Husband Wants To Leave Us

yorkshirepudding_4

thank you all so much for your responses. I'm definitely not going to beg and plead anymore. I'm going to join a gym. What should I say to my daughter? She has the understanding and vocabulary of a four year old by the way, so that may make a difference to what I say to her. I was thinking of being really honest with her and just saying something like "daddy doesn't want to live here anymore because he doesn't love mummy anymore, but he still loves you very much and he will still come to see you." What do you think?

spamalot

I can only agree with what the others have said. You need to focus on your life at the moment and what you want. Don't be a doormat, he will not respect you and more importantly you will not respect yourself.

I can't afford to keep the house but he has signed a letter to me saying that he will keep the finances as they are and he will find any extra income he needs through his business. We got it witnessed, will it be legally binding?

I very much doubt whether this will be legally binding and the suspicious part of me suspects he may know this. With the use of a solicitor he can get out of this if he wants to as he could claim he had no prior legal advice before signing the document. I had a separation agreement drawn up with my ex and my solicitor advised me that it was not legally binding, only showed intent. Until you have a consent order sanction by the courts you cannot hold him to this. Even then things like child maintanance and spousal maintanance can be altered through legal means. I would suggest you get some legal advice on your situation as soon as possible so you know where you stand. The Citizens Advice Bureau can help you out.

Reading between the lines is it possible that there is someone else on the scene? sounds like he is weighing up the options to me. He says he wants to live alone, then he says he will stay if you do X, Y or Z and basically turn you into a housekeeper! I've seen this before when someone is weighing up whether they jump into a new relationship or get more leverage out of their current one. The stipulation that he wants to go out when he wants no questions asked rang alarm bells with me.

mojo_jojo

Speaking as a father myself, I would say kick him out. He obviously is too much of a coward to be a responsible father and husband and can't hack it as a real man. You may be hurting, but he's not worth the effort or time. Tell him to grow up or leave straight away. Failing that, pack some of his clothes in a luggage case, leave it outside and change the locks on the doors!

belfastgirl23

Just to say I don't think he is actually giving you an option here. He is bound to know that what he is asking from you is not appropriate within a relationship and he is doing this in order to force you to choose a seperation. Sorry if this sounds harsh but in my experience he will somehow want it to be your choice (thus removing responsibility from him). I think it's easier to realise that there is no choice here. I do think you need to start talking to him about arrangements for your daughter since no one with a 2 year old child will be able to live full time like a bachelor - he presumably will have her for weekends etc (I know this is probably awful for you to think about right now but maybe he needs to see that the life he is thinking of isn't possible for anyone, never mind a father). I have a feeling that bachelor life might be a big shock for him.

You are right that it is really really scary but I think you're living the worst bit now, however much you fear something it's not as bad as you think when it happens. I think you should tell him to go NOW before you lose your nerve, as you say show you can be strong. You might be surprised too with friends etc, often people are there when you need them even if you haven't seen so much of them lately.

Lots of luck to you and your daughter!! I can tell from your post that you're a lot stronger than you think.

zebidee1

If it were me, I wouldn't say that Daddy doesn't love Mummy anymore. For a young child, I think it would be upsetting that a person she loved wasn't being loved by her Daddy too. (If that makes sense?)

I think it would be better to use less emotive words, imo.

Katie~baby

I would pack his bloody bags for him and kick his !!!! out! How dare he state those conditions to you! What does he think you are, the home help? You dont need to be treated like that. Things will get better in time and any money you are the one that finds happnienss before him! The grass aint always greener on the other side!

You should explain to your daughter that daddy is moving out but that he still loves her and will see her still. She will be happy as long as her mummy is happy!

Hugs!!

Vez

Talk about Cake & eat it!

He's decided the family life isnt for him so he's off, ta taa. ! As another poster said, men dont like breaking off relationships so they make sure you are the one making the decision by making the situation untenable.
It hurts like hell at at the moment but hes a looser, despatch him to pastures new via a boot up the backside. When I split with what I thought was the love of my life, it hurt, alot, little did I know it kicked off the best years of my life. I went to uni part time, joined a re-enactment group and made loads of friends along they way. You can do this, and you and your daughter will be better for it, without him hanging the threat of leaving over your heads all the time.

EmmaLi

Forgot to say - go and see a solicitor pronto! Find out your options and take nothing he says as gospel truth.

You'll be a fantastic mum on you own as well.

MrsTinks

Solicitor solicitor solicitor - THEN kick his back end out the door!

If he later wishes to return it will be on YOUR terms not his. He's choosing to run away instead of trying to find an adult solution like relationship councilling or (shock horror) actually talking about it - so he is in my eyes writing off ANY right to call any other shots in this matter. He has a daughter so he will have to pay for that, but I would get everything legalised before you do anything else. Cover your butt as much as posisble financially.

*Louise*

yorkshirepudding wrote: »

I was thinking of being really honest with her and just saying something like "daddy doesn't want to live here anymore because he doesn't love mummy anymore, but he still loves you very much and he will still come to see you." What do you think?

There's honest...then there's brutally honest....

Tbh...I woudn't say anything about the feelings that run between the two of you - all she needs to know is that 'mummy and daddy won't be living together any more but we BOTH still love you lots and lots.....' anything more would just confuse her.

A child needs to feel safe and protected, and this includes being shielded from any emotions that are too complicated for her to handle.