OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

Florenceem

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I'd always assumed that if I had wanted/had children that they would have gone to University and then gone on to have a career. But that was back in the days of University grants and before the days of Everyone and Their Dog going to university. For some years now I've been surprised to find that I would have been hoping they were "practically"-minded and wondering if I could try and gently steer them towards being plumbers/electricians/carpenters. I would worry about them avoiding the health hazards associated with jobs like that and how I could steer them into "staying safe" whilst doing that type of job. On the other hand, the type of career I would be hoping they would have gone in for includes competitiveness/"heart attack territory"/backstabbing/etc and having to work your way towards the self-employed territory I tend to think is the best bet these days. Whereas (at least in my new area) they all tend to be "Right mate/how are you mate?/borrow your tools mate?" attitude towards each other and friendly with each other from what I can make out.

I always used to believe it was the best bet to be an employee, but in this day and age of no job security/zero hours contracts/etc then I tend to think self-employment in something suitable is a better way to go.

End result being I'd probably have been at least as happy/possibly happier to hear "I'm going to be a plumber/electrician mum" as I would have formerly to hear "I'm going to be a solicitor/teacher/administrator".

My children were not practical despite ex and I being very practical. So pleased that 5 of my 6 went to uni. 3 are teachers and in secure jobs at very good schools. 1 is a Doctor - specialises in Oncology and 1 is an insurance underwriter. The 1 who didn't go to uni has moved from job to job and doesn't earn anything like his siblings. He had the necessary brains for uni but didn't like education.

Byatt

I don't think it's a case of uni or not to go to uni...but the fact that being academic is more highly prized and with greater kudos in society than someone who is practical/artistic/original thinker/vocational/has common sense...

each person should be valued for the job they do, whatever it is, because we all need each other at some time or another. Some people are just not academic, but have an intelligence which should not be overlooked.

Just because you didn't go to uni, doesn't mean you are useless or will end up going from job to job. Personality has an impact.

Byatt

Just been to check on chickens I'm looking after and took them a large pumpkin I had...sooooo funny. They all clambered about when they saw me, but when I put the pumpkin into their run, they all scattered, huddled in the corner, muttering away..."you go and look, no...you go and look...!!!!!! is it?!" One took a long detour around it, to get back into the coop to carry on with the egg laying she was so rudely interrupted by, with the arrival of the pumpkin, as she was so nosey she had to look.

I left them to it, so will be interested to see if it's touched when I go back later.

LavenderBees

A quickie from me - spotted this at lunchtime on the BeeB website - thought it would be of interest to us on the Singlies thread.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-26341350

Again, on the subect of valuing people for who and what they are, this sounds like a tough country to be a Singlie woman in...wonder if it's the same for a Singlie male?

I know that years ago (and not that many years ago :rotfl:) , I was often asked why I wasn't married/had children, and always found the questions intrusive. What's it got to do with you?, I'd think, while smiling through gritted teeth.

No one asks me these days...I suspect I'm seen as just that bit too old to be out of the ordinary now - what with divorce etc.

So, even in this (enlightened?) country I do feel that younger single women are still viewed a little suspiciously. I hope we see that change in the near future.

Have a good afternoon

LB xx

ETA - I agree Byatt, university is just one important way to end up a useful member of society. Theer are many other ways, and we should value them all equally, really. I never went to university, but alas didn't become an electrician/joiner/decorator etc (preferably now would see it useful being all 3! :rotfl:). I can push shoite around my desk REALLY WELL though

:rotfl:

lillibet_dripping

Excuse me butting in, but re the Will's thing.....
If you miss Free Wills month, November is Will Aid month where, for a (suggested) donation of £90 for a single, straightforward Will participating local solicitors will draw up your Will for you.
However, when I met my solicitor to do this I mentioned that I was on a Debt Management Plan and could only afford to donate £50.
No problem, she says - they operate a scheme on behalf of our local Hospice whereby, for £50, they will draw up a single Will AND DONATE THE ENTIRE £50 TO THE HOSPICE.
Might be worth checking to see if your local solicitors have a similar scheme?

grousescot

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Grousescot

You might as well take the view that the enforced extra rest will come in handy and give a chance to catch up a bit with those tasks we all of us postpone. Displacement activities R Us when it comes to things we don't actually want to do for most of us.

Some pennies take a long time to drop...your comment about the neighbours' ceiling down beneath getting mucked-up by water coming through from your place. Er...it had never occurred to me previously to think what would have happened in similar circumstances many years back when I was living in rented accommodation and water dripped through from my place into Her Down Below.

I had actually expected to receive a bill from the landlord who owned the flat (I think a few of the places in my complex are buy-to-lets) but having spoken to the property management company a day or so later to explain what had happened I didn't hear another thing. Surprised me because ultimately the fault was mine, albeit unintentional. At the rate it was dripping I estimated maybe a gallon of water would have leaked through over the course of a night so not a deluge, thankfully.


