Rubbish days

Metranil_Vavin

Does anyone else ever feel like a bit of a rubbish mum (or Dad)?

I feel tired constantly at the moment. I have a heavy 5 month old baby who can't sit up on her own yet so requires a lot of carrying (can't get on with slings btw..have tried), and a 3 year old who is going through a 'challenging' stage (don't they all!)

What I really would like to do is hand them over to a grandparent for a couple of days, sleep (lots) and maybe do something radical like go for a meal or a drink. I'm still breastfeeding so this is a pipe dream for another month at least..have tried expressing and it's such a chore. Grandparents don't live anywhere nearby either so that's another thing.

Some days I really struggle to motivate myself to go out. I always try to do something for 3 year olds sake, but just feeling a bit 'meh'.

Not sure the point of my ramble..I know all the things we 'could' do, and have done groups, swimming, museums, coffees with pals, park etc etc..guess I just want to know that I'm not the only mum out there who feels everyone else seems to be doing it 'better'?

I let toddler watch Cbeebies too.....:rotfl::o

sulkisu

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

Does anyone else ever feel like a bit of a rubbish mum (or Dad)?

I feel tired constantly at the moment. I have a heavy 5 month old baby who can't sit up on her own yet so requires a lot of carrying (can't get on with slings btw..have tried), and a 3 year old who is going through a 'challenging' stage (don't they all!)

What I really would like to do is hand them over to a grandparent for a couple of days, sleep (lots) and maybe do something radical like go for a meal or a drink. I'm still breastfeeding so this is a pipe dream for another month at least..have tried expressing and it's such a chore. Grandparents don't live anywhere nearby either so that's another thing.

Some days I really struggle to motivate myself to go out. I always try to do something for 3 year olds sake, but just feeling a bit 'meh'.

Not sure the point of my ramble..I know all the things we 'could' do, and have done groups, swimming, museums, coffees with pals, park etc etc..guess I just want to know that I'm not the only mum out there who feels everyone else seems to be doing it 'better'?

I let toddler watch Cbeebies too.....:rotfl::o

Yep - feeling that way myself at the moment. DS1 is 3 this month and DS2 & 3 are 14 months old. OH is away (which is just as well, as we are having a few issues!) for a week and I feel like I am treading water - i.e. just about keeping my head up. My toddler has watched several hours of tv recently, we have all eaten crap and have barely been outside - I just don't have the energy. I know that it will pass. I hug my boys every single day and tell them that I love them. That's what matters to them, not the other stuff.


Just do the best that you can and try not to feel guilty and don't worry about how other mums are doing. I am sure to the outside world, I look like one of those 'happy, content and coping beautifully' mothers, when the reality is so different.

Metranil_Vavin

ahh thank you sulkisu..just the sort of post I was hoping for!

Wow, you've got 3 on your hands...and your OH is away?? Massive respect to you, it's tough enough just getting through a day with them both somedays, and that's knowing that OH will be back at 7pm!

I think motherhood is stupidly competative, even if you are determined never to let it get that way. I always feel under pressure to be 'doing' things, and some days it's just all a massive struggle.

I physically ache from lifting and carrying the baby, lugging kids in and out of the car, dragging my buggy up and down stairs..I just want to SIT and watch Homes Under the Hammer with a cuppa and NO KIDS DEMANDING anYTHING!

Just barked at DS as he was annoying me, made him cry...bah.

I tell them both I love them all the time too, and always say sorry if I've shouted.

I'm just fed up of seeing pictures on FB of friends with kids who seem to be doing stuff all the time and enjoying it! I often find it a real chore, particularly if we do something and DS decides he's going to have a 'toddler tantrum' day.

Sigh..good to offload anyway. Glad it's not just me

Metranil_Vavin

nb - don't think this weather/time of year helps at all.

It seems to have rained every single day for as long as I can remember.

I'm sure in the summer when we can have picnics in the park again things will seem better, although I'll be back at work part time by then.

Metranil_Vavin

3 year old seems to have regressed in sleep as well and is waking us up by coming into our bedroom about 3-4 times a night at the moment. That coupled with the baby waking for feeds every 4 hours means sleep is sporadic, probably a factor as to why I am feeling so down.

Metranil_Vavin

I'll stop talking to myself now!

:rotfl:

TeamLowe

I have no experience but I think sulky is right- as long as they're fed and clean and know they're loved that's all that actually matters. I was stuck in front of the TV and didn't do many activities aimed at me (had to go along with what big sisters did) and I have only happy memories of my childhood

And the pictures of Facebook will only ever be of the good days and you'll have some of them soon too I'm sure x

Xaniwoop

I'm sorry you feel so rotten. If it's any consolation pretty much every mum has days (or weeks) like this where you wish you could just put your kids into stasis and have a day to yourself - or even a trip to the loo in peace. Try to carve out little moments just for you and appreciate them like a nice scented bath in the evening, or 2 minutes in the pantry stuffing a choccie biccie unseen.

Try not to make big decisions while you feel like this. If you are done with the breastfeeding then stop but don't do it because you think it will make this feeling magically disappear. You'll still have 2 demanding little ones day and probably night and the GPs will still be too far away to help that much. Don't feel guilty if that is what you want to do though just be careful it's not a knee jerk 'I want my body/life back' reaction.

Also always remember that we only put the lovely, shiny stuff on facebook. For example, I'm having a horrible, low day so I distracted myself by baking and icing some very pretty little cakes for my DD's Brownie disco. Then I took a pic and put it on FB in the hope that positive feedback would cheer me up. What I've actally done is created a 'look at me and my lovely creative, domestic life' status which is a complete fiction in comparison to my untidy house, comfort eating of cakes too misshapen to photograph and desire to sob uncontrollably. What I'm saying (between my whinging!) is no one stops to take a photo of their toddler tantruming at soft play, or their kids still in PJs at 2.30 glued to Cbeebies but it happens to all of us.

I'm not sure any of this will help you but you aren't alone, motherhood is hard work, constant and you are always at the bottom of the pile. The rewards are incredible but it's hard to see that when you are covered in sick trying to rock one to sleep while teaching the other the value of self control...

Gillyx

We all have them, believe me and I only have one. I hate this time of year. In the summer you can be in the garden from very early to late, but not possible ATM so sympathies x

Kayalana99

Oh my days. Here here! I have a 17month DS and a 4 month old baby and I feel like I don't get out much, I've started taking them for walks just to get out the house. DS1 goes out with his grandparents to play groups twice a week at least.

I think its just the age and the fact I don't have a car in the day - I think I would be happy for the youngest to go away for a couple days just so I could take DS1 places without having to worry about how I would cope with two.... :-/

I'm running a business as well from home so its all madness...at least OH is home at 6pm everyday.

honeybean

I don't know if this will help but my children are a lot older and all grown up now,I have 3 two of which were 18 months apart. A few years ago now I contacted the local collage as my local one was doing a child are courses and put my name forward as a someone willing to have a student do work experience at, it helped me lots just having a extra pair of hands and also someone to chat to also a added bonus they are getting experience. And my children made a friend who they still are in contact with all these years later.i don't know if colleges still do this sort of thing as it was a few years ago now . I understand peoples wariness but they are fully vetted and you don't leave them on their own with the children but at least you have a extra pair of hands to help. Just a thought .