coworker enquiring about sexuality

jacques_chirac

sniggings wrote: »

she sounds like she's eyeing you up for her next kid, so she can claim child support off you for the next 18 years.

I wouldn't even reply to that, she sounds a vicky pollard type.

Up to you how you handle it, either tell her to grow up, ignore her or report her.

To ask someone that, when you don't even know them, it's obvious she is trying to make you uncomfortable and be nasty.

Wow, talk about judgmental!

OP, do you feel there was any malice in her questions or more that she was naive and not aware of what was suitable in the workplace? If it was not malicious and you did not wish to answer I would simply say 'not really a discussion for working hours' and change the subject.

tir21

AP007 wrote: »

So you told her if you were or not? Why would you do that? Ask her if shes a lesbian or just a woman in drag haha

If id refused to answer she'd assume I was gay. Maybe I shouldnt be worried but what's the point of allowing that misconception to circulate?

Indie_Kid

Bella73 wrote: »

What a strange question to ask someone! Maybe that's just me.

It's not just you. I'd find it odd too.

I also cringe the other way around when we had an openly gay chap who came into work and basically told us on day one that he was gay...my answer to him was why would I want to know that, we are working together not planning to sleep with him plus we are all married/with someone so no one was interested anyway!

I don't understand people who do this. I have a friend who told me she was a lesbian. In the nicest way possible, I didn't care. But there's a huge difference between someone you've known for 4 years and went to secondary school together and a work colleague who you may not know that well.

sniggings

Denning. wrote: »

Not necessarily. It's all to do with tone. I'm not sure how old you are, but kids these days are a lot more liberal about that kind of stuff than older generations and asking in the same spirit as 'do you have a girlfriend', which is arguably just as an unacceptable thing to ask nowadays. When you see nothing wrong with something you might not realise it is an inappropriate thing to do/say.

I can only go by what the OP has posted, I'm guessing if the question was asked in a reasonable way, they wouldn't be on here asking should he report them.

tir21

jacques_chirac wrote: »

Wow, talk about judgmental!

OP, do you feel there was any malice in her questions or more that she was naive and not aware of what was suitable in the workplace? If it was not malicious and you did not wish to answer I would simply say 'not really a discussion for working hours' and change the subject.

Yes she was trying to make me feel uncomfortable

AP007

tir21 wrote: »

If id refused to answer she'd assume I was gay. Maybe I shouldnt be worried but what's the point of allowing that misconception to circulate?

Not at all. They obviously think that to begin with. I have never asked that or anyone.

There would be no misconception circulating, only what you have told her. No doubt they have told others now.

Maybe you should have said 'would it matter if I was'? Or 'is that anything to concern yourself with?

Or laugh and say 'are you'?

Southend1

It's not a strange question at all and it's not offensive (well not to me anyway, and I can't see why anyone else would be offended either?).

Perhaps she was asking on behalf of a coworker who fancies you but is to shy to ask? Maybe she is just nosy?

Either way, if you're asked you only need to say yes, no or not telling!

It's certainly not a disciplinary matter or something the manager needs to "have a word" about.

AP007

Southend1 wrote: »

It's certainly not a disciplinary matter or something the manager needs to "have a word" about.

Is it really not? How can someone think they can ask you that at work when you can not in an interview? Surely its the same thing.

What if they said to a woman 'gosh you look fat are you pregnant'?

Southend1

AP007 wrote: »

Is it really not? How can someone think they can ask you that at work when you can not in an interview? Surely its the same thing.

What if they said to a woman 'gosh you look fat are you pregnant'?

No it's really not.

It's not appropriate to ask at an interview because it may influence or be perceived to influence the decision to employ someone. In day to day conversation with friends or colleagues it's fine.

Asking someone if they are pregnant is not offensive per se but pointing out someone's size generally is, so that's a trickier topic!

Southend1

In fact, I prefer people to ask about my sexuality before asking if I am married, have kids etc. The problem is that most people (including gay people) assume everyone they meet is straight until informed otherwise!