Husband Wants To Leave Us

Gorgeous_George

I get the impression that it is because of him that you need the anti-depressants. A new life, a new man (or woman) may be the new start that you need.

Remember, you cannot eat an elephant all in one go so, small steps are the order of the day. When you are ready, ask your GP to refer you for councilling - it really helps.

Make sure he doesn't know your MSE identity.

Find something that makes you smile. When you feel down, focus on this.

Don't let him make you feel guilty.

Smile every day.

There's loads of support on here.



GG

mae

I really feel for you as you are forced on a journey that you didn't intend and thats hard because you've not really had any say in it, however that doesn't mean that the journey won't have good parts and that it won't have a good outcome. You still have some control of your life and you are still the driver, yes of course you are now having to drive in a different direction but you can chose to take the scenic route. Maybe when you are feeling a little stronger you could do some brain storming on a piece of paper listing all the things you would like to do and what steps you might have to take to make them happen. Easier said than done I know but please don't give up and try and see that chink of light that you still have a future and you can play a part in making it exciting.
This happened to my friend her ex made a decision he wanted out and she really believed she would grow old with him. Yes she had a horrific time and went through every emotion but the biggest thing I admire her for is how she handled the situation with their son. She always allowed access even though at times she hated him. She included him in all decisions. They told the child together that some things were going to change and daddy would live in another house but that he could see him whenever he wanted and he always saw mum and dad getting on in a civil manner even though my friend hated him for what he had done to her. I used to say how can you be so civil to him and she always said I'm not doing it for him or for me I'm doing it for our son and her mum and dad split up and she said her mum had never called her dad and always let her go to him freely and she wanted the same thing for her son (she said she made up her mind about her dad as an adult for herself it never came from her mum) So like I said I admire her for that because if my husband did that to me I'm not sure how I would react but I would love in an ideal world to be able to learn from how she was. She used to sound off to me instead of doing it to her ex or their child.
Good luck I'm not suggesting its easy at all but I hope you manage to keep strong and build a new life that is better than the one you have.

P.S. Just for the record my friend is now having a ball being single she gets to meet people and go through that amazing first stage of a relationship again and at times she makes me feel SO MARRRIED :rotfl:

mae

I really feel for you as you are forced on a journey that you didn't intend and thats hard because you've not really had any say in it, however that doesn't mean that the journey won't have good parts and that it won't have a good outcome. You still have some control of your life and you are still the driver, yes of course you are now having to drive in a different direction but you can chose to take the scenic route. Maybe when you are feeling a little stronger you could do some brain storming on a piece of paper listing all the things you would like to do and what steps you might have to take to make them happen. Easier said than done I know but please don't give up and try and see that chink of light that you still have a future and you can play a part in making it exciting.
This happened to my friend her ex made a decision he wanted out and she really believed she would grow old with him. Yes she had a horrific time and went through every emotion but the biggest thing I admire her for is how she handled the situation with their son. She always allowed access even though at times she hated him. She included him in all decisions. They told the child together that some things were going to change and daddy would live in another house but that he could see him whenever he wanted and he always saw mum and dad getting on in a civil manner even though my friend hated him for what he had done to her. I used to say how can you be so civil to him and she always said I'm not doing it for him or for me I'm doing it for our son and her mum and dad split up and she said her mum had never called her dad and always let her go to him freely and she wanted the same thing for her son (she said she made up her mind about her dad as an adult for herself it never came from her mum) So like I said I admire her for that because if my husband did that to me I'm not sure how I would react but I would love in an ideal world to be able to learn from how she was. She used to sound off to me instead of doing it to her ex or their child.
Good luck I'm not suggesting its easy at all but I hope you manage to keep strong and build a new life that is better than the one you have.

LilMissEmmylou

oh my goodness! This man seems to think life should revolve around him. How can he just expect you to stay with him under the condition you are a slave? (I know its not always but) Why do men think its ok to just shake their own responsibilities and that the woman will just make sure everything is ok.

Re. money, dont worry about money. if your going it as a single mum there is lots of help you can get from the government and if needs be they can also help pay for rented accom for you.

I agree with everyone else, your worth better than being his doormat. Life wont stop just because he leaves, it will go on as will you and heres hoping you can turn your life around and make it so so much better for you and your little girl xx

changkra

yorkshirepudding wrote: »

Hi guys

My husband broke it to me that he "wants to live on his own" ie-leaving me and our 2 year old daughter, on father's day. Great timing huh? He says he isn't cut out for married life and wants his freedom back.

