notanotherbl**dydebtdiary by notanothergreyhair

notanothergreyhair

The preface:

I have sat and read, skimmed and nosied my way through a fair few posts from a fair few diaries on here, all of which have been a terrific read with lots and lots of honest, fantastic advice and support contained within them.

I appreciate that you loyal DFWs stretch your time across so many musings and I beg nothing more of you than to allow me to try and scribble a few personal thoughts about my journey forward. I will try not to dumb it down but will do everything I can to sex it up for your visual pleasure

Some of you may have notcied me post here and there, but I haven't really said too much about myself; I want to get things written down here for a few reasons. I want to harness some focus on improving my situation, I want to be open about what is actually going on in my life (I don't share much with many people as you will see later), I want to stop living behind excuses and a million other things, but most of all I just want to be happy.

I am a uni student who is in debt, unhappy, bright, paranoid, obese, constantly tired, emotional, gay, kind, judgemental, sensitive, unmotivated and a whole host of other things. I am not going to start comparing myself to others; I know that practically everyone has a much harder time than I and they are an absolute credit to the human spirit to be battling on so admirably. Every time I write a word on this diary (and this board) it is helping me to move on.

More to come soon.

cat4772

Noanothergreyhair

Welcome!

Post as much or as little as you want - we're all here to offer and receive support.

Cat

southernscouser

notanothergreyhair wrote: »

I am a uni student who is in debt, unhappy, bright, paranoid, obese, constantly tired, emotional, gay, kind, judgemental, sensitive, unmotivated and a whole host of other things.

There is more? :eek:



I admire the honesty in your opening post. You won't go far wrong in life if you are honest with yourself and others.

Best of luck. :beer:

taka

:T That was a brave post! :T Well done! :T

This whole website is helping me change my life for the better. Taking charge of my life and where I want it to go instead of it going on without thinking and just drifting is such a nice change for the better!

I hope this tread helps you to achieve whatever you feel you need to! I hope it helps and I look forward to reading whatever you have to say and your journey!

Taka

Karmacat

Hi NAGH
You're on the 101 days.... challenge, aren't you??? Thats a wonderful opening post for your thread, I'll be following it with interest.

immoral_angeluk

Loving the title of your diary too..

notanothergreyhair

Hi again,

Thankyou everyone for being so supportive, so quickly.

Taka & Cat - there is something so wonderfully encouraging about this website it is practically infectious.

SS - it does seem like rather a mouthful doesn't it (as the actor said to the bishop), I ramble sometimes so apologies in advance.

Karma - I did indeed setup the 101 day challenge but after a huge wobble a few weeks ago I have not kept up posting; I really ought to do so but the time was right for me today to start crystalising my thoughts in a diary.

So why is this my LBM? Well...today I sat down to try and do some work (I have about 40 days to learn 70 credits worth of uni work from scratch for exams) and I simply could not do anything productive. Whilst this is not a new situation, it is something that I am not willing to accept any longer and it is a mere facet of a greater network of interwoven frustrations; ones which are going to be sorted out step-by-step.

I suffered with depression for many years (probably always will) but three months ago I came off of the ADs after almost 4 years of using them; whilst I no longer wake up and wish I had not, I am nose-to-nose with glass walls in every direction. All the difficulties in my life are not borne from depression and this diary is not about that; I think what it is about is being part of a community that understands and having an outlet for my tensions, thoughts and ideas.

If anyone ever has any questions then please, please feel free to ask.

notanothergreyhair

immoral_angeluk wrote: »

Loving the title of your diary too..

IA - I am honoured to hear from the queen of debt diaries; I haven't quite worked my way through all of yours but you are such an inspiration, I simply don't have the words to say how wonderful your input to this site and others' lives is.

southernscouser

OK so you've listed what you are not happy about in life and yourself. Now tell us what would make you happy and what you can do about it.

Debt can be paid, happiness can be found, weight can be lost! There are achievable results if your willing to put the effort in to get them.

GirlRacer_2

How about getting together your statement of affairs. It's difficult to write down but once it's done and people flock with some ideas you start to feel as if a weight has been lifted.

By the way, I love your original post, is this how other people see you or just how you see yourself. (I think I'm fat, but other people don't, if you get my meaning). When you've got lots of things to worry about eg uni and debts it feels as if everything in your life is wrong. SS is right in what he says, debts CAN be paid, hapiness CAN be found, weight CAN be lost, everything is achievable.

notanothergreyhair

Very true words SS, as ever.

What would make me happy, well at least happier?...

In no particular order (non-exhaustive too)...

I would stop holding onto bad memories...
I would not owe another individual or institution money...
I would not need my parents for anything
I would have motivation
I would play cricket again if I wanted because I was fit enough
I would have a career and not a bunch of excuses for not yet having one
I would not be 'starting diet/work/etc tomorrow', I would be doing it now
I might have a partner
I would visit new places in the world on holiday
I would not make empty promises
I would not let the smallest thing let me get so damn furious
I would confront something rather than shy away from it

I will add more to this list as and when I think about them