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Another Step Family query....
Comments
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They would already have 20% taken off of his wages before it is calculated for the other 2 children so yo have no reason to be sending any money back. Your daughter is worried her ftaher isnt going to support her as she gets older and just his other 2 children so keep all the money and put it away for her. If they argue about it tell them you didnt have to be giving any back for all those years, your daugther is concerned ishe wont be able to save for a car, uni etc and dont let them change your mind!£2 Savers club £0/£150
1p a day £/0 -
She's been remarkably tolerant! Does her SM think your daughter's name is Cinderella?
This is what I don't understand, it is really only since she came back from the last holiday that this has all come out. She says she thought it was normal, but the last holiday made her realise it isn't, and now she's started saying more and more about things that has gone on.
To be fair, when we talk she does laugh about it at how strange it all was, and just seems to shake it off in a 'well I won't go over as much' kind of way. It's me who is trying to make it all happy families.
It doesn't help she's started looking at uni etc and has openly said well Dad won't help me, and then when talking about a house and her future etc (in a general way - she's not about to leave home at 15 :rotfl:) she came out and said 'well it's not like Dad will help in anyway, even laying a carpet like he will with sister/brother).
She then asked if I thought her Dad would ever visit her - she always has gone to his, when she is older and I said that I would hope so.
I feel so sad for her that at 15 she has to feel what she is about her own Dad.Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0 -
Do you really want her to go back to that situation? How can you be sure that he would think I'm a prat and treat her the same? What if he's not allowed to treat her the same because the step mum wears that trousers?
Whilst it is "right and proper" that she does have a relationship with him, are you really that bothered if she doesn't?
What does she want?0 -
It doesn't help she's started looking at uni etc and has opening said well Dad won't help me, and then when talking about a house and her future etc (in a general way - she's not about to leave home at 15 :rotfl:) she came out and said 'well it's not like Dad will help in anyway, even laying a carpet like he will with sister/brother).
She then asked if I thought her Dad would ever visit her - she always has gone to his, when she is older and I said that I would hope so.
I feel so sad for her that at 15 she has to feel what she is about her own Dad.
She sounds very level-headed. It's a shame her father seems to have forgotten that he has three children - not two and a second-class addition.0 -
Looking at your last post, you're the one who is pushing for the happy family - that can only happen if everyone wants it and judging by what you have written so far about everyone, there is no-one directly related who does.
You're going to have to accept that they don't see things like you - the step mum has her own family to think about, the ex is split but because he spends all of this time with that family, they come first and because your dd lives 90 mins away so is out of sight, out of mind.......as hard as it sounds, you are pushing people to do something that they may not actually want0 -
Do you really want her to go back to that situation? How can you be sure that he would think I'm a prat and treat her the same? What if he's not allowed to treat her the same because the step mum wears that trousers?
Not to the situation she has, no, the situation that makes her really upset and dreads going - to the point she rarely goes now and only goes when she feels she will HAVE to as she hasn't been a while. I can't be sure of what he would think - I hoped maybe someone on here had been in the step dads situation and could say it can change.
Whilst it is "right and proper" that she does have a relationship with him, are you really that bothered if she doesn't?
For some reason I am, we split up but I really did and do believe that shouldn't have caused her to feel she doesn't want to see him. I can't stand the bloke, but she doesn't know this - I have NEVER said anything negative against him) we communicate politely via email about her and nothing else. Just because I don't like him doesn't mean I would rather she didn't see him. I'd rather they got on and all was ok - but I think it's too late for that. I just want to fix it for her.
What does she want?
She is happy here with me and her friends, she finds it s 'chore' to visit and feels she is looked on as not a member of the family. She says she doesn't mind going once every 6 weeks or so, (she was there this weekend but is going in 3 weeks time again as it's her brother birthday and so wants to go for that - but is just going for the day) but she doesn't look forward to it and see's it as something she 'has' to do.Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0 -
Looking at your last post, you're the one who is pushing for the happy family - that can only happen if everyone wants it and judging by what you have written so far about everyone, there is no-one directly related who does.
You're going to have to accept that they don't see things like you - the step mum has her own family to think about, the ex is split but because he spends all of this time with that family, they come first and because your dd lives 90 mins away so is out of sight, out of mind.......as hard as it sounds, you are pushing people to do something that they may not actually want
Totally agree, I think I am finding it hard with DD growing up and now being able to make her own decisions and not seeing her dad is a huge one. I should respect that though.Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0 -
Totally agree, I think I am finding it hard with DD growing up and now being able to make her own decisions and not seeing her dad is a huge one. I should respect that though.
It is very hard - perhaps you can see what she's missed out on by not having a good Dad but if she hasn't had that relationship and doesn't miss it, you have to let her find her own way.0 -
I can see that by forcing her to go and see her dad isn't going to work (and how many of us relish going to see people who have no time for us???) I think she needs to think about her relationship with the extended step family.
If the www's parents consider her to be a grand-daughter (and it certainly sounds as if they stick up for her against the www & dad) then what about if she makes a point of going to see them and not necessarily the immediate family?
Sounds as if they would lose out more than the www & dad if your daughter stopped going completly2014 Target;
To overpay CC by £1,000.
Overpayment to date : £310
2nd Purse Challenge:
£15.88 saved to date0
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