Can He Throw Me Out.

pebbles88

frilly_knickers wrote: »

Not sure what you mean, but I don't really think you want a blow by blow account of what we did. That sounds a bit pervish!

Giving what's happening, it's seems weird to pick up on this.

And nothing in that post even referred to wanting to know what happened!!! You're the one that then mentioned it! Weird!

marisco_2

frilly_knickers wrote: »

I agree that I did wrong, and have tried to make amends, but now he won't even talk to me, he won't eat anything I cook, does his own washing, and has moved ME into the spare room.

The fact that you have been married for so long does give you significant rights, as the property is an asset of your marriage. You weren't able to get on the property ladder by yourself, but as a married couple you have and it appears that you have invested money into the house too, by contributing to the mortgage and bills. I am therefore very surprised that a solicitor has written to you and given you 28 days notice of leaving. I would strongly suggest that you instruct a solicitor of your own and take legal advice over this delicate situation.

That your husband has chosen to take this drastic action, and is behaving as quoted above suggests to me that he is really struggling emotionally at the moment, and needs complete space away from you to try and work through his feelings. He is now discovering just how horrendous it feels, to find out that the person he trusted implicitly has gone behind his back, and messed around with someone else. He will most likely be in a state of shock, suffering mental torture from images playing round his mind the whole time, of what he thinks you got up to with another man. There is probably little to no room in his mind at this point for logical thought or to be reasoned with. To be honest for you to expect there to be is unrealistic and a tad naïve.

Being under the same roof as each other at this moment in time must be incredibly difficult. The strain it could put on your relationship might lead to irreparable damage, if that hasn't been done already. Don't make any rash decisions is my advice and I wish you all the best in trying to sort this all out.

tinkerbell28

marisco wrote: »

The fact that you have been married for so long does give you significant rights, as the property is an asset of your marriage. You weren't able to get on the property ladder by yourself, but as a married couple you have and it appears that you have invested money into the house too, by contributing to the mortgage and bills. I am therefore very surprised that a solicitor has written to you and given you 28 days notice of leaving. I would strongly suggest that you instruct a solicitor of your own and take legal advice over this delicate situation.

.

I'm not. The solicitor will be working in their clients best interests.

So it's in his interests to put the scare tactics on her and get her to leave. As it makes it a lot harder to get her full rights with regards to the house, if she ups and leaves the marital home through choice.

By surprising her with a 28 day notice, that can't be enforced and op really should ignore. I'd bet they're just hoping she ups and leaves through fear or not knowing her rights.

A good solicitor will always advise against leaving the marital home, unless there is violence, in which case they can get emergency court orders to get the violent spouse out.

frilly_knickers

whitewing wrote: »

In my book, you relieving him is exactly as bad as sleeping with him.

Sorry, but your opinion of what happened, is not really relevant. It doesn't help me, and clearly everyone opinions are different. Horses for courses as they say.

frilly_knickers

pebbles88 wrote: »

Giving what's happening, it's seems weird to pick up on this.

And nothing in that post even referred to wanting to know what happened!!! You're the one that then mentioned it! Weird!

I think you will find that someone said that I was not giving the full story of what happened.

frilly_knickers

marisco wrote: »

The fact that you have been married for so long does give you significant rights, as the property is an asset of your marriage. You weren't able to get on the property ladder by yourself, but as a married couple you have and it appears that you have invested money into the house too, by contributing to the mortgage and bills. I am therefore very surprised that a solicitor has written to you and given you 28 days notice of leaving. I would strongly suggest that you instruct a solicitor of your own and take legal advice over this delicate situation.

That your husband has chosen to take this drastic action, and is behaving as quoted above suggests to me that he is really struggling emotionally at the moment, and needs complete space away from you to try and work through his feelings. He is now discovering just how horrendous it feels, to find out that the person he trusted implicitly has gone behind his back, and messed around with someone else. He will most likely be in a state of shock, suffering mental torture from images playing round his mind the whole time, of what he thinks you got up to with another man. There is probably little to no room in his mind at this point for logical thought or to be reasoned with. To be honest for you to expect there to be is unrealistic and a tad naïve.

Being under the same roof as each other at this moment in time must be incredibly difficult. The strain it could put on your relationship might lead to irreparable damage, if that hasn't been done already. Don't make any rash decisions is my advice and I wish you all the best in trying to sort this all out.

