What to do about my brother not staying in touch...

thorsoak

Bennifred wrote: »

_pale__pale_ whaaaa! (mother of three boys, no girls)

Don't worry ......I've got three boys and one girl - and the boys are as attentive as their sister!!

Bennifred

Person_one wrote: »

Its not true, don't worry.

My brother sees my parents far more regularly than I do, just as one example!

Thanks :A - *sniff* - *smiles bravely*

Bennifred

thorsoak wrote: »

Don't worry ......I've got three boys and one girl - and the boys are as attentive as their sister!!

Thank you!
Mind you, I'm not sure why I'm worried, the way things are going they're never going to move out......:eek:

lady1964

I have a similar issue with my brother, I've posted about the issues before on here.

I've finally accepted he's an adult & he's chosen to have very little contact over the past 2/3 years, although we did meet at a family wedding last summer but we didn't even have a conversation, which is very sad but that's life sometimes.

Basically he has his life & I have mine & they don't really tally other than we are related.

There's some good advice on this thread so I don't need to add any more.

anrutpea

Ich. My parents visit my brother 1 or 2 times a year and i go down once a year. It's a long way though - a 6 hour drive so not really practical to just pop down fora weekend. To spend quality time you need 5 days ish...

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Person_one wrote: »

Honestly Jojo, you're an intelligent woman but you don't half 'project' sometimes!

I'm not projecting - I'm giving an example I have known of that illustrates my point that OP's brother might have a completely different opinion of the close family thing.

I know it's an extreme example, but that's what they were like.

Plenty of families have members who just aren't as happy, aren't as comfortable as, or aren't as interested in the others as the rest. Sometimes they have good reasons, sometimes they don't. Either way, their interpretation of events is their own and no amount of taking to task will help that.

I even made a point of saying that I don't think the OP is like the woman I knew; fortunately, very few are. And the male concerned was a complete knob in other ways :-) Both believed their interpretation of events was the correct one though.

Hermia

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I'm not projecting - I'm giving an example I have known of that illustrates my point that OP's brother might have a completely different opinion of the close family thing.

I know it's an extreme example, but that's what they were like.

Plenty of families have members who just aren't as happy, aren't as comfortable as, or aren't as interested in the others as the rest. Sometimes they have good reasons, sometimes they don't. Either way, their interpretation of events is their own and no amount of taking to task will help that.

I even made a point of saying that I don't think the OP is like the woman I knew; fortunately, very few are. And the male concerned was a complete knob in other ways :-) Both believed their interpretation of events was the correct one though.

I do agree with you. I know a few families where one kid just wasn't that happy & couldn't wait to leave home. They weren't mistreated or anything like that. Sometimes it's just a personality clash. Unfortunately, they tend to be viewed as the bad guy. I have one friend who doesn't see much of his family. He finds his family too close and suffocating and they want to know every single detail about his life. He has a nomadic loner kind of personality and he just can't cope with them.

peachyprice

anrutpea wrote: »

Swingaloo i appreciate your comments but i think it is rude to ignore your family then turn up for a free holifay for him and his parner courtesy of bank of mum anddad. Return home from the holiday to ignore us all, then gladly grab £10k off our parents to buy their house (which my parents have yet to be invited to visit), not come up for Christmas, ignore us all again then accept another free holiday courtesy of bank of mum and dad to USA.

Do you not see why i would be p'd off and offended. It's very mercenary behaviour don't you think?

Surely if your parents were pee'd off and offended (it's their money after all, not yours) they would have stopped giving after the first holiday. You sound very bitter that your parents are allowing this relationship to continue and jealous that he's receiving their money.

anrutpea

Like i said we all get the same so it's not jealousy over money it's the fact that i show gratitude to my parents. They won't accept money from me so to show my gratitude for taking me on holiday i invite my parents for a meal, or bake them cakes etc, buy a plant etc. My brother can't even send a message to show appreciation.

I don't smother my folks we can go a fortnight with no contact then we will call for a catch up or pop round for a meal.

thorsoak

anrutpea wrote: »

Like i said we all get the same so it's not jealousy over money it's the fact that i show gratitude to my parents. They won't accept money from me so to show my gratitude for taking me on holiday i invite my parents for a meal, or bake them cakes etc, buy a plant etc. My brother can't even send a message to show appreciation.

I don't smother my folks we can go a fortnight with no contact then we will call for a catch up or pop round for a meal.

You just have to accept that you and your brother do not have a close relationship - you might have enjoyed one as children, but as adults you have grown apart - and let that be an end to it. No point in agonising over what he thinks/feels - concentrate on the relationship between yourself, your fiancee and your parents - and be happy.