Dealing with and helping hoarding parents...

securityguy

Newy wrote: »

It's just so frustrating watching them allow the asset they've worked so hard for to just fall into disrepair .

They sound a bit young for their children to be already scheming to maximise "their" inheritance, don't they?

If my adult children started wanting me to live differently in order to [STRIKE]increase the size of my estate[/STRIKE] make them happier, I suspect I'd tell them to get stuffed. Vultures.

securityguy

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

Do they ever go on holiday? Could you do a bit then.

The parents would be quite justified in those circumstances in changing the locks. Going into other people's houses and tidying up is the sort of stuff that on other threads has being ranting, at length, about their in-laws. It's no better the other way around.

PlutoinCapricorn

http://childrenofhoarders.com/wordpress/

Mainly for the hoarders, but useful to read:
http://takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/

DigForVictory

I do appreciate it's difficult for you, but as you only see them rarely, concentrate on making as much of them as you can in the time?

There are some disagreements that are horribly painful & avoidable - while they're happy enough & healthy enough, they won't thank you.

Let the first nurse to go in say everything you long to - it's her job & she's not family.

LegalBlonde

krustylouise wrote: »

Sorry but this thread is all too similar to the other troll thread about an abundance of toys!!! I have no faith at the moment!

There's an hour I am never getting back!!! I didn't realise it was closed till I got to the end!! I was all ready to post and say I am a fool who was actually hoping for some advice on what to do with my daughter's toys...

OP my parents are the same and always has been. Declutter books/storage boxes/organising folder/diary presents over the years have joined the pile.

Shockingly I've had a look at my own house from the outside in and fear I will go the same way....when I watch these hoarder programmes instead of thinking OMG that's awful I think yeah well they have a point (eg one lady who had a bin full of electrical wires, didn't know what any were for, all the electricals in her house work, but she wouldn't bin "just in case") totally get that.

So onwards and upwards I can only help myself and will be starting an intense clear out. All I can hope is that when I've done it and my family see how happy and free I am :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: they will have their own lightbulb moment, in all seriousness like anything it has to be their own moment.

LegalBlonde

Newy wrote: »

Growing up our house was never tidy or clean. There was 'stuff' everywhere and housework was never a strong point... my friends used to ask why my Mum couldn't keep it tidy then their parents worked full time and could,

PS - I hope you got some new friends.

mummyroysof3

securityguy wrote: »

The parents would be quite justified in those circumstances in changing the locks. Going into other people's houses and tidying up is the sort of stuff that on other threads has being ranting, at length, about their in-laws. It's no better the other way around.

I understand what you mean of course it's not ideal to have to do that but in a situation of my parents living in a property that was filthy and possibly causing health problems I would do it anyway.

If it's a case of them wanting it done but not knowing where to start my suggestion would be shedding them on hols for a week and doing it while they not there. Not a solution that would work for everyone but could be coincide red.

Newy

securityguy wrote: »

They sound a bit young for their children to be already scheming to maximise "their" inheritance, don't they?

If my adult children started wanting me to live differently in order to [STRIKE]increase the size of my estate[/STRIKE] make them happier, I suspect I'd tell them to get stuffed. Vultures.

Wow. I'm quite taken about that you have jumped to the very rude conclusion that I want to help my parents because I'm scheming to increase the amount of inheritance I get. It has got absolutely nothing to do with that. My reason for mentioning the house being an asset is because when they do eventually move they'll need to be able to afford a suitable house or to pay for good quality care for themselves in the future and I want them to be able to sell their house for what they think it's worth, which isn't what they'd get with how it currently is. Please take your rude and unhelpful replies to somebody else's thread.

Newy

Legal Blonde, I get what you mean. I think when you grow up all you know if how it was during childhood so to have to learn to change your mindset and 'see' these things is really difficult. There's many household chores I wasn't even all that aware of until I had my own house to look after and my other half made me more aware of them.

PlutoinCapricorn, thanks for the links I'll have a good read. I had no idea such organisations existed.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

I understand what you mean of course it's not ideal to have to do that but in a situation of my parents living in a property that was filthy and possibly causing health problems I would do it anyway.

If it's a case of them wanting it done but not knowing where to start my suggestion would be shedding them on hols for a week and doing it while they not there. Not a solution that would work for everyone but could be coincide red.

Sadly, that would probably result in the hoarders going ballistic, sometimes to the point of violence or reporting the tidiers to the police for theft, cutting off contact or forever accusing them of being untrustworthy. Oh, and buying/scavenging double the amount of stuff to replace the much mourned and totally priceless/irreplaceable 'stuff'.

My mother obsessed about a video I wouldn't have dreamt of watching. Obsessed as in years later, I was still accused of having stolen it because I'd once chucked away three lumps of green mush that used to be gammon in the number 3 fridge. She'd make nasty comments and insist on seeing inside my handbag when I left every time. The last time I was there, it was found down the back of freezer 2. After spending five hours clearing a four foot by five foot patch trying to get to the back door so she had an exit point in case of fire. I was informed that it wasn't the same video, it was another one because the cover wasn't the same (as it had faded in the intervening years from being against the heat exchange thing). So I know she'll still be telling her friends (who privately say she is sick, but are too scared of her reaction to suggest she gets help) that I've stolen from her.



The Stuff is more important than anything else. If it's cleaned/cleared whilst on holiday, they'll never go on holiday again. If it's done whilst in hospital, they won't seek medical treatment next time.

Your choice is to ignore it and maintain a relationship where it is never mentioned again, or risk finding out how much more important the stuff is to them rather than you.