Would this annoy you or am I unreasonable

swingaloo

Just looking for others opinions please.

I don't now why I feel niggly about this but I just do.

I lent a family member some money in November.

It was quite a large sum but she had a genuine emergency.

The general discussion was 'Im sorry to ask but I will pay you something each week once we get Xmas out of the way if that's ok.'

It was not a problem to us so she had the money. Since then there have been 2 occasions when she has said something on the lines of 'I will give you some money at weekend' or 'I will be able pay you something by next thursday'.

Neither time has it happened but on both occasions she has apologised and said 'such and such a thing happened, the kids needed etc'.

On both occasions I have said not to worry and there is no rush.

But I have just been asked to babysit on Saturday as she is going out with friends and also to look after hers sons on Friday afternoon as she is having her hair done.

Now I know that the hairdresser she uses charges in the region of £70 for the treatment she has (she only had it done 5 weeks ago) and Im feeling a bit annoyed if Im honest.

I don't mind waiting for the cash, it would just be sat in the bank and I know I will get it back without a doubt but I just feel annoyed that shes paying out for luxuries when she owes it.

If she cant pay anything because the kids need shoes/food/dinner money etc then I don't care. Its just the flaming hair thing.

I know if I say anything to her she will get very upset and she's not the strongest person in the world, she gets stressed and upset very easily and I don't want a family fall out about this.

Am I being petty?

19lottie82

Yes it would annoy me, BUT from the sounds of it you have given off the impression you aren't really in dire need of the money back.

tea_lover

swingaloo wrote: »

Am I being petty?

No, she;s taking the p. A genuine emergency is one thing, and delays in paying it back could be forgiven for some things. But not so she can get her hair done and have a night out (while you babysit!!) She's being incredibly rude.

Also, who spends £70 on getting their hair done every 5 weeks???

1DayAAT

It would annoy me massively!

quidsy

Just casually mention when yous ee ehr friday, oh by the way, can you start paying back that loan this week, I need the money as I have "xyz" to pay off soon.

By saying ""oh don't worry" you have created a prescident. Now she thinks she can get away with having you watch her kids whilst she spends up on nights out & hair do's.

swingaloo

So its not just me then. I have given her the impression that there is no rush but that's because I know it will be a struggle for her to pay it back quickly.

She is always struggling money wise but its not lack of income. Its the way she spends.

For instance - Bleach must be Domestos
Loo roll must be Andrex etc. There are no cutting corners.

Ive tried showing her things Ive got cheap but she doesn't seem to try to cut costs and then of course she never has money for emergencies.

I think part of the trouble is that although she's a single divorced mum who works hard she's still trying to live in the way she became accustomed to before the rich husband took off with another woman.

The thing is that if I say anything she will get very defensive and it will be very uncomfortable as she has no one to turn to for help really except me and she doesn't always cope well. She would defiantly have a strop if I said anything.

She gets really bad depression and if I were to end up falling out with her then it would have a knock on effect on the children which I don't want to see happen.

swingaloo

quidsy wrote: »

Just casually mention when yous ee ehr friday, oh by the way, can you start paying back that loan this week, I need the money as I have "xyz" to pay off soon.

By saying ""oh don't worry" you have created a prescident. Now she thinks she can get away with having you watch her kids whilst she spends up on nights out & hair do's.

I appreciate Ive set the precedent. The thing is she knows we have some money in the bank so don't need it desperately at the moment so I cant use your suggestion. I wish I could though.

quidsy

She sounds like a p-taker tbh, using her single mum status to emtionally manipulate people (you)

put it this way, do you spend 70 quid a month on your hair? If the answer is no then get your money back, toughen up your stance towards her or else write it off & know she views you as an easy touch next time she gets herself in a money mess.

jemb

We had the same with the Mother in law. We lent her some money after she split with ex to get her back on her feet, ie deposit/ bond and first months rent and a few £100 for bits she needed. It took us nearly 2 years to get back as she kept saying well I cant afford to pay you this month, but then would go out and photos of nights out, new clothes etc on fb. We were same as we had kind of set a presidence so now we know to say no when she asks. I feel your annoyance though!

swingaloo

quidsy wrote: »

She sounds like a p-taker tbh, using her single mum status to emtionally manipulate people (you)

put it this way, do you spend 70 quid a month on your hair? If the answer is no then get your money back, toughen up your stance towards her or else write it off & know she views you as an easy touch next time she gets herself in a money mess.

yes you are right, its little sister syndrome.

Ive probably been helping her financially and emotionally all her life.

Its not going to be written off though as its a serious amount of money. Its the children that worry me most. If mums not coping the kids get unhappy.

I could slap her sometimes though when I see things shes bought and I know I could get it for half the price.

missindecisive

you are right to be annoyed..she is taking the p##s.