OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

Horace

January was a frustrating month and a worrying month mainly due to my dad being ill. February is a bit more of the same but I take pleasures in the simple things, so far I have encouraged two friends (one in Algiers and one in America) to sign up for free courses via the OU and one friend in the UK to do the same.

I try and live each day as though it was my last - having died once already it is not something I wish to experience again until it is my time. I 'died' in the corridor as I was going back to the ward after a major operation and had to be whisked back to the recovery room - I had a bruised chest for weeks afterwards because someone was doing heart compressions on the trolley.:eek:

I am fairly content except for having no job and I try and be optimistic that the situation on that front will change. I don't want to be in a relationship where I have received verbal and mental abuse (my ex OH for the mental abuse and my ex bf for the verbal abuse) - I want to be cared for and the only person that is going to do that is me. Yes, I have had gifts showered on me but gifts often disappeared to be given to another girl as I soon discovered. Still, thanks a bunch for the paid holidays to various ski resorts across Europe - most enjoyable.:D I would like a job that matches my intelligence instead of always having cruddy jobs all the time (sometimes secretarial work can be cruddy) so I have bitten the bullet and applied for a job as a Business Manager with the Ministry of Justice.

I treat myself too, yesterday it was a small cake and a bunch of daffs. I found a small square of chocolate today that I had forgotten about so ate it - it was heavenly. Tomorrow it might be something else.

moneyistooshorttomention

Much food for thought there from everyone and I shall have to go back and have a good re-read later. Off to a bit of countryside conservation work this morning and will then thoroughly read back through.

You have my full admiration Mother Nerd for the way you cope with all the sh*t life throws at you, as you have certainly had a basinful and a half (from the posts you have put up previously).

Life takes a lot of courage to get through sometimes doesn't it....pick self up/put one foot in front of the other to walk forward and repeat...

LavenderBees

Interesting discussion.

I don't think I'm a pessimist, but I'm not an optimist either. I am a realist. I hope for the best, but plan to deal with the worst.

Life is shoite some of the time, beautiful some of the time, just hum drum most of the time.

And thank goodness for that, I say! As someone else has already said, just watch the news to see why we should all be pretty grateful for our lives.

I definitely do not live the life I imagained. When I was a little girl, I had silver sandals and was convinced I was a princess who had been stolen from ther true life (the fact I looked like my Mam, was something I ignored :rotfl:).

But really, I hoped, and believed, I would find a lovely man, have 2.4 children, a white picket fence, and a lovely extended family (no doubt influenced by weekly doses of The Waltons).

What I actually have is a far more solitary life, even when I let people in, past experience has taught me not to to rely on them as they will disappear. The older I get, the more I observe of people, the less I like them. People worry me! :rotfl: Oh, and I have a constant underlying fear that my job, and therefore, my security is going to disappear.

BUT, nonetheless, I try to do the best I can with what life dishes out. I think the key is to try to be content with what you have/do/how life is. Contentment is achievable - a struggle to achieve, but achievable.

Happiness is fleeting, lovely when it happens, but trying to build a "happy" life is doomed to failure in my view. Expectation is far too high.

Thanks for the link on loneliness and solitude. I will read that later. Despite being busy all the time, I do often feel very lonely so maybe a different perspective will help. I hope so.

I don't know anyone who is content with their life - it seems to be that humans are always wanting more/different etc, and I don't just mean material things.

Well, best get on,...I am not content that my weekends disappear so quickly, that's for sure :rotfl:

LB xx

Winter_Phoenix

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

So, have we got anyone "on board" on this thread that feels that overall Life is working out pretty well for them (ie as expected or better than expected and they are pretty happy with how its going by and large)?

I admit to genuine curiosity as to whether anyone has a Life that "comes good" on them and they are genuinely happy with it overall and feel pretty "secure" for it not getting worse on them ever?

To be honest, I'm not sure that being happy/contented has much to do with whether life is giving you everything that you could possibly want. There are plenty of wealthy, famous, successful, beautiful people who end up in rehabilitation units because of alcohol abuse, or in the mortuary after drug overdoses.

There's a saying which goes something like, "Happiness is not having what you want - it's wanting what you have."

You can look over your life and see the failures, the lacks, the mistakes, the unhappy relationships, the missed promotions, the wrong choices, the humiliations, the sicknesses and pain. Or you can look over your life and see the good things - your talents, your successes, the things which brought you joy, your lucky escapes, the kindness of strangers, your days of good health, your occasional compliments, your everyday pleasures like a tasty meal or good weather. IMHO, it's your choice which you focus on.

