OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

mothernerd

A lesbian friend of mine did go to one of our old school reunions and tried to persuade a number of us to go to one (a group of us self-styled 'Grammar school survivors' were in the pub one day) on the grounds that it was our school as much as theirs - the gushing air-kissers who tend to frequent the things. Wasn't persuaded though.

My social phobia is coming out in force. Mum has had an invite to an event to celebrate one of my cousin's 60th birthday. Invite is for mum and her partner, me and me three sons and my brother and his two daughters. So most likely mum, her partner and me actually going - DS1 might but would expect to take his gf. Cousin lives at the other end of the country so this is for relatives who still live here (family's original base).

Mum has assumed I will be going. There are some people I would quite like to see (cousins and an aunt who I haven't seen since DS2's 21st/ my brother's funeral so 7 or 8 years) but the largest group of people I have been in for the last two years was eleven and sometimes Friday at mum's (up to 7 adults and 2 children) is too much.

I have been trying to work through it bit by bit. Money shouldn't be an issue. I think my cousin is paying for the meal and mum has said she will pay for us if not. Mum would probably pay for the taxi there and back. So just drinks - and the problems of continually explaining to my family that I'm fine with fizzy water. I have never drunk much but on a family occasion like this I have been known to have Guine$$ shandy or dry Martin-ee with lemonade but since my diabetes diagnosis those are off limits.

In 4 weeks I should be reaching the end of my rehabilitation period so no crutches to contend with and could possibly have lost a little more weight but my wardrobe is fairly sparse and not sure if another four weeks will allow enough improvement to wrestle with thick tights. Bedsocks and grey 'suede look but scratched' walking boots is a difficult look to get away with and further restricts my choices to the full length black skirt I am currently wearing which is getting past it's best. Long socks in a dark green might work if I can find some (= possible choice of two dresses). Even so might need help with dressing.

So its just talking to people and lots of people. The people I most want to see (if they attend) are fairly easy. They always want to know everything and you just have to give answers, they don't do long pauses (sometimes verges on interrogation). On the other hand there is 'big mouth' cousin who is always boasting (especially about how wonderful he is).

We did make a pact 18 years ago that we should get together and celebrate more often as we were reaching the age where we would only meet at funerals. I haven't been able to attend a couple of family weddings because of the cost.

Any advice welcome.

moneyistooshorttomention

Horace wrote: »

Money - sorry to hear that your nfh is up to her old tricks again - can't that woman get a life? Spiteful old witch!

.

A very apt comment/description.

You're the third person in pretty quick succession now to call her a witch to me and, by now, I am seriously wondering actually.

She seems to be a chapel-goer...but that doesn't necessarily mean owt.......as I am in a part of the country where there is a "strong thread" of that sort of thing in the atmosphere. On with rational/logical/20th & 21st century head......

But I am determined to continue with my focus on Getting A Life Together for myself here...getting to know people/getting into activities and generally lining-up places to go/people to meet/etc.

MOTHERNERD
Got any good charity shops near you? ie re the clothes aspect of this at any rate...

Re the talking to people...a pretty failsafe way of getting a comment from people you've been talking to for a while as to "How nice to meet you" and/or "what an interesting person you are" is to ask them about themselves and then just keep asking more questions about themselves, interjected with comments asking them how they felt about whatever-it-is that happened to them. It IS actually quite interesting/enlightening to hear the comments about their lives quite often too.

dizzybuff

So ive had a !!!!! of a week , from an altercation verbally with a member of the public , then two days later having a panic attack whilst driving trying to control it. im in a state of anxiety and just want everything to be over rather than having to wait. actually feel im gong to loose it .


if a situation happens I could loose a job prospect . im so worried , im not eating properly .

mum2one

Dizzy - hope things improve over the weekend, u need to take care xx

mothernerd

dizzybuff try to take a step back and relax (I know that isn't easy). Try to deal with what is in front of you rather than letting the anxiety spiral out of control.

MITSTM I am aware that conversation is a two way street and that I am very bad at it. Had a minor panic attack this morning trying to remember the names of my cousins' children and working out rough ages of children I last saw as 5 year olds, who are now in their mid twenties. The birthday cousin's niece married a much older man and takes care of his children as well as the two they have had together, so she is possibly a grandma already, although I think she's only about 33/34 - don't have a clue on names of the older ones.

Invite says 1pm to sit down for the meal at 2pm, so think an hour of milling about - Mum will insist on being there on the dot of one, if not sooner (She told everyone I wanted people to be at my house for 7pm at my 40th, when I was expecting the majority of them to turn up when the pubs closed).

I am also deaf in one ear but generally adapted, but I get stressed when I am not free to choose the 'right' place to sit (so I can hear people properly/ lipread) or where the background noise is too high (I have been accused of sulking or scowling when I am just trying to follow a conversation - because I manage so well most of the time, people forget).

