another relationship dilemma

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

I agree with marisco and the others. Much as it no doubt hurts to be cheated on and then painted as a 'stalker', it's better to rise above it, be dignified and say absolutely nothing. Be like the Queen - never complain, never explain. In a year's time, when you look back, you'll be glad that you did.

Don't waste time thinking about the pair of them. They deserve each other and you deserve better.

(((Hugs))).

We don't actually know that she deserves to be lied to by a bast*@rd, she might be perfectly nice and a bit gullible, or he might have been incredibly convincing.

The OP doesn't seem to have any ill will or vindictiveness towards her, she is decent enough to see her as another victim of this 'man'.

BitterAndTwisted

Another woman's happiness and security is not your responsibility. Only yours is. Trying to stir things up between peope won't make you feel better no matter what vengeful scenarios are playing in your head. Keep a dignified silence and try to move on. He's a lying a-hole and will be found out before too long and none of it will be your fault, only his.

Person_one

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Another woman's happiness and security is not your responsibility. Only yours is. Trying to stir things up between peope won't make you feel better no matter what vengeful scenarios are playing in your head. Keep a dignified silence and try to move on. He's a lying a-hole and will be found out before too long and none of it will be your fault, only his.

Vengeful? The OP doesn't sound remotely vengeful or stirring to me...

BitterAndTwisted

Putting a note through her door, stating her case is both vengeful and potentially stirring. If it was just a matter of putting the truth out there, there's no reason why this other woman would care. Few of us feel any real altruism towards people we don't know and have potentially done us harm. However neutrally she forms this letter, it's going to be seen in a negative light and no good can come from it.

DigForVictory

Whether the other woman is an innocent in this is a bag of worms. Interesting, but not important.

The OP however has had her heart & hopes trampled on & is still trying to do the right thing. An assortment of notes sounds extremely promising in that regard. By all means pen that Howler - the trick is not to send it. Then when the pain & fury & how could he & how could she has calmed down a little (if only out of fatigue), the OP can then eye the notes ruefully & compost them/burn them/ do something permanent with them.

Reassure us all that it is your heart damaged & not your credit rating? That there is no shared property, possessions, pets, children that need sorting?
If he's a fraction of the rat we take him for, he'll have been careful not to get entangled in anything that takes a court to clarify.

He's billed you as a stalker not a thief, so a spot of light decluttering & donation & destruction seems entirely in order.

Chuck him out of your life, "keep your chin, heels & standards high" & only mourn the time lost.

Person_one

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Putting a note through her door, stating her case is both vengeful and potentially stirring. If it was just a matter of putting the truth out there, there's no reason why this other woman would care. Few of us feel any real altruism towards people we don't know and have potentially done us harm. However neutrally she forms this letter, it's going to be seen in a negative light and no good can come from it.

I find it very sad that you can't understand why the OP might want to give the other woman a heads up without having negative motives. Do you not know any genuinely good people?

tea_lover

Person_one wrote: »

I find it very sad that you can't understand why the OP might want to give the other woman a heads up without having negative motives. Do you not know any genuinely good people?

However 'pure' (for want of a better word) the OP's motives, they are highly unlikely to come across to the OW that way. Any communciation from your partner's ex (when you know it's ended badly) is likely to be viewed with extreme mistrust, at the very least.

BitterAndTwisted

Yes, I do. And am conceited enough to think that I'm one of them.

But in this particular circumstance it's really not going to be possible to be perceived as "being a good person" by this other woman while looking like a vengeful harpy.

"Dignified silence" is what I'm recommending

Person_one

tea_lover wrote: »

However 'pure' (for want of a better word) the OP's motives, they are highly unlikely to come across to the OW that way. Any communciation from your partner's ex (when you know it's ended badly) is likely to be viewed with extreme mistrust, at the very least.

Very possibly, and I said in my first reply that hearing the conversation between the cars should have been enough and no note is needed.

However, what happened to female solidarity? Why is everybody assuming without question that the new girlfriend will automatically stand by her man that she's known for about 5 minutes rather than thinking for herself and spotting a huge red flag on the horizon? Have you never met somebody you liked and then quickly dropped them when you saw their true colours? Happens all the time.

Person_one

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Yes, I do. And am conceited enough to think that I'm one of them.

But in this particular circumstance it's really not going to be possible to be perceived as "being a good person" by this other woman while looking like a vengeful harpy.

"Dignified silence" is what I'm recommending

I don't think convincing the new girlfriend she's a good person is what the OP wants, why would that matter?