My life has definitely not worked out as I hoped and planned, and I would certainly never have willingly signed up for some of its catastrophes and dramas. But my clouds have all had silver linings (not always apparent until much later, of course!), so yes, I'd say that on the whole I'm content-verging-on-happy

moneyistooshorttomention

Good points Phoenix.

I've often read about people who seemed to have everything - money/looks/etc and then "blown it" one way or another. Maybe they've lost all the money/turned into druggies or alcoholics/etc.

I sit there astonished every time I read an account of someone having loadsamoney and then blown it and the next thing you know is they are destitute. I understand how destitute can happen from job problems/etc and difficulty in earning a reasonable income in the first place. I don't understand how anyone can go from Riches to Rags courtesy of being self-destructive though. I tend to think "If I had loads...then I would still have loads now". Well...okay...amend that to "I would give a lot to charity...but I would make sure I kept enough to be certain I was comfortable/secure myself".

Sometimes it is down to peoples choices isn't it?

More food for thought there....

and, on that note, it was a good Countryside Conservation session yesterday. Good weather/good company (in the main..)/we did a good job of work. More lined-up soon..

On quite a different tack...much amusement inadvertently thrown in, as I've been told just how much some peoples opinions of Madam Neighbour (ie source of much grief since coming here) varies from her own opinion of herself. Turns out she is very much one of those "Do you know who I AM?" type people (errrr....that would be Nobody then....would it?) and has been telling me a bunch of porkies about how well she got on with others and I am (according to her) the problem. I was vastly cheered-up by finding that out and it was good to have a bit of a laugh too courtesy of that...ie finding out just how inflated a sense of self-importance she has being well known.

Byatt

I can't say my life experiences have produced silver linings, by any stretch of the imagination. I could quite happily have done without the things that have had severe effect on my well being. I do try for contentment or peace of mind, but with on going issues, it's often hard, especially financial, and constantly juggling uses up immense energy which I would love to use for other things.

I've always had a problem when I'm told I have a choice...yes, when I feel strong, buoyant, and able to have some level of control over the things happening to me...but when I am weakened and overwhelmed there is no real choice except to keep keeping on. Thinking there are others worse off doesn't help, being grateful for what I have, doesn't help.

I have a low bar for being happy, so it's not like I want riches and holidays and such. I am ok with the home I have now, small as it is. I'm ok with my cheap, basic car...I'm mostly ok with most things. I would love to earn a bit more just so a crisis with funds doesn't become an amazing juggling act.

I guess writing this makes me realise I'm okish, and that's fine...

Horace

Today was unexpected - I was supposed to go on a walk leader training course today but I overslept by a goodly amount and missed it:mad: I did not sleep well at all and in fact felt as though I didn't sleep at all due to the chavvy neighbours' dogs barking all night. I could quite easily have done those dogs and their owners a mischief last night...grr. Still my day was not wasted as I managed to make some inroads into the organisation of the family fun day in August.

My gippy tummy is settling down with liberal doses of ginger biscuits.

Spent time looking out of the window watching the squirrels play tig.

Need to be up at 7am and on the bus by 8am to get into town for 9am, the bus I get takes the scenic route but it is the one that drops me closest to where I have to be.

mum2one

With the talk of the what ifs past etc, theres parts i think i would to change, but on the other hand theyve made me into the person I am, good bad and inbetween.

I wish I was in a dfferent place when i had car accident no 2, as that literally shaped the rest of my life, but on a positive it made me open my eyes to the world and travel.

I would have changed a few bits in terms of I should have stood up for myself at times, i never wanted confrontation, I just wanted to be accepted... maybe I was looking at things differently.

I look bad at relationships, friendships, and it boils I always try to do the best for everyone, almost to scared to move forward as I felt guilty and was I at fault with the situation, I know now i wasn't but at the time, I just wanted to be wanted.

It was weird I went to see a friend last week, took DD with me, we were laughing about old times, I've known her for 27 yrs... and she was telling DD about how i would never go abroad, the thought of not going to Devon would have been a major crisis... Joked that it was her fault i fell in love with Tunisia, as she'd been to Tunisia and Turkey, only wanted to go to an area where she'd been. Tunisia was the resort, been about 18times now DD it was her first holiday abroad to Tunisia, shes fallen in love with the area as well.