Think we will need to find quiet corner to sit in - none of us can stand for long. Then I will just smile and nod along to anyone who comes to speak to mum until I work out who they are. Mum's partner won't know or care who anyone is (must remember not to sit near a window or we will have running commentary on aeroplanes or comments on people approaching the building) as he has Alzheimer's. He will probably sit with his hat and coat on as soon as he has finished his meal and sulk if we don't take him home at once.

Ah well all good family fun.

Horace

Dizzy - you need to eat and take care of you. Sorry you have had a bad week but you won't always have bad weeks. Having altercations with members of the public can be unnerving - I sometimes have them and often feel quite shaky afterwards (this is usually in the park when people don't clear up after their pooches).

This morning I went to SW and have lost half a pound - my weight is coming off slowly either in lb or half pound increments but I refuse to be disheartened when I hear that others who have more weight to lose than me are losing 6 or 7lb each week. My view is that they are more likely to put the weight back on instead of maintaining when they reach their target.

I have been reading the rules and regulations surrounding events today - I will have to sit down with a plan before I do the more complex one that needs a temporary event licence as well as a music licence. My head feels full of heavy cotton wool with the amount of information it has tried to absorb today.

It is very cold here today - it was white with frost this morning. I won't be going out again today.

moneyistooshorttomention

Altercations with members of the public = I wish territory for me this week (as in it would be a sight easier for me personally to deal with than trying to avoid one with someone else in a set-up that involves them too - ie rather than them being a stranger iyswim).

Personally, I avoid having any altercations with strangers, ie even if I am thinking "You what....?!!!" and just give them "A Look" and move swiftly on (ie if I can see they've seen me looking a bit shocked at their Bad Behaviour). I take a Life is Too Short view re strangers personally (even the most loutish).

There is a "thing" going on right now with someone who is clearly absolutely determined to do some voluntary work for a group I am also involved in (and it does rather look as if this person is doing it for their own personal sake only and doesn't actually care about the group as a whole iyswim). This person couldn't give a monkeys about the "welfare" of the group as a whole, as far as I can make out, and those of us affected by them are trying to figure out how best to deal with them. Me = I certainly don't want to know, as I have quite enough on my plate with trying to deal with nfh next door and one Awkward Biddy at a time feels like a lot to deal with, without having to deal with any others. I'm on Avoidance Strategy personally with this particular person and will do my best to steer as well clear as I possibly can of them, if only to save the risk of me telling them "what for" for being like this (more a certainty, than a risk in my case:rotfl:).

Fingers crossed that we can find a way to deal with this person one way or another and can "get on with the blimmin' work" we all actually volunteered for, as they are proving to be such a disruptive influence. Personally, I have just stated I want to be well away from anything to do with them...but I can see its being deemed a Group Endeavour to deal with how best to handle them..so what can I do and I am (very reluctantly) prepared to take part in group effort to solve this group problem we have:(. Ohgawd must I? <sighs>

Right now...I can see that there are a couple of people who are getting so upset by Miss Awkward Biddy that they might end up throwing in the towel and leaving the group. My personal view is Miss AB is making me feel upset, but I will "soldier on" and avoid them as far as possible. I can see Miss AB has the potential to blow the whole thing apart...and that does concern me. I'm trying to figure out why they are this way and think its a combination of they think they are Someone Special and they are on a "personal crusade" to do with stuff that is very much past history (ie because it happened many many years ago now = is totally irrelevant...so why are they dragging us into their feelings about this? gawdknows....as I certainly don't....move on..its the 21st century would about sum up my view personally).

Horace

Money - does your voluntary group have an odious job to do that no-one wants? If so give that task to Awkward Old Biddy. Just don't tell her that it is an onerous job and that she has the responsibility for it - it will make her feel a bit special but at least if she is off doing that job then she isn't bothering the rest of you. If this approach doesn't work then a senior someone will have to take the Old Biddy by the horns and tell it to her straight that none of you can work with her and that you want her to leave.

I have been compiling a list of people to contact and finding names and addresses because we want to ask some of the local supermarkets to donate some Easter Eggs. Need to make contact with a local scout or guide group to find out if they have to do a community badge or something and if they would be willing to help with the Easter Egg Challenge. Lots of contacts to be made and need to find out if they need to be paid too. I love this bit of event organising.

Thinking about what to have for dinner too. Best crack on I guess but I also have to write to the council and sort out my SA.

mum2one

another baking afternoon, dd went swimming and into town with her friends, so quietish afternoon, baked chicken, cider and mushroom casserole, beef in red wine beef, mushroom and veg casserole.

squeezed in a plum and pear crumble, thou cheated slightly and used packet crumble mix. xx

dizzybuff

Kids been hyper all day. Sorted swimming lessons, fed kids. Come off fb for a week. Feel premenstral. Bought beer aim to have one tonight. Feel like I'm a littlenworm on a big !!!!!!! hook.