I've been considering when to replace the washing machine, actually, seeing as it came with the flat and I've been living there nearly 9 years. I could do without a lot of things but being sans washing machine would make life very awkward so I don't want to wait until it eventually expires.

grousescot

Re the Uni/no Uni discussion I think we have a long way to go before we change general attitudes as at the moment it seems to be: "Uni is the ultimate aim if you are capable of it but if you are not, well, never mind, I'm sure there's a modern apprenticeship or other more practically inclined career path you could follow instead". We need to distinguish between having a degree and having degree-level knowledge. University would be required if you wanted to be a doctor, vet, dentist or lawyer say. But what if you wanted to be an accountant, journalist, engineer, something connected with banking or finance? Sure there are degree courses that would cater for these careers but I don't see why you couldn't be taken on from school at 18 and trained up on the job so by 21/22 you are just as qualified as if you had gone the uni route, only you have a few years work experience and, hopefully, are financially better off. Right now saying you need a degree for a certain job must be quite an efficient way of filtering potential applicants.


I'm afraid I went into uni because at 18 I couldn't see any other way of pursuing a career. It turned out OK for me but I started my degree in 1997 when Uni (and the resulting debt) was a lot more affordable than it is now. I studied in Scotland but if just the fees were going to set me back £27K, even as a deferred debt, around the age of 16 I would be looking at cheaper options for continuing my education (Open Uni say) or employment that had a strong element of vocational training included.


I'll step off my soapbox now before I get into my stride!

lostinrates

grousescot wrote: »

Re the Uni/no Uni discussion I think we have a long way to go before we change general attitudes as at the moment it seems to be: "Uni is the ultimate aim if you are capable of it but if you are not, well, never mind, I'm sure there's a modern apprenticeship or other more practically inclined career path you could follow instead". We need to distinguish between having a degree and having degree-level knowledge. University would be required if you wanted to be a doctor, vet, dentist or lawyer say. But what if you wanted to be an accountant, journalist, engineer, something connected with banking or finance? Sure there are degree courses that would cater for these careers but I don't see why you couldn't be taken on from school at 18 and trained up on the job so by 21/22 you are just as qualified as if you had gone the uni route, only you have a few years work experience and, hopefully, are financially better off. Right now saying you need a degree for a certain job must be quite an efficient way of filtering potential applicants.


I'm afraid I went into uni because at 18 I couldn't see any other way of pursuing a career. It turned out OK for me but I started my degree in 1997 when Uni (and the resulting debt) was a lot more affordable than it is now. I studied in Scotland but if just the fees were going to set me back £27K, even as a deferred debt, around the age of 16 I would be looking at cheaper options for continuing my education (Open Uni say) or employment that had a strong element of vocational training included.


I'll step off my soapbox now before I get into my stride!

My DH feels his law conversion etc was a huge waste of both time and money. Almost none of it is relevant to the type of work he does and he would have been better, were it an option that has is still recognised, doing old fashioned articles. There are are other routes, but they just don't have the 'kudos' though DH feels they probably have a better basis in reality.

Byatt

I left school at 16, went to uni in my 50's...reason after ex went I didn't want to waste 2-3 years pining or whatever, I wanted to look back and feel I had done something. Hindsight of course is 20:20, so I wouldn't have chosen the degree I did (health & social care), because I now know having no relevant experience as I had stayed home for a few years with dd, meant no one thought I was employable, plus age of course. Nonetheless, it did wonders for my fragile self esteem, and for the most part I enjoyed it. However, I was appalled at the lack of encouragement of original thinking. All tutors coached us in the type of essay/dissertation they wanted, virtually writing it themselves. I was praised for an essay on Crime & the police, but told they had to mark me down as it didn't follow their brief. Many students had personal tuition when they said they didn't know where/how to start an essay...:cool:

edit, GC I think the wheel has turned the other way since my youth. Then I was written off as were many, and my headmistress almost burst out laughing when I said I wanted to go to uni...that along with parents who thought uni was the devil's work, I decided to just give up and leave school. I didn't regret it at the time, I knew no better really, but work was much more available, and I could always get a very good job. Those days they seemed to take you on because they liked you, I didn't have enough O levels but was given jobs that required more. Even my English teacher said, "how did you get THAT job?!" And I used to like her.

As for the chickens, I went back to find they hadn't touched the pumpkin, were still circling around it, and despite throwing corn and meal worms on them, they still were very vary. Hopefully, one will start and the others will follow. Epic fail otherwise.

grousescot

LavenderBees wrote: »

A quickie from me - spotted this at lunchtime on the BeeB website - thought it would be of interest to us on the Singlies thread.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-26341350

Again, on the subect of valuing people for who and what they are, this sounds like a tough country to be a Singlie woman in...wonder if it's the same for a Singlie male?

As such a male may I venture my opinion?


Personally I have not been asked very often about my marriage status and existence of children. I noticed it happening more once I got past 30 but not had any opinions put forward such as I should get a move on with such things. It's just generally polite conversation at a social occasion, say. I do recall a man of almost ninety asking me if I was married and learning I was not advised me, with emphasis, "Keep it that way" as he'd been married twice himself.


I would suggest it's the biological factor which means women get more pressure put on them than men as middle age approaches and they have not started a family. I consider that voicing this opinion to a woman is extremely rude. To me it's the equivalent of asking a couple about the frequency of their bedroom activities.


Funnily enough a female friend and I were discussing this the other day. She is a few years older than me, still well within child-bearing age, but very much does not want children of her own although she is a doting Auntie. She is very glad she does not feel any pressure on her to produce grandchildren. I am also glad I do not feel pressure either. I suppose this might be because we both have siblings who have children.


The BBC article said 28 was considered old to still be single - this sounds straight out of Samuel Pepys diary when he was desperately trying to find a suitable match for his sister who was becoming less marriageable having reached the age of 25.
It depresses me greatly that parts of the world still harbour attitudes like that.