Thank you very much, I am sure that you are right. The sad thing is I know how he feels, I almost had a nervous breakdown when he did it. (It was for 6 months by the way, she was almost 3 months pregnant when she had the termination).
I am not making light of any of it, but mine was ONCE, and I didn't do anything like what he did. If she hadn't got pregnant then I doubt I would even have found out.
I do think that he is troubled deeply about the whole thing, and my lapse has bought the whole thing back.
I can't really speculate though, but I am hoping that when I tell the solicitor about his past indiscretions it will help with my case. I have been getting pieces of information together today to take with me. I think this is going to get messy, I hope not, but he is making things so difficult to deal with. I have no where else to go, my children don't have room for me on a long term basis, and I wouldn't expect them to.

thorsoak

frilly_knickers wrote: »

Thank you very much, I am sure that you are right. The sad thing is I know how he feels, I almost had a nervous breakdown when he did it. (It was for 6 months by the way, she was almost 3 months pregnant when she had the termination).
I am not making light of any of it, but mine was ONCE, and I didn't do anything like what he did. If she hadn't got pregnant then I doubt I would even have found out.
I do think that he is troubled deeply about the whole thing, and my lapse has bought the whole thing back.
I can't really speculate though, but I am hoping that when I tell the solicitor about his past indiscretions it will help with my case. I have been getting pieces of information together today to take with me. I think this is going to get messy, I hope not, but he is making things so difficult to deal with. I have no where else to go, my children don't have room for me on a long term basis, and I wouldn't expect them to.

It makes no difference how many times he has committed adultery/whether or not you have penetrative s*x - these days it is sufficient to say that the marriage has irretrievably broken down - there aren't points awarded/deducted in the divorce courts.

You didn't answer my questions, and the answers to those questions would help us to give you advice - so, once again I ask you:-

1. Have you worked during the marriage?

2. If not, has your husband supported you throughout the marriage?

3. If you did work, did you contribute to family expenses?

mountainofdebt

frilly_knickers wrote: »

. I had a little too much to drink, and ended up kissing the guy in the bathroom, we had a fumble and I relieved him. That is all that happened, not even pleasurable for me really.

Sorry but that's like a certain US President saying ' I did not have s3x with that woman'.



As its the husband's house what would be the position if he decided to change the locks when the OP was out?

Nicki

frilly_knickers wrote: »

Thank you very much, I am sure that you are right. The sad thing is I know how he feels, I almost had a nervous breakdown when he did it. (It was for 6 months by the way, she was almost 3 months pregnant when she had the termination).
I am not making light of any of it, but mine was ONCE, and I didn't do anything like what he did. If she hadn't got pregnant then I doubt I would even have found out.
I do think that he is troubled deeply about the whole thing, and my lapse has bought the whole thing back.
I can't really speculate though, but I am hoping that when I tell the solicitor about his past indiscretions it will help with my case. I have been getting pieces of information together today to take with me. I think this is going to get messy, I hope not, but he is making things so difficult to deal with. I have no where else to go, my children don't have room for me on a long term basis, and I wouldn't expect them to.

Don't waste your time and your 30 minutes free advice.

The only relevance your husband's adultery has is that if the last incident was within 6 months you could petition him for divorce rather than him petitioning you.

Once the divorce is under way and it comes to divvying up assets however it doesn't matter how badly either of you have behaved sexually or otherwise. The court just isn't interested in that when looking at financial matters - they don't try to punish or reward either party, just to divide assets up fairly according to set financial criteria and formulae.

Really really bad behaviour (but not infidelity) might have an impact sometimes when looking at contact or residence where young children are involved but as all the children here are grown up the court isn't going to care in the slightest who "relieved" whom, where and for how long.

Poppops

OP, I for one think you have been treated quite harshly on this thread.

You say you were devastated by his affair and I suspect that while you might think you are over it, if you loved him, your self confidence will have taken a blow. I suspect some attention made you feel better about yourself.

It was a stupid thing to do, but in no way was it worse or even as bad as him having a six month affair which ended in pregnancy and your devastation.

I would look at this as a kick up the backside. He obviously has double standards.

You forgave him much more. I would leave him to his self-pity if I were you