What would be fair amount for a 21 year old to pay?

Fred.Ed

He's earning a decent wage - sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, he's obviously taking advantage and needs a reality check (as do many in his situation). Whilst it would probably be an emotional wrench for him to move out, threaten to push him, let him do an assessment of basic costs - rent, utilities, etc. (without the extras). You could also monitor his consumptions over the month and try and cost it, that'd be another eye opener for you all! You could build in a 'family member's discount' as proof that you do care.
Don't fall out over it, or let him blackmail you emotionally - stand your ground, you aren't a registered charity. When all is said and done, he'll thank you in the end.
My son finishes school this year and I've all this to look forward to!

cazpost

He is taling the P ! If he earns £31K he can easily afford to give you anything up to £500 pcm. Have you shown him private rents in your area? Ungrateful spoilt child in my opinion

kensington143

My daughter (21) pays 1/3 of her net income, as her income varies quite a bit from one month to the next. My son (31 )struggled with the concept of paying board when he left university, but has now bought his own flat. He does not earn a lot of money, but managed to save enough for a deposit and pays all the bills etc and still manages to have a holiday each year and a decent social life. Not so long ago he put his arm round me and told me he wishes he hadn't moaned about paying board and is grateful to his Dad and me for "sorting him out and helping him to face reality". I will just add how very proud of him we both are as he has Asperger's syndrome and so life has never been easy - but he is a happy well-adjusted adult with the ability to look after himself :>)

scooby088

As I saw it I had 16 years rent free from my parents, so when I started work I gave my mom some board money, it was my time to start making a contribution to the family, it taught me not to sponge and to have financial indepedence.

jojosilver

All our children have lived back at home from time to time doing various jobs locally. The current rate they pay is £300 a month which includes food and basic toiletries. They do their own washing, contribute to chores etc. It's not a hotel! It's a pretty good deal, they couldn't get anything equivalent locally at the same price and certainly not without the food etc.

Your son knows when he's on to a good thing !

jlaudcent

My parents had 4 children and, as soon as we started working or went to College (and living at home), they took 1/3 of our monthly income. However any lunch money spent was refunded. Anything outside of the house, such as bus fares, was at our expense.


This meant that when we eventually moved out and into the world, we were used to strict budgetting and none of us ever got into debt, apart from mortgages!


Personally I was not able to get a mortgage because of my low wage and I had to save up the money myself until I could afford my own home. The good thing was that I never had to pay any mortgage charges!

Person_one

What in earth is going on with the choice of which thread to put in the e-mail?

This is about 2 weeks old, 10 pages long, and every possible point and argument has already been made, why are MSE bumping it?

philcdav

I suppose it depends on what he earns but I would expect no less than £50 per week or 25% of take home pay, whichever is the greatest.

Whether you use it aall or keep a portion aside for his rainy days is an option, its what we did with our kids.

Grumpy_chap

He is on a very good salary, especially for only 21.


Charge him at least £400 per month, which is what rent alone would be if he moved out to a flat share. That is still a bargain as you are meting his bills and food etc.


You will be doing him a favour if he understand the value of money and the true costs of living.


I would say, though, the best favour you could do is to encourage him to move out and buy a place of his own - the sooner the better. You could do this by setting his rent at £400 per month and putting a structure in place so it goes up buy £50 every 6 months. Set it all out for him, so it is clear, and he will be able to plan accordingly. Do not worry about upsetting him - he is big enough to face reality.


If you don't want to take the money from him, do the above anyway, but put some of the money aside so that you can pay it to him back as a lump sum when he does decide to buy a place of his own - he will be grateful then for the financial aid. Just, if this is your plan, do not tell him upfront, make sure he thinks it is money that he is paying and will not see again.


Also, I am not an expert, but based on the salary figures you stated, having him at home with his generous salary compared to yours and your partner's, his income might be stopping you from getting certain benefits. If that is the case, then his living at home is costing you real income.


The above might seem like "tough love" and it is, but I do think it is high time he got out there and supported himself, especially given his high income. Of course, as his mum, maybe you really don't want to see him go, so this is equally tough on you, but I reckon it is what is best for your son in the long term.


Don't fall for any of his bleating about none of his mates having to pay - I doubt his mates are earning anywhere near what he is earning.

Teacher2

Your son should be paying £350-£400 a month. Don't fall out with him but be sympathetic and let him know that you are struggling like everyone else with rising bills and costs. Let him move out - and he will soon see what a bargain he was getting. Children learn from'tough love' and your son needs to realise that he is exploiting you and playing on your goodwill. As I say, don't quarrel with him. You want the relationship to last but he also need a reality check.

Your son is bringing home a large cash sum every month and using it as pocket money instead of paying his way. Your subsidy (free of tax) probably puts him on an effective arte of £40,000 per annum while you are struggling. It's not fair and it's not good for him to be doing this. He need to learn empathy and prudence.

When my daughter had her first job I took £400 a month off her for keep. I was very fortunate to be able to squirrel it away secretly so that when she comes to need a house deposit there is a nest egg surprise for her. However, I realise that not everyone can do this. Indeed, I couldn't afford it myself nowadays!