Can He Throw Me Out.

kboss2010

In the general sense, not specifically aimed at the OP, but I don't get this whole phenomenon of "oh I only did x/y/z, that's not infidelity, right?" - it's bonkers!

If you have to ask, assume it's cheating. If your partner would be upset if you told them about it, it's cheating. If *you* would be upset by your partner doing it with someone else! it's cheating.

There are not "levels" of cheating, there's just cheating and not.

whitewing

The Op's post said HELP PLEASE!

And I was pointing out that her later comment about 'relieving' the bloke turned it from a drunken snog (as I'd imagined it to be) to a more serious offence.

This means that I revise my earlier opinion to state that she definitely needs to seek legal advice as this isn't something that is so forgiveable in my opinion.

Person_one

frilly_knickers wrote: »

He had an affair with a girl in his office 3 years ago, it lasted for around 6 months.

frilly_knickers wrote: »

My husbands affair, as I said went on for three months,

Actually, you said 6 months.

Alchemilla

Do what tinkerbell said.

tinkerbell28

whitewing wrote: »

The Op's post said HELP PLEASE!

And I was pointing out that her later comment about 'relieving' the bloke turned it from a drunken snog (as I'd imagined it to be) to a more serious offence.

This means that I revise my earlier opinion to state that she definitely needs to seek legal advice as this isn't something that is so forgiveable in my opinion.

It makes no odds at all.

She is married, it's the marital home. He can't kick her out and she will retain more power/right if she stays.

She needs legal advice anyway. To even out the playing field. His solicitor is scaring her into leaving, so it makes things like a continuation order harder.

thorsoak

1. Have you worked during the marriage?

2. If not, has your husband supported you throughout the marriage?

3. If you did work, did you contribute to family expenses?

Spendless

Person_one wrote: »

Actually, you said 6 months.

Well spotted. I note it's Feb 1/2 term in lots of areas next week. Some schools must have had inset days yesterday. Just saying.:think:

Pollycat

frilly_knickers wrote: »

Thank you for your replies, those that were helpful anyway. I really don't need people to remind me what I did was wrong. I don't think anyone of you has the right to do that.

However, I should say, that the night of the party, my husband and I had had a bad argument, which surprisingly enough were rare. I had a little too much to drink, and ended up kissing the guy in the bathroom, we had a fumble and I relieved him. That is all that happened, not even pleasurable for me really.

My husbands affair, as I said went on for three months, it only ended because she got pregnant and had to have a termination, which he paid for. Thats how it all came out.

I think this is a case of double standards, and apart from being concerned I am now angry after reading some of the replies.

We had got over the affair, it was difficult but everything was going okay. Having seen the advice of getting legal advice I have decided that next week I am going to make an appointment with a solicitor, I realised earlier that we have a joint credit card that we don't use, so I will use that to pay for any advice. A bit unkind on him but it's the only way I can pay.

I will however, over the weekend try and see if I can talk to him, although I don't seem to be getting anywhere. My children, both married, are furious, initially with me, but now won't speak to him, so all is not well here.

(Before anyone asks, they are my children, he has a son who does not know about things yet)

I'm glad you're getting legal advice - I've read the replies on this thread and was getting dizzy from all the opposite opinions about where you stand. :cool:

I don't think it's necessarily a case of double standards.
People view infidelity differently.
You chose to (I assume anyway) to forgive him a full-blown affair that resulted in a pregnancy (later terminated at his expense).

He seems not to want to forgive you for what you've done.
Just because you forgave him doesn't mean that he should (or will) forgive you.

Maybe you've just quite possibly given him a perfect opportunity to get rid of you.

Vikipollard

Glad to hear you are getting legal advice.


+1 to Tinkerbell - who is right in what they say. You do retain much more control staying in the house.


Personal opinion (not that you asked for it) - it is double standards. I suspect he thought the marriage would end at the point his affair (and the termination) came to light, but you chose to stick with it. Now he can attempt to take the moral high ground.


Whilst it looks like there is no saving the relationship, that doesn't give him carte blanche. I'd have to ask myself whether there was anything about this person I felt was worth even bothering with, given his actions.


Stay strong and as far as is humanly possible be objective.

thebillet

As seems likely you get a free half hour with a solicitor try and get all your personal information down in writing and take a two copies to the meeting. It saves the solicitor spending time writing when you could get the benefit of advice through discussion.
List your name his, DOBs, dates and location of marriage, situation re kids, address, contact details and pertitnent stuff like you mentioned about house ownership and mortgage holder etc. Good luck getting the outcome you hope for, my only other advice, having gone through a messy break up is, whatever happens keep your dignity, it helps you sleep at night.