OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

moneyistooshorttomention

mum2one wrote: »

The Diana night - the night she died I was coming home from a nightclub, then the day of the furneral, same nightclub and my then boyfriend - decided to propose right in the middle of the nightclub, he'd asked the DJ to clear the floor so he could do the deed I ended having to say yes, (thou we'd only been together 4 weeks), free bottle bubbly, next day I changed my mind....

I saw him a few yrs later, by then I'd changed jobs, had DD, he'd left the job as well, (we worked together at the time), and he was not out of the closet.. which explained a lot at the time.... and he thought I could have turned him! xx

Now that's quite an interesting tale. I know the initial reaction of many to one of those very public proposals some people go in for is "How romantic". Personally, I've often wondered what the person on the receiving end of the proposal is supposed to do if they don't actually want to accept it. Lovely, of course, if the receiver has been hoping avidly for a proposal and is delighted to receive it of course. However, it feels like a bit of a pressurising type thing to do to me and I would rather resent receiving a "Big Public Proposal", as it would feel like the man was pressuring me to accept. Fortunately, the proposals I have received (and obviously turned down..as we know..:rotfl:) over the years have been "private" ones and I felt able to come straight back with my refusal without embarrassment to anyone.

EDIT: Ooh Calico...and people think I can be feisty if I need to be LOL. Hmmm...now if I could add you into the mix of dramatis personae in my little bit of Wales right now the sparks might really go flying bigtime. I've told a couple of people "what for" in no uncertain terms that richly deserved it re my home situation recently. However, the happy thought for this morning here is "Push me too much maties and any further attempts to treat me unfairly might well get met by me selling the house and dont't all rejoice at once...because I would get a MUCH better price than I paid for it and I know just how to do so and you won't be very pleased to find out just who the buyer would be" (ie just how much disruption there would be for quite a while, as a developer built a noticeable number of tiny "box houses" here courtesy of having possession of the lynchpin house - ie mine). I've done a bit of lateral thinking here and I think I can see a way through to selling this house if they pushed me and then laughing all the way to the bank...guess that means they might prefer the "devil they know" (thoughts in their mind of "Damn her...the last thing we wanted was a fair-minded fighter of a neighbour buying that house"......LOL). I don't agree with knocking down perfectly decent houses and selling for the sake of profit...but push this gal too hard and muck up her nice little haven in "quiet little Wales" (yeh...right....) and she'd do so to have the last laugh and get herself out of the situation, and the profit would be incidental (but very welcome, courtesy of the amount of money I would need to buy an equivalent place back in Home Area and I'd then have a genuine free choice as to where to live) and head back with enough material to write a whole set of novels...

<Shake hands with me Sista Calico>

ellie99

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Now that's quite an interesting tale. I know the initial reaction of many to one of those very public proposals some people go in for is "How romantic". Personally, I've often wondered what the person on the receiving end of the proposal is supposed to do if they don't actually want to accept it. Lovely, of course, if the receiver has been hoping avidly for a proposal and is delighted to receive it of course. However, it feels like a bit of a pressurising type thing to do to me and I would rather resent receiving a "Big Public Proposal", as it would feel like the man was pressuring me to accept.

Totally agree with you, I would hate a "big public proposal"...not that there's much chance of that happening, I think I need a man for that lol.

Even if the "askee" wants to get married it can go wrong...I know a couple, he decided to ask her to marry him at a large gathering...she was embarrassed, gobsmacked, wondered if he was having her on (obviously a little drink had been taken by then) and she didn't answer right away. He was really upset and left the room (he'd expected an instant yes) and her friends had to convince her he was serious, and she had to go and find him and sort it out.

That's something else I don't like...the man telling all their friends he was going to propose, so they all knew apart from her. No, no, no, it's private, she should be the first to know!

Luckily they're happily married now

moneyistooshorttomention

I can also understand the "telling someone else before me" scenario of proposals being upsetting too.

Someone who I had been wanting to propose to me had told his family before telling me. Long story about all of that...but I was not happy, as I was the first one who should have known about it.

Anyway, I ended the relationship and it was partly because the "appropriate person" (ie me) hadn't been the first to know.

In the event, the decision to end that relationship was absolutely the right decision to make.

3forholidays

Re: Big Public Proposals - I'd need a man for one of these as well Ellie. :rotfl: I don't like being the centre of attention so a public proposal is my worst nightmare.

3forholidays

Being a single woman of 30 I have to face up to the fact that I might never meet someone to share my life with and put my 'house' in order for the future.

I've recently bought a house but will in the future have to replace the boiler (currently about 14 years old), the windows (all double glazed but have been done at different times so don't match) and the kitchen (would prefer an induction hob and eye level oven) which will probably result in the rest of the house being redecorated as well! I better get saving to afford all that on a single income!

When I say 'in the future' I currently don't know what the future is as I live in Scotland. :eek: I've got to vote on Thursday! Can anyone see into the future? :eek:

3forholidays

JKS I think that the guest house should have honoured your booking as you had booked first. Don't let this bad experience put you off taking short breaks.

JustKeepSwimming_2

Thanks to everyone who has posted wishing me well - it is so much appreciated.

I've felt quite fragile since it happened, & am really not looking forward to go back to work tomorrow. Still my resolve has been fortified to take my day off promised at the start of the academic year that I haven't yet been able to take off as we're too busy. I shall not be going in even if I know its leaving others in the smelly stuff (this is the part I'm struggling with - I work with a lovely team & we all muck in together to gte what rewlly is too much work for us all done. But we've all agreed that management have taken us for granted for too long, & we're not going to stay late anymore etc.).

My work colleagues aren't all vile - I'm just the only singlie in a team of 25. None of them have ever been divorced, none have ever been single parents & all of them have been married for much longer than I've been working there, so I am rather different to them in their eyes. I think the mix at work is quite unusual - practically every other place I've worked in has had a mix of singlies/previously divorced but remarried people etc. I don't think they meant their comments to be quite so hurtful; they just see themselves as all being one way & me being the opposite.

Makes socialising with them fun - not. In fact, I'm not going on the Xmas do this year as I don't want to spend it with lots of couples, talking about couply things. They are all actually really nice people, so I must sound like a total biatch :rotfl:

Regarding the B&B - I spoke to the broker who said I couldn't do a lot since I hadn't lost out financially, as I'd not paid anything for the room. They agreed it wasn't nice, but wouldn't do anything about it. I'm not on Faceache or Twitter & don't intend joining, so that's out. I did ring the B&B again & say I thought it was very unbusiness-like, but the chap couldn't give two hoots. His get out clause was "If I wanted bl**dy single people I'd have single rooms, wouldn't I? We only do double or twin rooms, so we only want couples, don't we. Are you thick?" roared down the phone before he hung up.

Didn't get the chance to say they detail single supplements on their website... Also don't fancy putting anything on Trip Advisor - too scared in case he comes after me as he knows my address etc.

If I didn't have so much other shoite to shovel just now I'd take it further, but I'm overwhelmed by life just now & can't see some things getting better for some time. I need to choose my battles (like having a toddler again :rotfl:).

Will try & catch up later - hugs to all & thanks again!

moneyistooshorttomention

The b*stard, throwing in an insult as well. Mygawd, that isn't an uncommon tactic I know myself, and I personally take huge delight in telling them the proof that I am VERY far from "thick" personally:D. In my experience so far I've found that people who act so verbally aggressive tend to do so because they don't have any other "weapons" to hand and therefore resort to threatening verbal stuff. Little match for intelligence and loads of "contacts" imo.

Don't be fazed by one little *****. Poetic justice would dictate he's in for a divorce himself and then he'll know just how we feel at being discriminated against like this. I'm thinking of a man I knew right now (former supervisor of mine at work actually) and he had much the same attitude and I felt sorry for his wife and wondered when the divorce would be.

I understand your reservations about posting up reviews, as he knows your address. My own personal take on that would be that he has almost certainly thrown it away by now. Even if he has kept it, I would tend to think "Oh yes...you and whose army?" and think it very very unlikely indeed he would try for a comeback at you. Most people like that are cowards. I have one as a neighbour, but I'm still standing up to them regardless.

Good luck ..whatever you decide.

ellie99

JustKeepSwimming wrote: »

His get out clause was "If I wanted bl**dy single people I'd have single rooms, wouldn't I? We only do double or twin rooms, so we only want couples, don't we. Are you thick?" roared down the phone before he hung up.

Good grief JKS, not much consolation but I think you had a lucky escape there...imagine if he hadn't cancelled your booking and you'd gone along to his B&B expecting to enjoy your break away, and he voiced some of his opinions of single people daring to travel on their own to you...and you having to pay for the privilege of being in his house!
He sound a right nasty individual. He was happy enough to keep your booking in reserve until he got a better offer.

Eurgh, still angry on your behalf. If you did post on trip advisor I don't think he'd have any comeback apart from replying on there, but I can understand your reluctance, sometimes it's better to draw a line under things and move on.

I hope your colleagues are sympathetic when you tell them what happened..might make them realise that singlies are sometimes treated unfairly.

When you decide to try again maybe you could ask on here if anyone knows of a good establishment in the area you've chosen?
Or try self catering (not sure how that would be price-wise, but out of season is often reasonable). I've done SC too, it's good because you're completely free to do what you want, but of course there's no one to chat too like there can be in a B&B.

Byatt

Well, he's a real charmer JKS, what a people person!

Just imagine staying at his B&B...:eek:...

I actually want to put a review on Tr!p advisor, but understand how you have enough to deal with at the moment. But the offer's there, I have a good imagination!

All us singlies need to band together and inundate him with bookings which we then all cancel.

I don't understand the broker's attitude really, as money may not have changed hands but a contract was made, plus you could not really book somewhere else in the time.