I am just coming to terms with it now but I'm still in a real mess. We've both been suffering with depression, his has been treated but the antidepressants aren't working for me. I am also suffering with fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue and severe back/neck pain.

I seem to go from being really cool and collected, partially becuase sometimes I think it's a great opportunity for us to start again and find somebody better, but also because I think he will find me more attractive if I come across as being strong and independant. Then intermitantly I term into a blubbering fool begging and pleading that I will do anything to keep him happy.

His "deal" would be that he will be able to come home at whatever time he likes, work whenever he likes, see his friends all the time, for me to keep an immaculate house (he is tidy, I'm not) and for me to not ask him to do anything for me or our daughter and not to criticise him or be unhappy with him in any way shape or form no matter how rubbish he is.

I'm so angry, and so sad. I look at photos of our daughter as a baby and remember all our hopes and dreams for the future. Part of me would still like to make it work, but only if he was willing to change, and he's not.

I can't afford to keep the house but he has signed a letter to me saying that he will keep the finances as they are and he will find any extra income he needs through his business. We got it witnessed, will it be legally binding?

I guess I just need some advice from you guys. I am very alone, I have spent the last 6 years putting everything into this and he has been my best friend, I have lost touch with most of my friends and the couple that I have left aren't particularly close.

I'm sorry to question you on this but i also have fibro, do you actually have depression as the fibro can cause the symptoms of it. In a person with fibro the capillaries are smaller than a normal person which is why the oxygen doesn't get through to the muscles quick enough but it also doesn't get through to the brain which causes depression symptoms and also that spaced out not being here feeling you get occasionally. I am more than likely telling you something you already know an i apologise for that, but antidepressants don't always work with a fibro person as they do not have depression to treat, they can be used as a pain killer but only at a lesser dose.

Added to that I am sorry for the problems with your relationship and I do hope you manage to work this out together.

yorkshirepudding_4

hi everyone

I'm fine. Been staying with family for a few days so that's why I haven't responded. Husband moved out on thursday, I've joined the gym, have been twice already, flirted with a couple of guys, am feeling ok about things.

re the fibromyalgia, i'm not really getting anywhere with my doc on it, that's just my diagnosis, he said he is reluctant to diagnose it even though that's what he thinks it is because of the "stigma" attached to it. But i'm sure that being single again, combined with going to the gym will improve things.

lil_me

Yorkshirepudding pleased to hear things are going ok. I must agree with others, from what you said about your husband part of me was thinking is he the cause of your illness when it comes to the depression. You're being very brave. Hope everything continues to go well for you and your little one.

emweaver

omg hugs, he sounds so selfish and you can do so much better. You might be scared of being on your own but youll soon adjust to it and will probably be a lot happier without him making these ridiculous and selfish demands!

Id go back to the doc, tell him the drugs arent working and maybe ask for counselling. With him gone, you can concentrate on getting yourself better and on your daughter as it sounds like he could be dragging you down.

Iwouldnt tell you daughter daddy doesnt love you anymore as this would upset her. I dont know what to tell her, maybe just something simple like daddy doesnt live here anymore . . .

Does he want any sort of access to your daughter when hes moved out?

As for not affording bills etc make sure he pays you maintainance, its the least he can do if he doesnt want to care for his child doing things for her.

How old is he by the way? Sounds like the sort of thing my 16 yr old brother would say!

yorkshirepudding_4

he's 28. just had another argument on the phone. i am trying to be really civil, verging on nice with him but he's talking to me like cr*p, doesn't seem to care about me at all anymore. it's like he doesn't think he owes me anything, and doesn't seem to think that it's very hard being a single parent or that he should do anything to make my life easier. he won't do anything for me at all.
re access, we have agreed on every other weekend and 2 evenings during the week.

emweaver

Im glad he still wants to see your daughter. Is he paying you maintenance?

Sounds like your better off without him. It depends what your asking him to do for you, as when your not in a relationship with someone it tends to go a bit like that.

Hopefully he comes round and is a bit more pleasant to you, for your daughters sake at least!

Has he always been like this? I dont understand why he wanted to get married and have a child if he wants the single life Hes not found someone else? Are most of his mates single?

Who knows, in a few wks or so he might realise what hes lost.