OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

BookWorm

I also find it quite intrusive when people ask me why I am not married and/or have children...especially when they don't even know me that well! I do find that it was asked more often once I hit my 30's. I have been known to avoid certain people as they always seem to want to ask that when I see them. Makes me feel like I am being grilled!

I appreciate that some people are just curious and are asking without a hidden agenda or perception. However, others are just unable to accept other people may want different things from life. It's their way or else you must be odd for being different

I'm lucky in that I've never felt pressure from my parents re: giving them grandchildren (I'm an only child) but I have wondered if they are disappointed by it?

BookWorm

re: Uni or not?

I went to uni but if I'm honest I only went as I didn't know what else I wanted to do and it was a good way to escape living in the middle of nowhere/with my parents!

I definitely don't regret going as it helped me grow up massively but if I could have the time over, I would pick a different subject. Something specific and that I really had an interest in.

I'm not really practical and so the tradesperson thing wouldn't be good for me. However, if I was then that would definitely be the route I would strongly consider.

Byatt

GC, I am a 70's bride, got married at 22...that was considered old then, so not just Samuel Pepys time...I realise now 22 is considered very young...but in the 70's workplace I still got comments about taking the job of a married man...was sometimes verbally abused about it. My parents thought education was a waste for a girl because she'd go and get married and what was the point...so what I'm saying is, there have been a lot of changes, in a relatively short space of time for women. Simple things like walking into a pub on your own, not to be done lightly back then, usually best to go with a group. I feel like a Dodo...:rotfl:

edit, I was always asked when I was having a child...bloody thoughtless people...then when I had one, it was "just the one then..."

greenbee

Byatt wrote: »

GC, I am a 70's bride, got married at 22...that was considered old then, so not just Samuel Pepys time...I realise now 22 is considered very young...but in the 70's workplace I still got comments about taking the job of a married man...was sometimes verbally abused about it. My parents thought education was a waste for a girl because she'd go and get married and what was the point...so what I'm saying is, there have been a lot of changes, in a relatively short space of time for women. Simple things like walking into a pub on your own, not to be done lightly back then, usually best to go with a group. I feel like a Dodo...:rotfl:

edit, I was always asked when I was having a child...bloody thoughtless people...then when I had one, it was "just the one then..."

My grandfather had the same attitude to educating both his daughters... and they both married in the 70s IN THEIR 30s! He used to make jokes about being glad they'd finally been taken off his hands, which made them cross as he hadn't supported them beyond the age of 16.

As for the kids thing, I do get asked occasionally and I find that telling people I can't have kids shuts them up.

Mind you, my neighbours have only just worked out I don't have kids of my own, as my brother's kids are here regularly and I have two car seats permanently installed... (I moved here 6 months ago).

Interestingly, most people seem to think that it's amazing how much time I spend with them (they are 2 and 3 and have their own bedroom here and stay over without parents), as if somehow not having your own kids means you don't know how to deal with them :cool:

moneyistooshorttomention

In fairness, it is true that some people can be asking about whether you are married/have children with a bit of a hidden agenda to it. Others can be asking just to make conversation and have some basic facts (of some description) to start from.

I recall the "Have you got a husband/kids?" comments earlier in my life and I was aware that sometimes it was a hidden motive/put pressure on to conform type question and sometimes just a "where do I start in making conversation?" question iyswim.

People like to have some sort of conversational "handle" to start with. That much is clear from the fact that I think every single person I've talked to for more than 2 minutes since I moved to my new area has asked the same question (ie the "Why did you move here?" one, either phrased like that or put as "Have you come home/got family here?"). It's just a way to start conversation.

JustKeepSwimming_2

Regarding the uni/practical split - last night I went to my DD Y9 options evening & was surprised to hear the deputy head extoll the virtues of the academic pathways where they "choose" a variety of traditional GCSEs, but sound almost apologetic when it came to the "less academic, vocational" pathway. That wasn't really covered very much, although I guess less children would be following it.

Goodness LB, that was an interesting-but-depressing article you found - I can't believe such thoughts exist as they're so different to mine (not that I'm always right obviously ) but can believe they do as well IYSWIM.

BookWorm wrote: »

I'm lucky in that I've never felt pressure from my parents re: giving them grandchildren (I'm an only child) but I have wondered if they are disappointed by it?

When we visit cantankerous mother (CM) my two are used yet more examples of how I've made such a mess of my life, & how they are either stupid, obnoxious or weak willed depending on what mood CM is in that day, & whether my two are trying to be on the best behaviour & not upset CM or whether they've already tried that during the visit & have just given up trying to please the CM who cannot be pleased. (CM's behaviour isn't personal to me - nothing & nobody pleases her & the world is at fault, never her).

CM is disappointed by my two, but would be equally disappointed (& vocal) if I didn't have children. One of those can't win family situations :rotfl:

Byatt wrote: »

GC, I am a 70's bride, got married at 22...that was considered old then, so not just Samuel Pepys time...I realise now 22 is considered very young...but in the 70's workplace I still got comments about taking the job of a married man...was sometimes verbally abused about it. My parents thought education was a waste for a girl because she'd go and get married and what was the point...so what I'm saying is, there have been a lot of changes, in a relatively short space of time for women. Simple things like walking into a pub on your own, not to be done lightly back then, usually best to go with a group. I feel like a Dodo...:rotfl:

edit, I was always asked when I was having a child...bloody thoughtless people...then when I had one, it was "just the one then..."

