is a good thing!
But have that 'can't be bothered' feeling again now - starting to feel tired again already though, and a little down too.
Not at work til later today so time to pull myself around a bit.

Dreading work after the other day. Can't wait until the weekend! Have some time off.

Fiances first test results come back on Friday - seems so far away

Tiff_2

Hi pc!:hello:
How are you hun?
I'm glad 2 of your visits went well angel. :T
Let's have a look at the third...

quote=poppycracker;6055657
...Then went to see a friend who lives on the way from there to here.

She's in a bad way and I don't know how to help her. Her fella (who we thought was a nice guy) is knocking her around. She told me that he had been and made me swear not to tell my OH (if he found out he'd kill the little S*** because he's fond of her) but then she went off with him, while we were there, 'to talk', and he did it again. Her forehead was covered in lumps when she got in and she had bruises appearing all over. What was worse was that one of her kids was there at the time. What can I do?
Nothing.
When I say nothing hun, I mean that you have to wait until she's ready to leave. I know that sounds like a stupid answer pc, but all you can do is keep in touch and wait.:o I know this is so hard for you but what she will need at some point, is a good friend to turn to, like you and her neighbour.:A

There is no excuse for domestic violence - from either females or males. Domestic violence can be physical, mental or usually both, imho. It causes me alarm to learn that he was violent with her when they went out with the child knowing that you and OH were there waiting for them. This seems to indicate that he knows no fear.

If you whisk her away to 'rescue' her and the children, she'll be back home with him in under a week!
He'll plead his way back into her heart and because she's actually gone as far as moving out, she'll believe that he's finally learned his lesson and that Dr.Jekyll is back for good and Mr.Hyde is gone. He'll mean it when he says sorry, and that's what fools people - he'll actually believe it himself probably.
But there will be a next time.


I've told her that I am always at the end of a phone, but I live 50 miles away and it's not easy to just jump in the car and go when you have a job like mine. I would though.
I know you would hun and she knows that you'll be there when she needs you.;)
Please be reassured that there is lots of help close to her angel. I'll tell you about all this in a minute.;)


Shes got a habit of falling into abusive relationships (physical and mental) so she knows the score but 'she loves him'. I tried to tell her that she was teaching her kids that one it was OK to hit people and two it was OK to let people hit you and I think that got through to her, but next time I looked, she'd put fresh makeup on to hide the bruises and she was cosying up to him as if nothing had happened. Of course, he's sorry. But I'm worried that he is trying to separate her from her friends there and from us.

Her friend over the road and I are going to arrange a system for checking on her, apart from that, and going through when I have the time (andthe petrol money), what else can I do? It's just so frustrating and I'm sitting here shivering and wondering if I did the right thing coming home?????
You've had a huge shock hun.
You did the right thing in not turning the day into a huge ugly scene. That would have hurt the children even more and she might then feel that it's too risky to talk to you. Sadly, it's not unusual for there to be a history of bad relationships where domestic violence is concerned.
You've made plans so you know that someone close to her is looking out for her. You did everything right, pc.



I don't doubt that he will try and separate her from her friends - he has to feel in control angel...
He will try to control and isolate her to try and prevent anyone from knowing.
He will take away her self-esteem and her self-confidence.
She'll stop answering the phone or socialising.
His mind games may even lead her to being grateful that he's in her life, that no-one else will want her.
She'll probably stop looking after herself as well as she should.
She won't want to upset him and will become good at making excuses.
She might feel as though there's no alternatives to having a life with him, no way out.
She may have begun to believe that it's her that's got the problem if she's only had bad relationships
He may make her feel it's all her fault - that she gets him so worked up he can't help himself.
She may feel too scared to leave him - he's showed her that there are consequences to her actions.
She may be frightened that she won't be able to manage.

Practical help...
- start a diary - and get the neighbour to do the same - write down everything you actually saw/see with your own eyes, everything you actually hear, every phone call all with the dates and time. This will help later if the police have to be involved.

- make sure you're the ones who phone her - he may be keeping an eye on her phone bill.

- if possible, get her to take a mobile phone photo of her injuries when they happen and then send them to you or her neighbour's mobile phone. Remind her to erase them afterwards.

- get her neighbour to go to CAB with her. CAB can help with all aspects of domestic violence and will tell her this. It is completely confidential. They will not do anything without her permission, unless the children are at risk.

- CAB will help her with benefits - even getting emergency money for her from DWP until the benefits are all sorted out - and find emergency accommodation for her and the children or take them to her family and will arrange for people to support her through all stages.

- CAB will put her in touch with a solicitor who can get an emergency injunction for him to stay away from her, the children, the house and her family and also from going anywhere that he knows she goes to. If he breaks this, he can be arrested.

-CAB will go to the council with her to find housing. If she feels that she can't return to their home for fear of him returning, the council can arrange for her to transfer to any other part of the country if the fear is great.

