another relationship dilemma

newcook

to be honest, if I was to receive a letter from my boyfriends ex I would be straight up the police station!
I would think it very creepy that they knew where I lived - especially if my boyfriend had said they were a stalker and couldnt accept they were over ages ago!

OP – rise above it and don’t send the letter – don’t let them waste anymore of your time and get on with enjoying your own life!

BitterAndTwisted

"Female solidarity" is something we feel towards our friends, not some stranger who's been shagging our ex. She's old enough to look after herself

tea_lover

Person_one wrote: »

Why is everybody assuming without question that the new girlfriend will automatically stand by her man that she's known for about 5 minutes rather than thinking for herself and spotting a huge red flag on the horizon?

I'm not assuming one way or the other what the OW might think about a note. I think it's more likely it wouldn't be received well, but there is of course the chance that she could be glad to get it and believe every word. However, the OW's feelings and responses weren't the topic of the thread, the OP was. I honestly believe that the OP will feel better in the long run if she does nothing, walks away with her head held high and leaves them to it.

GobbledyGook

If she's going to have any doubts about him then she'll already have them imo.

Sending her a letter just adds fuel to his stalker theory. If she didn't think he could be a liar after the encounter she witnessed then she won't believe a letter.

tayforth

Person_one wrote: »

We don't actually know that she deserves to be lied to by a bast*@rd, she might be perfectly nice and a bit gullible, or he might have been incredibly convincing.

The OP doesn't seem to have any ill will or vindictiveness towards her, she is decent enough to see her as another victim of this 'man'.

That's true, and a very good point.

I read it that the OW had overheard the OP protesting to her ex that she didn't know the relationship was over. I may have misunderstood.

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

That's true, and a very good point.

I read it that the OW had overheard the OP protesting to her ex that she didn't know the relationship was over. I may have misunderstood.

Its not entirely clear what was said in that conversation, but yes I agree that if everything came out and she heard it all then nothing more is needed. I've moved on a bit to discussing 'whatifs' I'm afraid!

Mrs_Imp

OP, Many years ago I started seeing a bloke. He told me about his 'stalker ex'. When she showed up at his house he told me that she was a bit loopy. She kept saying that it wasn't over between them. Then she showed up at my house and shoved a letter at me basically saying what you want to say. It all just confirmed his story to be honest.
A year later and the tables were turned. He told me he needed 'space' and that we would talk things through. Who knows what he told his new GF every time I called him or showed up for our pre-arranged coffee and chat.
It all twigged after a few weeks, and tempted though I was to write a note I knew it'd make me look as he described. So I walked away with my head held high and hoped that his 'stalking' tales would catch him out.
Don't write the note. His lies will catch him out when she sees that you're not actually stalking him.

wouldthisbeodd

Thanks everyone for your opinions, nearly unanimous in favour of not posting!

I wrote a letter along with my lists of what I did and didn't get out of the relationship and the bad definitely out weigh the good, which is sad as it wasnt a short relationship.

Hindsight is wonderful and lots of pieces of the jigsaw have fallen into place,I can be quite slow on the uptake sometimes. He rang me the same night and wanted to call round to talk,I told him to get lost and I've deleted his contact details so I won't be tempted to contact him during moments of weakness. Thankfully we have no shared accounts or possessions and my children aren't his so I can just move on.

I won't post the letter, I'll keep the dignified silence and moral high ground. I'm actually quite proud of how calm and dignified I was when I 'caught him' in my younger days I'd have been ranting and raving and probably letting them both think what a lucky escape he'd had!!

I'm so glad I asked views before posting it,I've not slept well and clearly not thinking rationally. I'm a great believer in treating others how you would like to be treated and karma will have the last say I'm sure.

Cottage_Economy

Good for you!

I'm astounded that he rang and wanted to come round and talk.

Is he such a catch he thought he could airily explain away his character assassination of you to that woman, perhaps even charm his way back into your knickers while your children were asleep upstairs?

What a revolting little creep.

bagpussbear

Well done OP.

I was about to post here, saying I agree with others not to post any letter, then read your update.

If I were to put my cynical hat on, I bet the girl sussed him very very quickly and dumped him and thus why he was sniffing back around you.

You are well rid.

Concentrate now on getting over him, and do some nice things to cheer yourself up.