OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

mum2one

first day of secondary school today for DD, bless her she was up at 6am, - thou shes paying the price for it, she came home and has been flaked out on the settee we had to wake her for her tea, then she fell asleep again!! so weird thou as she looked at me opened her eyes wide but looked soulless then back to sleep, she did that about 3 times in a row xx

moneyistooshorttomention

Mum2one

Hope this new school is going to go fine for your daughter.

Any major change can be very tiring for the first week or so, so hopefully its just a bit of adaptation going on, ie with all the new information having to get absorbed by the brain.

BookWorm

Evening all

I had a pig of a day yesterday at work and came home feeling really fed up. Took myself off for an early night and then couldn't sleep! I finally got off around 1am and then got rudely awoken at 2am by next doors alarm going off Definitely wasn't my day.

Today was a little better but I found it hard put yesterday behind me. Used to be able to shrug things off more easily than I do these days - not sure why it has changed? :think:

Anyways - it got me to wondering. How do you get over bad days or things that bother you?

BW

mum2one

some good news - picked dad up from the hospital this afternoon, he's now sending the cows home stretched out on the settee...

district nurse tomorrow, guess be the 1st of many medical visitors, but so gd to have him home x

BookWorm

Good to hear your Dad has gone home Mum2one :T

MummyBobble

mum2one Hope DD is settling on well at her new school. I tend to find with mine that it's exciting at first, then the novelty wears off, then they simply settle into their new routine.. Happy to hear your Dad is home

We have absolutely no routine as yet! DD had her induction day at college on Monday and was off Tuesday/Wednesday. DS went back to school Tuesday but had a late start to allow the new year 7's to get in before everyone else arrived. I had INSET days in school Monday/Tuesday, then the children back in school yesterday. I think it might take a couple of weeks (especially with DD having to be out almost an hour earlier in the morning then not back until after 5 in the afternoon) but I'm sure it'll all fall into place...

BW, I have always been a worrier, and increasingly it's when I go to bed and (try to) relax that my mind goes into overdrive and the thoughts can linger for days. I find it very difficult to put things behind me. I had therapy last year and was told that if you can't sleep the worst thing to do is switch a light on as it sends messages to your brain that it's time to get up (I can often be found reading in the middle of the night). I also have a "worry book" to write down what's bothering me, if I can do anything about it, if so do it, if not forget it (easier said than done). Another thing I was told was to take the time to think about the problem, who caused it and could I have done anything to change it. My natural tendency is to take responsibility for everything bad and assume that anything good has happened despite me, not because of me so I have found it valuable to learn techniques that allow me to question other peoples behaviour.

Possibly one of the hardest things about being a singly is not coming home to someone to moan at about your day. As a positive we don't have to listen to another half moaning about theirs :rotfl:.

I'm lucky to still have DD and DS at home to distract me. A while ago I'd been at a meeting and didn't get in until after 9. DS announced "You need to look in the kitchen". My immediate thought was, oh lordy, what's he done? He'd actually done me some cheese and crackers and poured me a glass of wine:j.

moneyistooshorttomention

Not strictly necessary to have an OH to moan about day too....

I had it worked out some years back (ie when I took in lodgers) for a while. There was one I got friendly with and we would both come back from our respective days and have a moan about them if need be. Thus fortified, she got on with her studies and I got on with whatever I had in mind for the evening.

No-one is going to understand fully what's what I sometimes think unless they live in the same house, and then they can see exactly what you mean about any troublesome neighbour (there's always one...:cool:) for instance. It helps to have someone who understands where you're coming from on financial "moans" too (that unexpected expense or loss of expected income JUST when you'd already allocated every penny for the month).

Re problems caused by someone else, that's got my mind thinking overtime on whether there are many occasions where it would have been possible to head off other-people caused problems at the pass. Any advice welcome for times when other people involved in something try and say "This is how we do things. This is what you will do" when you are wondering when your turn will come up to have your input about a situation that concerns you. I still reel back in shock about not getting consulted about something that affects me, but instead I've had some of the "This is how it is..end of" treatment instead. I've not worked out yet what to say to get the message over of "This is something I am due to be consulted on and I want to know when I get to put my view on it" and don't know how to get beyond "No, I wont be doing that" and onto "Can we start from scratch and my view on the matter is.......". I've had a couple of recent incidents of being told "This is how it is" about something that affects me and cant think how to get them beyond "No, I wont be" onto taking a more democratic approach to things.

It would be useful if anyone has worked out ways to deal with a "dictator" trying to tell you how an aspect of your life will be. I've gotten used to conversations along lines of "Shall we do this? Shall we do that instead? What would you like to do?, as I would like to.....", so its a bit of a shock to get "We do...so you will do" coming at me instead and then "frost" when I refuse to accept they have made my share of a decision for me.

Horace

Hello peeps

Have been feeling a little despondent so not posted anything but I have been reading.

Money I used to hear 'but we have always done it this way' when I worked at the uni. When I was working in the Cleaning Section, this phrase was used all the time needless to say that soon changed because I did things my way instead. I remember once being asked to send a cleaner to the VC's office to plump the cushions on his sofa, I went myself and showed his PA how to plump the cushions, my boss knew what I was doing and then we sent them the bill for the time it took me to walk there and back (the other side of campus from our office) and the cost of my time. Funny, how they never rang with silly requests again after that.

