Worried

lostinrates

Domayne wrote: »

I think most parents worry no matter what age you are
My mum worries about me if I'm an hour late and will call me, I still live with her and she always wants to know where I'm going when I go out - I don't mind this at all, she's my mum and you only get one, one day who knows...you might not get to talk to her again, so for the person who loves you unconditionally - always make time!
Like I said, I worry if my mum and dad are late home and call them to find out where they are as well

There is a key difference if you live with someone.

Texting to let them know you won't be home/will be home unusal to schedule or whatever is a courtesy....whether its your mother or a flatmate. When in flat shares my flatmates and I established this quickly (some one always worries, or plans the flat for themselves and a partner on the evening when everyone else's schedules activities are cancelled )

Its also common sense to log in regularly with someone, anyone, and why not your mother who loves you regularly to say 'I'm ok'. But sometimes one is just run off ones feet with business/had phone nicked/ whatever. To have to deal with a fraught Ma too can be a burden not a reassurance.

tesuhoha

lostinrates wrote: »

But you are expecting. Because its not getting what you expect that is making you worry, surely?


I understand you wanting to know she is alright but she is 27. You have described her as independent, and she lives away from home in a busy capital city, so we can presume she is not totally witless and has a decade-ish of adulthood under her belt.


I do think you sound really nice and loving. But 'just texting me one word it would be ok' is not, IMO, a particularly helpful reaction (for either of you) to a very adult child not being in contact for a day.

I hope she is fine, and that you are too, I really do understand you must be upset.

Its not so much expectation as worry that something is wrong. If someone said she's dancing the night away at a party I would just relax and enjoy my evening. My husband has the same view as you by the way.

tesuhoha

lostinrates wrote: »

There is a key difference if you live with someone.

Texting to let them know you won't be home/will be home unusal to schedule or whatever is a courtesy....whether its your mother or a flatmate. When in flat shares my flatmates and I established this quickly (some one always worries, or plans the flat for themselves and a partner on the evening when everyone else's schedules activities are cancelled )

Its also common sense to log in regularly with someone, anyone, and why not your mother who loves you regularly to say 'I'm ok'. But sometimes one is just run off ones feet with business/had phone nicked/ whatever. To have to deal with a fraught Ma too can be a burden not a reassurance.

Her plan is to come home tonight after seeing friends and then tomorrow we are going to the theatre and she is going on holiday on Sunday from here, so if she just fails to appear tonight then it will be extremely worrying. Even more worrying if she doesn't turn up tomorrow as have theatre tickets. The show we are going to is something she asked me to go to with her. It is a bit more than just going quiet on the phone if you planned to be somewhere and then don't turn up.

I don't have any friends' phone numbers, there is no flat landline and I don't have the flatmate's number. That's how independent she is. I don't know any workmates nor the surname of the flatmate.

lostinrates

tesuhoha wrote: »

Her plan is to come home tonight after seeing friends and then tomorrow we are going to the theatre and she is going on holiday on Sunday from here, so if she just fails to appear tonight then it will be extremely worrying. Even more worrying if she doesn't turn up tomorrow as have theatre tickets. The show we are going to is something she asked me to go to with her. It is a bit more than just going quiet on the phone if you planned to be somewhere and then don't turn up.

I don't have any friends' phone numbers, there is no flat landline and I don't have the flatmate's number. That's how independent she is. I don't know any workmates nor the surname of the flatmate.

I would agree it will be worrying if she doesn't come home tonight, what time do you expect her?


I think rather than particularly independent its not uncommon for people renting in flat shares to just have mobiles now. DH lives in London the week and he just has a mobile there. I'd honestly find it odd if my parents had my friends phone numbers, I don't think you're daughter is particularly unusual for an 'independent" modern woman. The reason I am pointing these things put is because I am hoping that by seeing this is not that unusal it reassures you.

poet123

I would sit tight and hope she arrives later with a perfectly good explanation. I know how you are feeling though, anything out of the ordinary is worrying. For future reference though I would ask if she could give me the name/number of the flatmate, you should stress you would only use it in a real emergency.

Padstow

tesuhoha wrote: »

She doesn't ring me everyday; she texts and it is unusual today because she is coming home/going on holiday on Sunday. I didn't text her for a few days recently and she asked me what was wrong. She is very independent but there is nothing wrong with us having a friendship. We are supposed to be going to the ballet tomorrow.

My husband has just told me off in the same fashion.

Sorry, you've got it in both ears then.

She'll be fine. Don't fuss or she'll be annoyed.

Padstow

She may have lost her phone, battery run out, anything. They don't think we sit at home worrying. That's for them to do when they have kids of their own.

It's London. Help is all around her.

bagpussbear

I think that she has probably had troubles with her phone but has not worried about ringing you knowing she'd be seeing you later.

Does she usually arrive at a set time? eg. would she get to the station at a certain time that you would know something is definitely up if she wasn't on that particular train perhaps?

I wouldn't worry too much unless she was a couple of hours past her usual time, without any contact.

Hope she is home soon.

jinty271

What mobile network is she on ?

I know, from work, that several networks (Especially 3) have been having issues with texting, over the last day or two ?

http://downdetector.co.uk/problems/3


Hope she gets in contact soon.


ETA - I have two sons in their mid 20's, who both have great careers and live with their girlfriends - it does not stop them texting their mammy every day - that's just the courteous and loving relationship we have, and it does not mean they are smothered or have not been able to grow up or build their own lives

Macca83_2

I'm 30, I don't talk or text my mum everyday but if she texts me I'll usually reply after a few hours. My brother on the other hand she'll text but it will take him a couple days to get back to her. She'll worry more about me if I don't text back within a day or so but that's because it's in my nature to text her back fairly promptly. You know your own daughter. You know her habits. But, saying that, I wouldn't hit panic stations just yet. There will be a logical explanation. If I don't text back it's because I've forgotten my phone or not charged it.