Would this annoy you or am I unreasonable

Rottensocks

swingaloo wrote: »

She is always struggling money wise but its not lack of income. Its the way she spends.

For instance - Bleach must be Domestos
Loo roll must be Andrex etc. There are no cutting corners.

......... She would defiantly have a strop if I said anything.

She gets really bad depression and if I were to end up falling out with her then it would have a knock on effect on the children which I don't want to see happen.

The branded names thingy...wierd isn't it? I can understand it with some things (I personally don't compromise on salad cream brands!) but what possible difference could toilet bleach branding honestly make? Its not like you're gonna eat it!

I think it can be associated with being tight/hard up - some in laws shrink back a little if we say we bought summat at Lidl - as though it might automatically be terrible.


As to the strop thing, and the depression thing.... well yeah, but too bad! It is too too easy to squeeze money out of a rellie and then get touchy when payback is mentioned. I would hazard a guess that this kind of defensiveness has paid off in the past - because people get too afraid to broach the subject again, so you end up not having to pay up.

Personally, I might ask if at the end of the month, could X please set up a small direct debit into your account - that way you're not having to chase for a fiver every week (or whatever sum it is) until; the debt is repaid.

Mrs_Bones

Just say something along the lines off "It will do you good to have a night out and get your hair done. Oh I'm glad to see you're getting back on your feet now money wise. Don't worry about it this week with going out, next week will be soon enough for you to start paying back the (amount) you own me, should we say (name day) and don't overstretch yourself, (amount) will be enough to pay me each week from here on." remember to smile. It will make your point clear enough without giving her anything to argue against.

claire16c

If you think you can't use a specific item or reason to say you need to pay something off soon, either just lie and say it anyway - it doesn't matter if she knows you have some money, she's have to be really rude to say no because of that, or say you need to move some money around as an interest rate on an account you have is about to be changed etc

Or don't make an excuse, just say oh I keep forgetting to give you my bank details so you can set up a standing order to pay me back, here they are, so you mind starting it end of the month?

aileth

You may have given her an impression that there's no urgency, but sounds like she's taking advantage of that and knows it. It would definitely annoy me.

So what if there is no dire need for her to repay it? You did her a huge favour and as such she should repay your kindness by endeavouring to give you it back as fast as possible.

If she has money for a £70(!!) hair treatment, then she would have more than enough to cover kid emergencies and then some.

I'd agree to babysit, but your charging rate will be the repayment of the loan at X sum a week Talk about all take and no give!!

jackieblack

Mrs_Bones wrote: »

Just say something along the lines off "It will do you good to have a night out and get your hair done. Oh I'm glad to see you're getting back on your feet now money wise. Don't worry about it this week with going out, next week will be soon enough for you to start paying back the (amount) you own me, should we say (name day) and don't overstretch yourself, (amount) will be enough to pay me each week from here on." remember to smile. It will make your point clear enough without giving her anything to argue against.

Yes! This ^^^^^^^^

Alikay

Nights out and expensive hairstyling appointments shouldn't ever come before paying back a short-term loan from friends or family, but "don't worry, there's no rush" means different things to different people. You may have meant "don't let your children go without food or shoes to pay me back", she may have heard " relax - pay me back when you've got some money left over".

System

Alikay wrote: »

Nights out and expensive hairstyling appointments shouldn't ever come before paying back a short-term loan from friends or family, but "don't worry, there's no rush" means different things to different people. You may have meant "don't let your children go without food or shoes to pay me back", she may have heard " relax - pay me back when you've got some money left over".

Agreed

I had to borrow some money yesterday from a friend due to an emergency and as soon as I have the money to pay him back he's being paid back. He did actually say don't worry and there's no rush but I hate being in debt to people. I did have plans this weekend but quite frankly can't afford them now and my priority is paying him back. It wouldn't feel right to spend money I essentially owe someone on something as frivolous as a hair appointment or a night out.

Kayalana99

Ack I'm going to put myself in the firing range.

I know my sister through and through and she is exactly the same. I have lent her money, and she still owes me half.

She goes on nights out, has expensive hair do's...nails done the lot.

You know what ? That's who she is, some people prefer to keep money in the bank and others value if their hair is shinier then the neighbors.

Maybe her priority aren't in order but I knew that when I lent her the money - and I know that her looks are really that important to her, I don't need to understand why I just accept that people are different & shes rubbish with her finances anyway n always will be.

BitterAndTwisted

My "don't worry" and "there's no rush" meant the friend I lent a fairly large sum to when she was in absolutely dire straits went on nights out and foreign holidays for TEN YEARS before I saw it back. While I quietly seethed with resentment and indignation. And then I was made to feel like a rotter for reminding her about it. Do not be me!

Quite honestly, I think I'd decline to babysit and most certainly would make the point that if she's got a spare tenner to go out, then that spare tenner should be coming your way if she had any decency or consideration.

richardw

swingaloo wrote: »

...Its the way she spends.

For instance - Bleach must be Domestos
Loo roll must be Andrex etc. There are no cutting corners…..

Take her round you nearest https://www.aldi.co.uk/en/information/useful-information/store-locator/

and try the https://www.aldi.co.uk/en/entertainment/swap-save-challenge/