Husband Wants To Leave Us

zebidee1

That's kinda what I meant but you said it so much better Louise.

I deffo agree with you. :beer:

yorkshirepudding_4

again, thank you all so much. I have thought a lot about what I will say to my daughter, and have tried it in my head loads of different ways, there is no chance of saying to her that daddy is moving out but he still loves you, she will want to know why, she wants to know why everything, so I'm ok explaining it till we get to the why part, I appreciate I don't want to screw her up, but I feel the need to give her a reason.

I really want to chuck him out but I am scared of showing any hostility towards him as it might look bad in the future, legally and I might get some of the blame.

I really don't think there is anyone else on the scene at all.

Emmzi

Daddy should explain why daddy is leaving. Why dump you with doing it when it's his doing?

Big hugs. Best shot of him, good luck, come here for more hugs whenever you want.

Carmina_Piranha_3

oh your poor thing! i'm struggling with postnatal depression at the moment and i live for the moment my husband walks through the door. i would hate for him to leave us and would be terrified, so i sympathise there.

he's decided that he wants his old life back - tell him so do you. tell him you want to go to uni and join a gym (and have weekends free for when you find a new man!) so if he's not going to be providing childcare then your daughter will have to go into foster care. see how he likes the idea of you walking out on your responsibilities in the same way that he is! i'm not seriously suggesting that of course, just wondering how he would feel if you were to do the same as him, and if perhaps it would shock him into seeing how selfish he is being.

i think you sound strong even though you think you're not. you really can do this, and there will be people on MSE who will support you all the way and chat to you any time you're feeling low.

your daughter will be going to school full time in two or three years so you'll have plenty of 'you time' to sort out what you want and how to get there.

i do think you should tell him the childcare will be at HIS house with you not doing any of the work at all. none of this him feeling smug about reading a book or watching teletubbies while you rush around cooking for him and washing his socks!

he may be a genuinely nice person who can't see any other way out of a bad time, but that's no reason for life to get worse for you! doesn't he worry about your little girl and how she'd cope with a seriously frazzled mum who is busier than ever because 'daddy' doesn't want to lift a finger to help?

Kimberley

Some men can be pigs sometimes :rolleyes: Be strong and tell him to leave. It's daunting at first but after a while you will get used to being on your own and you may end up liking being an independant women

You and your child are the ones to worry about now, as long as you keep things civil between you and her dad you will be fine.

TheWaltons_3

When telling your Daughter that Daddy is moving out - keep it simple. Just tell her Daddy is moving away and he loves her very much. Do not be drawn into questions. It will be many many years ahead when she realises and puts 2 & 2 together - from personal experience... things that happened when very young only kind of click into place through life experience and with time.

As for looking forward to 6pm when he comes home - this isn't a sign of depression or anything at all! I plan my day and routine around my husbands hours and when feeling stressed... I watch the clock and say to myself... 'right, will do a basket of laundry, sit on Cbeebies with my daughter... make a cup of tea and that will take me to 11am.. then I've only got an hour until he comes home... blah blah' - I love my kids and haven't got any kind of depression - that's NORMAL!!! Kids are brilliant bless them.. but any adult who says kids company all day without a break is fine and they love it.. has lost the plot:rotfl:

You will find that if he does move out you will deal with it, you will be strong - you just will. you will cope - there isn't any other alternative but to cope, and the inner strength that will come to the surface will shock you. In a few months time, you may even wish he'd moved out sooner!!!

Bananabelly

I agree with the other posters. I think you have made a great step in the right direction by wanting to join a gym, that is a great non-pharmaceutical way to kick depression (depending on the intensity of it).
The other thing to keep in mind is that kids are a fantastic way to meet people - look out for playgroups, tea mornings, even just talking to parents down at the park. You already have something in common and it is a nice informal way to make friends. There may be more structured things your GP, etc could put you in touch with (also keep in mind they often have access to subsidised gym schemes if money is tight).
Make a break, it sounds like you deserve it, and you will look back and wonder what on earth you were thinking even considering his proposal!

ajaxgeezer

Blinking flip, almost makes a bloke ashamed to be male. Sorry to hear of this, Puddin' and best wishes.... also, great points made by zebidee and louise I think.

skylight

Big HUgs here too!

My OH announced on Friday that he wants out - and although after a lot of digging it appears to be similar reasons to your OH, he blames me and my controlling nature.

Ah well. Life sucks mate, so get lost. He didin't (hasn't!)

Things will be tough for a while. Currently I am letting him get stuff out of his system about me and what he wants before I start on him and what I want. As I have always told him, its a partnership. I support him (and have never let him down yet) and he is supposed to support me.

And I too have thought that actually we would be better off without him. My OH is not a man who helps himself in life.

Be strong. You are stronger than you think. Call his bluff because you are not his skivvy, you are his wife. And there are probably underlying issues (still hunting down ours!) and this is how his concerns and worries are coming out.

wifeforlife

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Just wanted to offer my sincerest thoughts with you and your child.

Stay strong for you and for your child, if he wants to go let him go even though it's so so hard. Concentrate on you, your depression, your wellbeing and your childs wellbeing.

Take a while to yourself to get over the shock first, then start to think of the practicalities.

You've alot of friends & support here, keep chatting. You'll get through this

Cate