Me, i feel like I'm a slow go at the mo, there stuff I need to do just can't motivate myself, sorted some bill out earlier, rang Sky and got cheaper deal on sports and movies, was going to get rid of them, but dad watches the sports, feel quilty taking that away, thou a positive on 6 mth free broadband it balances out.

I think its the Monday blues....

hoping to be productive - want to start tackling some of the "spring cleaning2 and gutting stuff, plan is to ebay and sellers page some stuff. Got to get it done by the weekend.

Hope everyone ok xxx

Horace

It has been one of those days today. I arrived at the place in good time and was kept hanging about for 15 minutes whilst the staff faffed about (I hate tardiness). In the end, I gathered with 5 others in a room and we went through what we are supposed to be doing and then it was on to individual meetings.

Despite already doing voluntary work in my local community it is deemed unsuitable and I have been told to give it up - well I am not:mad: I was told that I was difficult to place because of my disabilities so I asked them to advise the jobcentre about that fact. Anyway, I have to do 30 hours a week at a youth empowerment project but not actually working with the youths or kids (I have been told to expect to do street cleaning) and I start on Monday. I have to work from 9-5pm with half an hour for lunch, on Tuesday afternoons from 1-5pm I have to go to the centre for 4 hours job search. I have to ask permission to go to the hospital too and show proof of the appointments. I am allowed to sign on and then go into the placement afterwards at least that Friday will end up being a half day for me.

Spoke to mum on the phone tonight - she isn't pleased at all especially as I have to walk into an area of Brum that isn't exactly the safest (I will root out my attack alarm). One thing that I have realised is that it is almost next door to the place where my ex husband works (I hope I don't bump into him). She muttered about me coming off the dole and she and dad trying to find the money to keep me going. I am even considering setting up as a virtual assistant but need to find out more about it. Can I do it on a shoestring?

At least the centre have given me some scratchy bus tickets for next week and they refunded my bus fare today. They told me to go and walk and find the place but by the time I came out, I was frozen (I had a woolly cardigan on over some trousers and a top and my coat but no hat nor scarf) so I caught the bus home.

This afternoon, I have done some washing and washed my warm hoodie, matching t-shirt and my winter weight hiking trousers which are fleece lined as this is the kind of stuff I have to wear when I go to the placement.

Mum told me that I had been given incorrect information and that I should check the number of hours I had to work for my dole money (30hrs for £72.00 per week is a joke really). I found some documentation online from the government for the charities and social enterprises that are providing the placements and it is full of derogatory terms to describe those on job seekers allowance such as 'lacks motivation'; I can understand the 'lack of experience' but that lack of motivation is really nasty in my opinion. Alas I have to do the 30hrs on placement and 4hrs job search. I also wish I wasn't being pigeonholed because I keep being asked what I want to do - I will do secretarial, I will do retail but I am expected to pick one or the other. Excuse me having a grumble and thinking out loud.

Next week the slow cooker will be working overtime LOL.

moneyistooshorttomention

Errrmm...so what has youth empowerment got to do with street cleaning? - or am I missing something here?:cool:

Re any possible thoughts of coming off the dole = generous of your parents to offer, but not advisable I think. For one thing = would you get your N.I. stamp credited still? Answer = probably not.

You'd also feel obligated to your parents (and at a well-into-adult age too).

I'd say you've had your independence for too long now for that to even be an option on the table personally.

I'd have gone up the wall if any comment had been made that seemed to include me, like the "lacks motivation" one when I've been unemployed before now. They would have darn soon had a comment back about "Please tell me just where ARE all these jobs I am supposed to be applying for. I thought I'd found them all out for myself, but I must have missed some, and would be pleased if you can tell me if there are any lurking around to apply for that might have escaped my notice" and I'm not sure whether that would have been said in a sarcastic or neutral tone of voice:cool:.

I admit to wondering where they get some of their statistics from. The other day I just caught onto the tag-end of a radio comment about average person claiming unemployment benefit for 2 months and thought "Like how? When I've been unemployed (back in the 1980s at that) I've had a couple of spells that were noticeably longer than that." I was astonished myself as to just how long I turned out to be unemployed for back then and that was with me living in a city (ie not some "tiny tumbleweed town"). I guess the operative words here though are "claiming benefit for being unemployed", rather than "being unemployed" per se.

I don't get the being pigeonholed either. I was asking for secretarial jobs back along myself, but there might have been jobs in other categories I would have asked for and I wouldn't have wanted to be ruled out (as I have done jobs in a couple of other categories before now).