Would this annoy you or am I unreasonable

FBaby

I think you need to be totally honest with her and tell her that as much as you don't mind lending her money, it still means a lot to you and it does upset you that she feels it is ok to spend her disposable income on going out and getting her hair done before agreeing an amount to repay you.

I personally wouldn't give her the reins in terms of when she can repay you and how much. It is not helping her as she would need to learn that any debts come with an unflexible amount and dates to repay.

I would say to her that you and her need to agree an amount that is the same every month and a day by which she should pay it. If she can't stick to this, then clearly she can't manage loans at all and therefore should be loaned any more money.

repeatoffender

I have an elderly relative in her late 70's who has been like this all of her life. It's the way some people are. She was always immaculate and meanwhile family members paid the electric, gas, rent whatever the crisis was because she was a single parent, struggling emotionally and had kids to think about. She has never taken responsibility and even now on a family outing she will wait for someone else to pay for her - she spent so many years mastering the vulnerable act I think she now believes it :rotfl:

I think mrsbones is so right and you could set up a repayment schedule with a book if it's a large amount of money. My relative never paid anything back. She is a lovely charismatic woman who simply believed that others could afford it and she needed it more.

bagpussbear

I would be niggled by it. But you also need to be firmer about what you want. If someone has £70 to spend on a haircut yet can't be bothered to bung me £20 or something for what they owe me, well I'd want my money back and now!

Tell her that you need x amount by x date so there's no misunderstanding what's expected.

Tanswell88

Oh haribo no. I'd be furious and have said something. I'd be asking for the money back before agreeing to babysit her children!!
Whether you gave the impression you needed the money or not is errelivant. She broke her word of paying you back after Christmas.
I can understand something coming up once maybe at a strech but 3 times? I'd think she was starting to take me as a mug.
Personally, if it was me... I'd get the money back and if she ever asked to borrow again I'd probably tell them no.

dandelionclock30

Its best not to lend anybody money ever unless its a very small sum like £5.00 which you can write off if you dont get it back.
I've never lent out money or borrowed either off anybody and I dont have these problems.

balletshoes

swingaloo wrote: »

I appreciate Ive set the precedent. The thing is she knows we have some money in the bank so don't need it desperately at the moment so I cant use your suggestion. I wish I could though.

how does she know that?

i agree with others here, you are continuing to give her the impression that its okay for her not to start paying you back - you've now told her that how many times since xmas? So why should she worry about paying you back at all?

No point upsetting yourself about it if you're not going to say something to her about it.

minimoneysaver

How on earth does she know you have money in the bank? Why would she know your bank balance?

It doesn't matter why you need the money back. The fact is you should say, "Please can you pay the money back by x date?" Failing that why don't you get her to pay it back as X amount per week until the final balance.

Kynthia

If she was making the agreed repayments then you wouldn't be feeling resentful of her spending money on frivolities. This is why it's best to agree a repayment date or regular schedule. So for the sake of your relationship you need to get the repayments back on track. If possible do this without mentioning her other spending so that she avoids getting defensive, but you're not wrong to ask for your money back.

justme111

You said to her not to worry about when to get it back , now you are backtracking on your words because you disapprove.of her spending.

You have not said "don't worry about when.you get it back as long as your hair cuts are no more than mine are"

I been in your situation , relax, breeze in breeze out , ask her how much she thinks she would be able to pay by a particular date, keep reminding calmly , accept it will probably take you ages to get your money back. I guess you learn the lesson - if you say "don't worry when" people may indeed not worry when and if they are nit sensible with monet it may mean 10 years.layer when they sell the house / get inheritance / redundancy/other winfall.

Better_Days

I do think setting up a direct debit is a good idea, it will mean regular repayments even if the amount is not that large.

I lent my brother some money at the end of last year. I was cautious beccause I have lent him money in the past which wasn't repaid (he was a lot younger then). But there was a very good reason for the family needing the money and it was something that could neither be avoided nor budgeted for.

Before I agreed we discussed repayment. We agreed the amount to be repaid every week (he is paid weekly). He offered to pay interest and even a penalty equal to the outstanding payment if a payment is missed (I didn't agree to this!) We agreed that a week could be missed providing he discussed it with me first.

So far he has not missed a single payment. I think the key to it working out is that we both had a shared understanding at the outset as to how the loan was to be repaid, and the positive influence of my SIL when it comes to financial management.

OP I can understand your irritation and that irritation will rumble under the surface until you address the source. If you don't want to stress out your sister - when she next says she is going to make a repayment, thank her and say something like 'why not set up a DD - it will go out of your bank account and you won't have to worry about it'