another relationship dilemma

19lottie82

Right, I know I'm going to get slated for this. But personally, I would send the note. I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, or advising you to do it, but if it was me, I'd send it.

Why should she think that you are a stalker and he is totally innocent?

I'd just keep it brief and say that you were in a relationship, he was a cheat and you most were definitely not a "stalker". I'd say that you have no interest in getting back together with him, she is welcome to him, but if she would like anything clearing up, please feel free to get in touch.

As I said, I am not advising that you do this, but it's what I would do.

tea_lover

19lottie82 wrote: »

Why should she think that you are a stalker and he is totally innocent?

She shouldn't, and it's a really unfair position to put the OP in. But sending a note, or contacting her in any way plays straight into his hands. He says she's a mad stalker, she turns up at the OW's house claiming otherwise. Just backs up his story.

thorsoak

19lottie82 wrote: »

Right, I know I'm going to get slated for this. But personally, I would send the note. I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, or advising you to do it, but if it was me, I'd send it.

Why should she think that you are a stalker and he is totally innocent?

I'd just keep it brief and say that you were in a relationship, he was a cheat and you most were definitely not a "stalker". I'd say that you have no interest in getting back together with him, she is welcome to him, but if she would like anything clearing up, please feel free to get in touch.

As I said, I am not advising that you do this, but it's what I would do.

What will the offending ex-b/f do when the new woman in his life shows him this letter ? Say "I told you she was a stalker/nutter - this just proves it". And if the new woman in his life is besotted, she will accept that as fact!

Person_one

thorsoak wrote: »

What will the offending ex-b/f do when the new woman in his life shows him this letter ? Say "I told you she was a stalker/nutter - this just proves it". And if the new woman in his life is besotted, she will accept that as fact!

Not necessarily, she might just have a mind of her own, lots of women do.

19lottie82

Person_one wrote: »

Not necessarily, she might just have a mind of her own, lots of women do.

Exactly. It might just flower the already existing seed of doubt she already has.

Not all women believe something, with evidence suggesting otherwise, just because a man tells them, you know.

And even if he does say "see, I told you she was a stalker". So what? I wouldn't care, at least I would have told her the truth. If she believes it or not, is up to her.

hazyjo

19lottie82 wrote: »

Right, I know I'm going to get slated for this. But personally, I would send the note. I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, or advising you to do it, but if it was me, I'd send it.

Why should she think that you are a stalker and he is totally innocent?

I'd just keep it brief and say that you were in a relationship, he was a cheat and you most were definitely not a "stalker". I'd say that you have no interest in getting back together with him, she is welcome to him, but if she would like anything clearing up, please feel free to get in touch.

As I said, I am not advising that you do this, but it's what I would do.

Doubt anyone will slate you as it's your view - and tbh one that we would all WANT to do. But it's rarely a good idea.

I find it's human nature to try to explain yourself, to make other people realise you're not a nasty horrible person, or to make someone believe that what you're saying is the truth - but it's pointless. It basically serves no purpose having a stranger believe you. Especially one which is currently shagging your boyfriend. If it was totally out of the blue and she'd not already said all this in front of her, maybe we'd have a different view. But she's already said it all in front of the girl. No point in trying to bang the point home.

Jx

Errata

Leave it be. Don't let the waste of space BF and his latest shag take up space in your head they're not paying rent on.

marisco_2

19lottie82 wrote: »

Why should she think that you are a stalker and he is totally innocent?

Does it really matter what this woman thinks of the situation? The OP is in possession of the facts and is well rid of her ex by the sounds of it. Something this new lady will no doubt discover for herself in time. When you break up with someone walk away with your head held high, and respect for yourself over how you handled the situation. To make contact in anyway will play right into your ex's hands OP and only give credence to his tale of you stalking him.

tayforth

I agree with marisco and the others. Much as it no doubt hurts to be cheated on and then painted as a 'stalker', it's better to rise above it, be dignified and say absolutely nothing. Be like the Queen - never complain, never explain. In a year's time, when you look back, you'll be glad that you did.

Don't waste time thinking about the pair of them. They deserve each other and you deserve better.

(((Hugs))).

duchy

thorsoak wrote: »

What will the offending ex-b/f do when the new woman in his life shows him this letter ? Say "I told you she was a stalker/nutter - this just proves it". And if the new woman in his life is besotted, she will accept that as fact!

I'm afraid this is the truth.
I once confronted my boyfriend of nearly two year's "ex" and not only was she oblivious but also said to me "other people have said things like this before -it's just lies and jealousy". Turned out he'd have several long term relationships yet she believed (or at least told herself she believed) that he really spend every weekend and some nights in the week at his Mum's or his mate;s. He was in his forties for goodness sake !!

Tay- Be grateul you had this chance encounter and learned the truth before you went in too deep. Keep your dignity and walk away. You owe this woman nothing and as said it'll only get you the "stalker/nutter" tag.

Onwards and upwards Sweetie xx