OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

Byatt

When we moved here, England, in the early 70's, racism was rife and I was reduced to tears and anger on many occasions, one woman telling me I wouldn't get the job if I was Welsh. :eek: I was just 21 and naively thought people would live and let live. I don't actually have one friend who is born and raised here, all have been and are "incomers" or although born here, left for some period of time and then came back. Not that the choice has been deliberate on my part, just how it happened.

Barking dogs are also known to exist here...:cool:

moneyistooshorttomention

Actually, back in my Home Area most of my friends etc were incomers too (including my best friends). I had/have just one local friend from the area there.

Maybe that's down to the fact that I got dragged round the world a bit as a kid and didn't/don't have a local accent and my local friend also got dragged round the world as a kid, so understands...

The friends I am starting to make over here look set to be incomers again (though, this time, I'm an incomer myself) and I guess incomers as friends back in Home Area and incomers as friends here as well probably boils down to incomers (or those, like myself, who had only part of our upbringing there) haven't got "roots" and are therefore "out and about" deliberately going to social events/etc in active attempt to make friends, rather than friends being just something that "happened" because of always having lived on the other persons doorstep iyswim.

Guess that's how things work in any area???

Maybe the dogs being allowed to bark outside is something that some people from more rural areas anywhere regard as "normal" and perhaps don't even realise is very upsetting for most people?

Sorry you had those bad experiences Byatt when you first moved to England. Those people were just being "ignorant".

phoebe1989seb

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Maybe the dogs being allowed to bark outside is something that some people from more rural areas anywhere regard as "normal" and perhaps don't even realise is very upsetting for most people?

Hi Money :wave:

Just seen your post about the barking dog and had to comment (although I'm not a *singlie* myself, so hope you guys don't object to my presence on the thread?) - where we live is pretty rural, a small village/hamlet with around thirty houses and we have one resident who must leave their dog outside all day, most days (except weekends) as you can hear it barking from early morning through till tea time :mad:

As we have quite a large plot and so do many of the other properties, I haven't yet established where exactly the dog lives although I have a rough idea, plus due to the distance between gardens/houses the barking is actually not terribly noticeable here - just that I have extremely good hearing!

We also have dogs - two, of 26 months & 8 months - and yes, they do bark sometimes, especially atm as we have the joinery co in fitting our new windows , but we would never, ever leave them outside to annoy the neighbourhood with incessant barking!

I do wonder if it is a *rural* community thing though as a) we never had this problem during twenty years of living in a city and b) when we got our first puppy in 2012 our builder then working on the extension (a real dyed-in-the-wool country guy) seemed to take it for granted that we'd be keeping him (the puppy, not the builder, lol!) outside in a kennel and that he wouldn't be living inside the house.......I guess some country dwellers see dogs more as working animals than pets

Still, it's a pita for you......what (if anything) are you going to do about it?

moneyistooshorttomention

Hi Phoebe,

I think we might just deem you to be an honorary singlie yer knows:D and my mind personally still boggling at the Major Projects you take on re house renovation:eek:

I have had a (polite) word with neighbour concerned, but it doesn't seem to have resolved the issue. I think it might have ameloriated it a bit....but not resolved it iyswim <sighs smilie>.

Am feeling a bit lost about how to go any further on that one I'll admit...

Am always very aware about fitting in and being friendly and helpful etc etc around here....and am getting on fine with most of the neighbours and doing the mutual swopping of favours thing etc etc and have duly taken it on myself to "keep a bit of an eye out" on elderly neighbours round here and I think that's been realised and is appreciated.

Am trying my best and certainly didn't go along with an English friend heres suggestion that the surplus food I think I will probably be producing from my garden here soon for instance would be a "financial resource" that I could sell and make some extra money. I see the point and could do with some extra income...but am just taking the view that "What the heck....I'll just give away any surplus if I have some..."....but those **** dogs barking ARE a problem and brains are being racked for an answer to that.

I get the thing about "dogs as working animals" and that this is a different mindset to "dogs as pets" and that, from my pov, dogs are pampered pets and friends etc etc but I do also feel sorry for those poor dogs...because I'm guessing there is some reason (from the dogs' pov) why they are barking like this ****dog does and I'm not blaming the dog itself for this.

Am having a bit of a Bad Day at the moment about being here...but I think it will help when my home and Life are more "together" than they are at present.

Must tell self that one particular leisure activity I am taking part in is proving a good resource for friendly faces here and am absorbing into what feels like a Friendship Group. Also my Welsh classes here are proving a very good source of likeminded souls, also doing best to fit in here, but having odd "struggles" with this at times. Currently looking forward to a meal/tour of inspection with new friend at their home and evening out afterwards.

A friendly little Welsh woman the other day was telling me that I must expect it to take some time to adapt and that I'll be fine and doesn't know how grateful I am feeling to her for her few minutes of trying to make me feel "at home" the other day. Really most people are being very patient/friendly with urban English little me....

JustKeepSwimming_2

Hospital appointment went OK - my condition is stable & unlikely to flare up this month so I can try & put it out of my mind until the next check up :j. Knackered yesterday thought, the worry & prodding do take it out of me & I had to go straight to bed around 5 when I got in (although hospital is a good 4 hour round trip on many buses so that's quite tiring too). Thankfully I didn't wake up to total carnage, but every pack of crisps that I didn't think to hide have been demolished :mad:.

Hope all are well.

LavenderBees

JustKeepSwimming wrote: »

Hospital appointment went OK - my condition is stable & unlikely to flare up this month so I can try & put it out of my mind until the next check up :j. Knackered yesterday thought, the worry & prodding do take it out of me & I had to go straight to bed around 5 when I got in (although hospital is a good 4 hour round trip on many buses so that's quite tiring too). Thankfully I didn't wake up to total carnage, but every pack of crisps that I didn't think to hide have been demolished :mad:.