Right Byatt, I'm going to jump right in & say something that probably sounds horrifically rude, but that isn't how I mean it all, honest.

I can't believe that you're old enough to have experienced such inequality - surely that all died out with Jane Austen? That was my initial thought (& I know you're not over 100 :rotfl:) & I'm shocked that such views were held so recently. I would be incensed if someone thought that was the only kind of life open to my DD & told her so.

Would the chickens be happier if the pumpkin was opened & they could see inside it? Not that I know anything about chickens, but I have a lovely picture in my head of them sitting around it, waiting for a party entertainer to jump out of it :rotfl:

moneyistooshorttomention

Must admit, I would have chopped the pumpkin for the chickens up into a few pieces too. I'd be wondering whether their little beaks couldn't "chisel into" the skin otherwise and thinking there might be less "food smell" coming from it to tempt them into trying this new addition to their diet.

calicocat

Byatt wrote: »

Just been to check on chickens I'm looking after and took them a large pumpkin I had...sooooo funny. They all clambered about when they saw me, but when I put the pumpkin into their run, they all scattered, huddled in the corner, muttering away..."you go and look, no...you go and look...!!!!!! is it?!" One took a long detour around it, to get back into the coop to carry on with the egg laying she was so rudely interrupted by, with the arrival of the pumpkin, as she was so nosey she had to look.

I left them to it, so will be interested to see if it's touched when I go back later.

I haven't had chickens myself, but my uncle always said his loved honey dew melon, I think the chopped it in half though.

I had visions of them discussing the pumpkin all night......lol.


I'm another that gets affronted by people asking me why i'm not married or got kids. Now I just say I have the male commitment phobic gene and do a runner. And when one bloke at work was pushing and pushing about why I didn't have kids.....so I told him I did have them but decided to sell them a few years ago as they were getting tiresome......that shut him up....lol.

Two electricians now haven't phoned back.....both sacked....the third actually answered his phone rather than it going to voicemail , and said he can come this afternoon...so now not sure if this means he's utterly crap as not busy....and he has yet to actually turn up.

You can't win can you.

Time will tell I guess, i'm sick of the alarm panel screaming now...and need it either sorted or isolated before sat night or we will all be screaming at each other over it.

Right, off to make place look a bit tidy in the hope electrician IS turning up, and to do catch-up again with the thread as only skim reading so far today.

calicocat

OMG....electrician has phoned and said he has just been to get the new switch fitting....(??....i figured it was just going to be a re-connectomy with existing switch??).....also he must be psychic...as he doesn't know the exact type I have...or what I want...??


If he has got it right and he is fact a genius....should I lock him in a cupboard....lol.

Byatt

JKS, no, not horrifically rude...:rotfl:

I'm afraid however, it was the case, there was huge inequality in my family, I have 2 brothers...

here's just some examples from the time (50's onwards):

http://www.viralnova.com/vintage-sexist-ads/ (this is just :eek::eek:, especially the shirts ad, and...and...and...)

and: " Women were yoked to men economicallyin 1970, for instance, women's earnings as a proportion of men's earnings were 54.8% – but because they often needed a signature from their father or husband to gain credit or buy bigger items. The economic debate sharpened suddenly in 1968, when women at the Ford plant in Dagenham went on strike for equal pay. That same year, the Observer reported on an official study that showed "a massive wastage of women's abilities and qualifications" and "at least four million women used virtually as slave labour". Half of Britain's working women were earning less than five shillings an hour. The Dagenham strike led to the Equal Pay Act in 1970, followed by the Sex Discrimination Act in 1975. But with only 4.6% of MPs being women in 1964, much of the action to change women's lives naturally took place at the grassroots. (The proportion of female MPs actually came in below 4.6% in every subsequent election until 1987, when it rose to a paltry 6.3%.)"

taken from: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/may/07/1963-beginning-feminist-movement


and...>>Many women worked in junior levels of the Civil Service, but as in many other organisations of the day, women earned less than men and until 1947, they were expected to resign if they married. Women in the civil service did not receive equal pay with men until the 1950s<<


"You’ve probably heard of the marriage bar, but I hadn’t. Turns out there used to be a formal rule in lots of organizations that women had to leave on getting married. No question, no debate, no exceptions — marry and you have to go. And the year when the board of Barclays decided this wasn’t really a good idea — 1961 – just 2 years before my mum got married, not long before I was born. Well within living memory. In some organizations you could come back as a temporary employee without any benefits or security (‘Thank you sir!’), but for most the bar was a barrier that couldn’t be jumped or worked around. The Foreign Office was especially reluctant to remove it, waiting until the Sex Discrimination Act in the early 1970s sort of outlawed its implementation. Hmm.
So, marry and go do some domestic and reproductive labour, or stay single and you can stay in your job."

http://www.nowaytomakealiving.net/post/815/

Sorry, hope this doesn't sound like a lecture, , just that it gives a background to my parents' generation. Not saying all parents thought like that, but mine did. :cool:

Plus women from the 70's fought for many rights that women get now...albeit sometimes, very quietly and persistently. Some seemingly minor, such as wearing trousers in work...the first allowance came in the form of a trouser suit...but women couldn't wear them in work at one time and this was in the 70's.

edit: No not a 100...:rotfl: but days when I feel like I am! :eek: