OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

moneyistooshorttomention

Hiya Byatt,

Well...do look forward to that holiday wont ya?:)

Volunteering is a thing worth persisting with imo. I'm volunteering for a couple of different places here and 'tis proving well worthwhile. Bit of a sense of purpose on the one hand and its proving a good way to meet all sorts of people on the other hand and have duly got on friendly terms with a cross-section right across Welsh society by now. I met "diamond of friend" I've met since coming here in a different context and several others, but volunteering is certainly proving pretty useful for that too.

I hate soya milk too or soya anything, so it might be worth you trying rice milk instead (one brand I am not keen on, another I quite like).

MummyBobble

Byatt. I've been involved in volunteering with my children's pre-school (three of us worked our socks off and got National Lottery funding for a new building :j), helping in primary school, and now the PTA at high school. All very satisfying and have made some lovely new friends along the way. (I've even ended up doing two sponsored abseils and a zip wire to raise funds and anybody that knows me knows that that is not the sort of thing I do - I did them without my glasses on so that I couldn't see what I was actually doing :eek:)

There is (for me) an element of selfishness about it I suppose. I suffer from depression and low self-esteem, so it improves my mood when I feel I am doing something useful to help others. As MSTM says, it gives a sense of purpose. DD has grown up seeing what I do and is always keen to help others (for the last three years she came into my primary school whenever she was off and I was in work to help and worked with groups of children. I was in year 6 and she spent hours the night before we finished baking cakes for them all, decorating them and then icing each child's name onto their own cake) Guess that makes it a win-win all round!

We have a local group that works with all the voluntary organisations. If you have something similar they may know who are looking for volunteers.

Hey ho, a busy Tuesday night coming up with DD doing tennis and DS doing footy training, tennis, followed by more footy training...

Horace

A trip to Italy sounds fab Byatt. You will love it.

Reading about your cat made me chuckle although I am not a cat person (I am actually scared of them) I do like watching Simon's Cat and have subscribed to his Youtube channel.

I have volunteered for a few places in the past, now I volunteer in my local community as Chair of the Friends group for my local park. It is the toughest job and not much fun when folks start screeching at you about music festivals or dog poo. Then there are those that like to criticise yet when approached to spare an hour or two all of a sudden they are too busy. Anyway, I am taking a lead on what will be a huge project for the park to create a sculpture trail consisting of some permanent and some temporary pieces - the park manager suggested it. The folks that run the local art project have offered to help with the funding bid and will be advising us plus we want it to be a community effort with folks helping to create some of the sculptures. Projects like this can be fun.

Previously, I have worked in a charity shop but they wanted me to commit to every Saturday but I couldn't so was never invited back, I have also worked as a volunteer friend for local blind people, I saw one lady who then couldn't understand why I was there and felt that she had been forced to accept a visitor - I mentioned this to the charity with whom I was working and they checked and this lady then said she didn't know what I was talking about (I haven't been back since).

Volunteering is great for boosting confidence and self-esteem (believe it or not but I have also had mental health problems and doing something for somebody else helps take your mind off things).

moneyistooshorttomention

MummyBobble wrote: »

There is (for me) an element of selfishness about it I suppose. I suffer from depression and low self-esteem, so it improves my mood when I feel I am doing something useful to help others. As MSTM says, it gives a sense of purpose.

I fully agree there is indeed an element of selfishness (I would call it "enlightened self-interest") in volunteering. There are people who go into volunteering because its a chance (in their minds) to look like Somebody Important:cool: and you can soon enough pick out who they are and ignore them. That happens. But most people who go into it are after a bit of interest/a chance to help the community and yes those "enlightened self-interest" things of helping your own mood and making some new friends. I think I've probably always had a baseline slightly depressed mood that I have to try and "keep my head above". In the main, its done by reminding myself that that's "just an emotion" and I shouldn't ever take account of my emotions unless I want to and it makes sense to do so.

It does give that "sense of purpose" though to feel you are doing your bit for the community and helping keep valuable community facilities going, as well as the personal thing of making new friends (I've now made friends right through the spectrum from "hippies" to members of the Welsh Assembly and like that fact, because I like to know a wide range of people from all backgrounds etc). I don't mind talking about "earth energies" one minute/farming the next/ordinary everyday life the next and Government policies the next.

It sure helps to take your mind off those people you don't wish to know but get lumbered with in your life (I may be thinking of Little Sod Neighbour there.....:rotfl:).

EDIT: Just gone and googled the Wikipedia entry for "enlightened self-interest" and yep...I don't remember the book I read many years ago about it, but I sure remember the basic idea.

mum2one

Wow reading the above post I felt like someone had reached in and got my thoughts it was the reason why I helped out on the PTA and gov at daughters old school wanted to give something back and also guess feel some self worth as when I was writing to businesses for donations for raffle prizes it wasn't me they were judging they knew nothing about me so I didn't get the sympathy vote but I was treated as a real person that I had some value - must have worked as I got prizes worth 400 to 800 quid: there are the parents there that do it because they think they are the big I am but when the nitty gritty comes and there's a bit of work to be done there the first to disappear from the event.

At my daughters 1st school they reinvented the PTA - and the first couple meeting there was 30 parents all wanting the chairman type role then after one or two meeting numbers dropped till it was the 4 of us, another thing this isn't meant to sound awful as I know teachers do work hard but as a PTA the funds are being raised for the kids/ the classes but asking for 2 days a yr help for summer and winter fayre was like asking for their pay packet... Yet at the school dd sent her yr 5 and 6 at the different was amazing teachers run the disco, helped at events the head came to PTA meetings , under those you don't mind putting a bit of effort to help them .

Xx

Horace

There is someone on our committee who is like that - in it for the kudos but doesn't actually do anything. I get excuses that she is too busy with work and the kids (she is not a single parent) and she only works part time. It has fallen onto my shoulders to look after the FB page, the website, arrange committee meetings, speak to suppliers of activities, speak to the council, source funding. She is going to have a shock at our committee meeting next week because she will be asked to write to all the local businesses to see if they would be willing to pay to advertise on our website (we have reasonable rates), she will also be creating a survey on survey monkey.

I do it because I want to give something back to my local community. It helps my mental wellbeing and I get to learn new skills - bid writing for instance. The local arts project has said they will help me put in a funding bid to the heritage lottery for around £100K to put a sculpture trail in our park. It would be great to get that.

Have a great day all - and if you have a day off get out there in the lovely sunshine.

moneyistooshorttomention

That's when it matters ...ie in voluntary work...and I would rather feel happy with myself personally...because I have seen a "main person" type volunteer is feeling rather ill/rather busy...and I have just happened to pop in and see how they are doing (ie because I can see they are in it for genuine reasons and are feeling a bit "pushed" at the moment for whatever reason) and offer a bit of a help-out they weren't expecting at that moment to help them keep on going through.

Even if they turn it down and just say "Thank you for offering, but I'm fine", then you've done your bit and hopefully someone will do the same back for you if they see that you are a bit "pushed" at some point for whatever reason.

That's how it works isn't it? imo anyway.

By and large the type of person who goes in for this sort of thing is a pretty decent sort of person and just trying to do their little bit....but sometimes Life Happens and its a bit hard for them to do it just at that moment in time(ie whether the "Life Happens" stuff that is distracting them is personal ill-health, ill health of someone close, whatever...

.......

But, hey, what do I know and that's just my take on things and right now the adrenaline is still flowing from the fact that I've given a verbal "punch in the face" to one or two people who very richly deserved it today (eg for trying to step on people - including myself personally - and were generally taking the Michael - so, right now, I'm pretty pleased with myself for standing up for myself and others and making my point - GO ME!).

Today = The Mouse Roared...

grousescot

I'm afraid the last couple of days I've come home with a bad case of feeling useless and massively demotivated. I really hate episodes like this because there are no major life crises or problems to cause this - it just seems to be all-pervasive sometimes. It's probably as well I've had dinner pre-prepared as I'd have resorted to cheese on toast instead.
Ugh.

Well OU study materials arrived today. I've had a skim through the introductory stuff to check what's what and even dug out one of my old textbooks from the bookcase (where it has remained undisturbed for about two years) to refresh my memory. Tomorrow I'm actually going to pick up a writing implement and do some revision work as the course doesn't officially start until beginning of October. I can feel some long-neglected neurons beginning to fire up again so I guess that's positive. Hopefully something to focus on when I have another "ugh" episode.

Money How did you go about doing your mouse roaring? Did you have something prepared to say or were you able to come up with it on the spot? I've had a couple of occasions (at work) where looking back I should have stood up for myself but my self-confidence completely left me. Months later of course I've got exactly what I should have said all scripted in my head. Gah.

I have a 4-day weekend coming up and am determined to do something productive with it - decluttering is first on the list. I've booked a haircut for early Friday morning deliberately choosing the time so I won't be able to let myself lie in and waste half the day.

Off now before I turn into a pumpkin!

moneyistooshorttomention

Mouse-roaring = I'd "seen them coming" basically and thought through what they might say/do/etc and prepared replies and realised they thought I was a doormat and wouldn't stand up for myself.

So, I was dead factually correct in what I said, but whammed the message home in a very "strong" way (look straight in eye/stand up straight/repeat however many times necessary until message sinks in "Money aint a fool").

I don't like having to play Miss Absolutely Determined. I've been brought up to be very fair/very straight/etc/etc and one of my parents does like "thinking the best of people regardless", but there are some people who are trying it on and its time to bring on "Miss Absolutely Determined" persona (quite definitely that parent is convinced children can do no wrong and is quite inclined to think that about adults too).

Winter_Phoenix

Grousecot, good luck with the pre-course studying . I think it's brilliant that you're doing an OU course soon, and I hope you really enjoy it.

Moneyistooshorttomention, Go, Ms Roary Mouse! :T

Horace, it will be interesting to see how Ms OnlyHereForTheKudos reacts when presented with some actual work (and, I hope a firm deadline). Do keep us informed!

Now, a question which has just come to mind. We talk about "single parents" all the time. Why don't we ever talk about "double parents"?!?