Hope all are well.

Well done. I'm really glad to hear this :T

LB xx

Byatt

JKS, very glad that you had good news for this month, I can imagine how tired you must feel though with all the travelling. As for the crisps, I think children have an inbuilt radar for such things :cool:, my DD certainly did.

I had a very lazy day yesterday, probably much of the same today, only have a short pop-in visit, and that's it, but off for 10 days from Thursday to look after house, puss cat and chickens! I love the chickens so will be trying them with new foods. :eek: That came out wrong, trying new foods on them, should I say...not eating them with new foods! :rotfl:

phoebe1989seb

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Hi Phoebe,

I think we might just deem you to be an honorary singlie yer knows:D and my mind personally still boggling at the Major Projects you take on re house renovation:eek:

I have had a (polite) word with neighbour concerned, but it doesn't seem to have resolved the issue. I think it might have ameloriated it a bit....but not resolved it iyswim <sighs smilie>.

Am feeling a bit lost about how to go any further on that one I'll admit...

Am always very aware about fitting in and being friendly and helpful etc etc around here....and am getting on fine with most of the neighbours and doing the mutual swopping of favours thing etc etc and have duly taken it on myself to "keep a bit of an eye out" on elderly neighbours round here and I think that's been realised and is appreciated.

Am trying my best and certainly didn't go along with an English friend heres suggestion that the surplus food I think I will probably be producing from my garden here soon for instance would be a "financial resource" that I could sell and make some extra money. I see the point and could do with some extra income...but am just taking the view that "What the heck....I'll just give away any surplus if I have some..."....but those **** dogs barking ARE a problem and brains are being racked for an answer to that.

I get the thing about "dogs as working animals" and that this is a different mindset to "dogs as pets" and that, from my pov, dogs are pampered pets and friends etc etc but I do also feel sorry for those poor dogs...because I'm guessing there is some reason (from the dogs' pov) why they are barking like this ****dog does and I'm not blaming the dog itself for this.

Am having a bit of a Bad Day at the moment about being here...but I think it will help when my home and Life are more "together" than they are at present.

Must tell self that one particular leisure activity I am taking part in is proving a good resource for friendly faces here and am absorbing into what feels like a Friendship Group. Also my Welsh classes here are proving a very good source of likeminded souls, also doing best to fit in here, but having odd "struggles" with this at times. Currently looking forward to a meal/tour of inspection with new friend at their home and evening out afterwards.

A friendly little Welsh woman the other day was telling me that I must expect it to take some time to adapt and that I'll be fine and doesn't know how grateful I am feeling to her for her few minutes of trying to make me feel "at home" the other day. Really most people are being very patient/friendly with urban English little me....

Thanks Money

Gosh, you must be braver than me as I'd be too much of a chicken to confront a neighbour - however politely - about an issue such as the barking dog Don't think DH would be keen to volunteer to do so either......bit of a nuisance, though if you've said something to said neighbour and whilst the situation is ameliorated, it isn't entirely resolved - always difficult at the best of times, but when new to an area it's a fine line to walk between being assertive and not alienating yourself from your new neighbourhood

Hope your visit to your new friend's home is the start of a long-lasting friendship - it really does sound as though you're making huge efforts to fit in/forge new friendships though and I'm sure that will all pay off. There are bound to be days when you question your decision to relocate so far from all you know - I have them all the time and our original move away was back in 2007.......

In a way and speaking as a non-singlie, I think us couples become too reliant on each other to the detriment of putting ourselves out there in an attempt to make friends in a new area. Personally we've spent the last three years working so damned hard on our current old wreck that we've neglected to join in with community stuff (such as it is ) and have to confess that our *friends* in our most recently adopted area amount to about three people.....and two of those are only weekenders with their main home in London

Hope you're having a better day today

xxx

moneyistooshorttomention

Hi Phoebe

Better day today...the sun is out for once and no wind for once (which makes a bit of a change here..:cool:).

I've certainly noticed that many couples (most?) do become a little unit unto themselves and often tell myself that the fact that they tend to become a lot more unavailable for friendships than singlies isn't just a nuisance to us singlies (because of reducing the available Friendship Pool), but will be a sight more of a nuisance to one half of that couple come the time they are on their own (eg if partner has died). I think many "other halves" will find it a huge shock to the system when widowed eventually, whereas us singlies have had to get out on there and mingle more all along.

I'm absolutely insistent that some "social time" must be mine regularly to go out and socialise and not just get stuck in dealing with house renovation work solidly until its finished. I wouldn't have been prepared to do that back in Home Area, but its even more important to do that here (with the way any work on the house "takes a lot longer than it takes" with the huge level of workman unreliability in this area). I would roughly guess at a job that should have been quoted for within 2 weeks taking more like 2 months to have enough quotes to pick one here. The work itself, then I'd roughly guess at a 2 week job might take 3-4 weeks (with all the unreliability and running off to do part of someone else's blimmin' job whilst still doing yours). I don't think I'd survive the months the work would take on the house, plus the extra months it takes here, and still be "in one piece" at the end if I wasn't absolutely insistent I must have Me Time Out and About.

Anyway, more work being done right now as we speak and the sun is out and the Blimmin' Nearby Dog isn't thankfully.

So, it's a better day today at any rate...

phoebe1989seb

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Anyway, more work being done right now as we speak and the sun is out and the Blimmin' Nearby Dog isn't thankfully.

So, it's a better day today at any rate...

Pleased to hear that Money - hope the work continues to progress (at a reasonable rather than snail's pace) as you deserve to sit back and relax in your lovely newly renovated home