- CAB will arrange for a police officer trained in dealing with domestic violence to visit her at the CAB office so that OH won't know. There'll be no pressure on her.

- The police officer can arrange for her to be escorted by police to their home and collect emergency items - paperwork, clothing, toys, food etc. and then take her & the children to a temporary shelter until decisions are made by her.

- if she has access to it, tell her to withdraw a good amount from their bank account - this is the sort of thing I meant when I say she should make a plan on how and when she's going to do this. It'll reassure her that they won't be left to starve.

- she should also visit the gp and tell them what's been happening.

- She should be put in touch with counselling if she wants it, when she's ready.

- She can work with Social Services to get all kinds of help.

- she also needs to tell the children's school hun so that they can keep an eye on them for any signs of distress and so that they can give them a lot of support.


In addition to these things hun, she has to take on board some really serious facts...
- What OH is doing is a crime.

- Both she and her children are at risk. She has to think about their physical, mental and emotional safety.

- She needs help from the professionals.

- She can't help him or change him. He won't stop doing this.

- Her children are being damaged by what they see happening to her.

- He may turn on the children, verbally or physically, if his temper gets out of control.

- She has a legal duty to protect her child/ren.

- She needs to make an escape plan, preferably with the police present when she does it.

- The sooner she realises that she has to leave, the better. Don't wait until say, one of the children bursts into tears at school and tells a teacher, or shows them a bruise somewhere, as they will then have to report it - it's their duty to do so. Even a neighbour might phone the police if they hear a nasty row going on.

- It's a huge burden to put herself and her chldren through. The sooner the damage is limited, the better.

- He will beg, plead and promise and possibly even threaten suicide. It's not her problem - she must not listen to his promises. They're lies.

- She won't be left out on the streets with the children or left to starve - but he'll probably tell her she will be.

- The system can work really quickly to get her help.

Anyway, sorry for such a depressing post so early in the morning, I thought it would help if I wrote it all down.PC/quote
You just lost a blue smartie for apologising for your lovely post!


And further more, I've been down into the Tiff Archives , and here are some websites that may help angel...

www.womensaid.org.uk
www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/family_parent/family/domestic_violence.htm (this is CAB's fact sheet site hun)
www.homeoffice.gov.uk/crime-victims/reducing-crime/domestic-violence
www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/domestic_violence/index.shtml
www.bullyonline.org/related/domestic.htm
www.ncdv.org.uk
www.crimereduction.gov.uk/domesticviolence
www.refuge.org.uk/
www.wdvh.org.uk/
www.nspcc.org.uk/helpandadvice/parentsandcarers/domesticviolence/domesticviolence_wda35960.html

I haven't checked them out, but these are well known agencies and are the professionals you need involved. It can't hurt to check them out angel.;)
All of this will only be helpful when she's ready to go.
I know you're very stressed about this pc - but there's plenty of help for her hun.
I hope all this made sense pc and that someone will take her to check out the options avaialbe in her area.
I hope this information helps sweetheart, even just a little bit.;)



I do know what I'm talking about angel.

I've been there.

Look after yourself pc hun. Thinking of you and your friend. Tiffy hugs.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

andipandi_2

dawnylou wrote: »

That's not a very nice thing to say Tooties! Can you imagine how your family would feel if you were gone? They love you and just want you to be ok. Although it may not always feel like it life is a gift!

it may not be a nice thing to say but that is how tooties feels right now,

personally i see nothing wrong with folks speaking their truth,i'm not going to tell tooties off because i have been there 3 times tried to end it all and i was fed up with "but your family" comments,

true i sought help and nowadays i don't have "i want to end it all thoughts" so much.

tooties,if you want help seek it because it is out there,if you don't fine but you are at risk of something else happening,just try to be sure that that is what you really want .

what is key here is support,support at home not a slating,professional help also and as you know you will find plenty of support and a place to vent on here.

depression,low self esteem,aniexty and maybe guilt,thats alot to deal with when one is suffering from all of them at the same time,one on its own is enough.

Andy

santashelper_2

a book ive recently read which may be of use is called depressive illness the curse of the strong by Dr Tim Cantopher is was very interesting basically is outlines the fact that people who suffer from depression are usually the strong people of society they are the ones who sruggle on and deal with pressures and stresses that other people run away from unfortunately we just push one to many and then literaly blow a fuse this is why our energy levels are deplited

It also states that many successful people have suffered with this such as

Oliver Cromwell
Abraham Lincoln
Issac Newton
Edgar Allen Poe
Ludwig Va Beethoven
Vincent Van Gogh
Winston Churchill
Evelyn Waugh
Ernest Hemingway
Tony Hancock

so dont give up hope we may all belong to a club that is potentially on its way to fame maybe we are going through this process to get there first and everything will make some sense.

As you can see today i am focussing on the positives in life i just have to remember there are some when life keeps chucking negative things your way but im getting there.

Hope everyone else is feeling ok i am hoping we will get some sunshine this week to cheer us all up