I went to bed stressed last night and couldn't sleep - I woke up this morning after dreaming that I was fighting through cobwebs and my face was wet - couldn't work out why until I put my glasses on and went into the bathroom, I had managed to scratch my forehead (it bled for ages). I stupidly got embroiled in a debate about my local park and events that take place in it - there is a new housing estate nearby and they don't like it. I can see their point of view but for them to want a blanket ban on everything that goes on in the park is madness. Went to the police tasking meeting too - always interesting to know what activity is going on in the area (our local sergeant is only in his 30's but he is sensible and reminds me of an old style policeman - fair but firm).

Next week is a week of meetings - Monday, I am having a chat with someone who used to work for the Arts Council as the friends group want to find out about how to apply for an arts grant and who best to apply to. Tuesday I am having my hair done, Wednesday is recce day to find the interview place and I see my work programme advisor, Thursday is interview day and in the evening I am going to a meeting with the friends of a local woodland to talk about a joint venture. The joint venture will be fun because we will be designing a window display for our local festival of light (we are being given a shop window down on the new town centre site).

Winter_Phoenix

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Re problems caused by someone else, that's got my mind thinking overtime on whether there are many occasions where it would have been possible to head off other-people caused problems at the pass. Any advice welcome for times when other people involved in something try and say "This is how we do things. This is what you will do" when you are wondering when your turn will come up to have your input about a situation that concerns you. I still reel back in shock about not getting consulted about something that affects me, but instead I've had some of the "This is how it is..end of" treatment instead. I've not worked out yet what to say to get the message over of "This is something I am due to be consulted on and I want to know when I get to put my view on it" and don't know how to get beyond "No, I wont be doing that" and onto "Can we start from scratch and my view on the matter is.......". I've had a couple of recent incidents of being told "This is how it is" about something that affects me and cant think how to get them beyond "No, I wont be" onto taking a more democratic approach to things.

It would be useful if anyone has worked out ways to deal with a "dictator" trying to tell you how an aspect of your life will be.

By nature I'm quite a direct person, so I'm afraid my natural instinct would be to square up to the dictator head on.

However, I once worked for a boss who had tactics, strategy, diplomacy, manipulation, flattery, and outflanking, down to a fine art - in the nicest possible way! So I did learn a trick or two there.

What I think I would try in this situation is to work out a plan of action first, and then invite Mrs Dictator (without her husband) round for a cup of tea. (If she wants to bring her husband, I would say something like, "Oh, I thought it would be nice to have just us girls there," or something similar. If she were suspicious of the invitation, I might turn it into an invitation to see the changes I'd made to the house, or even, "I'd really like to get to know you a bit better.")

My plan of action would be to start off with some compliments to her, maybe even asking her advice on something and then saying, "What a good idea! I'll try that." I'd intersperse these with completely innocuous chatter on the level of "This was my mother's tea set," or "My goodness, what a thunderstorm that was last Tuesday."

Then I'd move on to something like, "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye about everything. It must be difficult for you, having a newcomer wanting to change things. You must think I'm a bit of a maverick." At this point, I would expect her to start talking, and I'd let her have her say without interrupting. But if she didn't begin to talk, I'd keep prompting her, "Still, I can see why you might think I'm just being awkward," "It can't be easy for you, having someone new join your community, with different ways of doing things," etc., until she opened up a bit. Anything she did say, I'd nod my head, or say, "Right, right," "Uh-huh," and so on, not arguing with her at all.

Finally I'd move on to, "I'm really glad we've had this little chat, I hope it's cleared the air a bit. Thank you so much. I don't want always to be the one opposing your ideas, and the way you prefer to do things, because you have so many qualities I admire. But I do have a suggestion! I like to have time to think about things, and to put my four penn'orth in. That's just the way I am, and I'm too old to change now. So I wonder - could you help me out by talking things through with me first, rather than springing them on me? That would really be so helpful, knowing that I would have the chance to put my point of view before a decision is made - so that I could opt out, if necessary, without making a big thing of it. Would you do that for me? I'd really appreciate it," (etc. etc., on and on, until I was sure I'd got my point across).

I don't know whether it would work, but I think that's what I would try!

grousescot

I can certainly empathise with the not having someone to welcome you home after a nasty day. I tend to put the radio on as soon as I get in - usually speech radio but if it's full of misery (especially the news) then I'll switch to a station which plays gloriously cheesy 80s pop music and sing along to what I know the words to. (I'd never do this with company!)

I find piano practice remarkably therapeutic - somehow focussing on this task which is completely detached from my work takes my mind off the day's frustrations. An hour can go by and I won't register it. I wish I had felt like this when I was 10 or 11 and had not long started lessons.

I can get incredibly anxious and worked-up about some things, mainly work-related. I can fret for a couple of days about something which is remedied by a 2 line email or a 30 second conversation with someone. Uncertainty usually triggers this and things are still quite up in the air where I work so I'm really hoping it settles down soon.

Winter Pheonix - that's a brilliant strategy for dealing with an Awkward of Difficult person. I must try to remember that when next I come across someone like that.

Re the OU course, it's a second year degree level course in statistics. I did a bit of study in this area a few years ago, not through the OU, but it was just me and a book up to the exam so a bit isolated. It starts next month so I really should start some revision ahead of it.