notanotherbl**dydebtdiary by notanothergreyhair

silkglade

Hi hun,

It's great to see you back on here, I did check up every so often to see if you had posted anything but you like me I think lost your way to this amazing site.

WELL DONE on the WEIGHT LOSS - that is an amazing achievement and I bet you are feeling so much better for it :T

And also WELL DONE on getting yourself on the straight and narrow (the budget sounds like it's really doing well).

Really glad that your not sounding so down like you did before. really nice you see you so positive and ready to tackle the task ahead.

notanothergreyhair

Hi everyone,

Apologies that this diary does not scan like one, in the sense that there is an entry once in a blue moon from its author.

Anyhow. Things are ok at the moment. I have been doing uni work (albeit not quite enough); I am thinking clearly; I have been working out a DFD, which I'll announce in a few minutes; I have lost 25lbs in the calendar year so far, half of this thanks to CD; I have much more confidence than I have all year; I feel like I am in control.

There is a post on the DFW board about people's ages; I can't do a linky at the moment, but it is a decent read. Most threads are on the DFW board, they are all full of inspiration and hope. Getting to the point; I have about 10k of debt and all this started when I was about 19/20, but I really have little in way of tangible goods to show for it. I did grow an enormous stomach in this time however, maybe all my money got invested in it? Actually, I know a lot of it did, in an effort to make myself a little happier - it didn't work

I did a tally last year of how much money had left my account in a 3-ish year period; I'll see if I can find the totals as they are pretty shameful to read.

Hope you are all well.

NAGH

silkglade

Wow, well done on the weight loss... thats fantastic :T.

I am really glad to see your post on here and that you are still feeling alot happier.

notanothergreyhair

Thanks silkglade, it means a lot to me that someone out there is listening to me. How are thinigs with you; are you still on 12h shifts?

As promised earlier I have worked out a DFD (excluding my past student loans - those I will tackle in the future). It was not easy to work out a DFD, given that my income varies wildly depending on the time of year; normal uni time is settled but low, exam periods it is virtually nil, and the summer is where I have the potential to earn (relatively) lots.

My DFD was going to be somewhere in 2010 (when my course finishes) but with some insipiration from the 'make £5/£10 a day extra' thread(s), I have come up with a DFD of 1/10/2009...this is contingent on finding an extra £3k between 01/01/08 and 01/10/09, this is 87 weeks which means I need to find £4.93 a day extra to make it. It is a monster challenge, but I am going to try it. I still have £7k ish to pay between now and my DFD, but that is allocated through expected earnings etc.

If I can bring the DFD forward then I will, but the figures I have strike a balance between effort and caution. I can only dedicate so much time to extra DFW activities as I do not want my course to suffer...good job I have started using my diary regularly again.

lunar

well done on the weight loss and on sounding so positive about your DFD, i havent dared to work out how much extra i need to earn to be debt free before im 30, maybe i should have a look at it.

glad that your course is going well, no point letting thea suffer for a couple of monthe on your dfd.

notanothergreyhair

Thank you for that lunar. Have you looked at working out how much extra you would need to be debt free by the time you reach 30? Working these things out can be such a double-edge sword; it can either motivate or de-motivate a person.

I have had a good few days since my last post; nothing remarkable has happened but I am feeling fantastic. I think I am in a position right now where I can see the future so much more clearly than I have before; I don't have any major explanation for this, perhaps it is just because with a little effort, I have been achieving things steadily...such as the weight loss, sticking to budget etc.

silkglade

notanothergreyhair wrote: »

Thanks silkglade, it means a lot to me that someone out there is listening to me. How are thinigs with you; are you still on 12h shifts?

Hi,

I am listening :j, not been here for a few days as been busy sorting things out at the moment.

Yes I am still on 12 hr shifts as that is my normal working life , I love it really as it means I average 3 shifts a week and if I NEED to do overtime then I can easily fit plenty in :rolleyes:, I love the freedom it gives.

But I am no longer doing stupid amounts of overtime :T, I did it at the right time as it is few and far between, even if wanted.

Glad things are going so well for you hun:beer:

notanothergreyhair

I have had a rubbish few days to be honest; my depression isn't coming back but I am feeling a bit low.

I am great at making plans, and I can be good at carrying them out when I have the desire, the difficulty is a lack of desire. Actually, I do have the desire to do things, I just don't see the point sometimes. I'm sorry of that sounds cryptic. What I mean is that if I see a dangling carrot in the distance, I can appreciate that the carrot is valuable, but I make do with much less. Then I get really !!!!!! off with myself. Grrr!!

It could be linked to stuff in my past and I might go and see a counsellor at the university once more; this visit will be slightly less dramatic though...lol

I'm really jolly rubbish at doing work, of any kind. I am so ashamed by this. People in the world should (and do) work hard to achieve and acquire things; I have only acquired debt, but my existence over the past decade has been one of drifting, lies, and excuses. When I decide I want to change this, I get the good old distant carrot again. I do want to break this, and I will...I promise.

I allow myself to be distracted lots, largely the tv and the internet are the culprits. I say culprits when I mean tools, the culprit is me! Therefore, as a New Year's resolution, I am going to cut tv and unnecessary internet browsing to the barest of bare minimums. I like tv, but it is never good to watch too much of it. I am going to start withdrawing from tv tomorrow. I gave up 40 fags a day so I ought to be able to achieve this.

I am bright enough to have a professional career, only I can further sabotage it...and I really do not want to.

Apologies for the ramble.

Pollydaydream

NAGH

I just wrote you a beautiful post and then lost it.

Well, the abridged version is - been there, felt like that; really, really regret the time I spent feeling like that (even though I couldn't help it at the time); don't want you to waste your life feeling like that when I know (with hindsight) that it isn't worth it.

I don't want to belittle your feelings - I felt them strongly enough at the time - but I know now that you're being too hard on yourself.

Anyway, come and join us on the "stop faffing about" challenge and we'll keep you on the the straight and narrow this year.

Polly

notanothergreyhair

Hi Polly,

Yours was a beautiful post anyway. Thankyou.

I don't want to waste my time feeling like it too, and in the 3 hours since my last post I have chilled out lots. I just needed to get it off my chest, which is what the diary is about.

Where/what is the 'faffing' challenge? It sounds interesting.