What to if no reply to wedding invitation

Pollycat

I think you've unfortunately made 2 mistakes:
1. sending out the invitations so early and
2. not putting a 'date to reply by' on

oliveoil99 wrote: »

No there was no date to reply by never thought of that. (

Did you even ask for replies at all?

If you didn't RSVP, then some people may not reply but just expect to turn up (I wouldn't) or plan not to come but aren't going to bother telling you (I wouldn't do that either).

If I were you, I'd leave it a while longer and then start to contact those people you haven't heard from to see if they plan on coming to the wedding or not.

LE3

meritaten wrote: »

the correct form is to send out the actual invitations about two months before the wedding. give them an RSVP in the form of a tear off form or separate card if you want to be posh, and a stamped addressed envelope.

Whilst I agree that 2-3 months is the right time for invitations to be sent, I disagree that sending an RSVP card is being "posh" - this is the "modern American" way of doing it, correct form expects the recipient to know how to write a letter confirming their acceptance or rejection of the invitation!

Pollycat

LE3 wrote: »

Whilst I agree that 2-3 months is the right time for invitations to be sent, I disagree that sending an RSVP card is being "posh" - this is the "modern American" way of doing it, correct form expects the recipient to know how to write a letter confirming their acceptance or rejection of the invitation!

The 'modern American' way?

When were we (here in the UK) teleported to the USA?

I agree that if you receive an invitation with the term 'RSVP' the person inviting you expects a reply.

But if you don't put a date by which you expect a reply - as the OP didn't - then it's hardly surprising if you don't get a rush of responses.

jackieblack

Just before Christmas I received an invitation to the evening 'do' of a wedding at the end of May and I thought that was a bit early!

They want a reply by the middle of Feb, 15 weeks before the wedding. We've got alot going on domestically atm and I don't know what I'm doing next week yet, let alone 15 weeks in advance!

I'm wondering whether it's less hassle to say no than to say yes and then maybe have to cancel later. With the fact that it's an evening 'do' and not the wedding itself, do you think exact numbers aren't so critical?
I wouldn't want to let the bride down if we were talking about an expensive wedding breakfast (we had half a dozen of my DH's relatives that just didn't turn up to our wdeding and 23 years later I'm still annoyed that they my parents had to pay for their thoughtlessness) but an evening is usually more informal (buffet?) isn't it? Would cancelling at short notice really make much of a difference?
Or, would it be acceptable to reply saying that although we would love to come we are unable to commit this far in advance and that can confirm for definite nearer the time? Maybe 6-8 weeks before?
Things should have settled down a bit by then and we'll have a better idea of what might be happening at the end of May.

Pollycat

Jackieblack
If I were you, I'd write to the bride and explain exactly as you have done here.

Tell them you'd love to go (assuming you would ) but can't commit in the timescale they've given and ask if it would be possible to let them know one way the another at a later date.

As you say, if it is an evening buffet then numbers are probably not so critical.

I wouldn't decline right out without checking if they can allow you a bit of flexibility.

jackieblack

Pollycat wrote: »

Jackieblack
If I were you, I'd write to the bride and explain exactly as you have done here.

Tell them you'd love to go (assuming you would ) but can't commit in the timescale they've given and ask if it would be possible to let them know one way the another at a later date.

As you say, if it is an evening buffet then numbers are probably not so critical.

I wouldn't decline right out without checking if they can allow you a bit of flexibility.

Thanks Pollycat, that does seem the most sensible way to me, I just wasn't sure if it was 'the done thing' and I would be offending anyone by doing that.
Sometimes, with families (especially distant/extended family) you can't seem to do right for doing wrong

Pollycat

Jackie
I can't say if it's 'the done thing' but it does sound sensible and if I were a bride, I wouldn't take offence at someone contacting me in your situation.

But - you never know 'cos there's nowt so queer as folks (especially in full wedding-frenzy mode. LOL).

If you do that - either by phone or letter - the bride/family can decide if they can be flexible with numbers.

duchy

jackieblack wrote: »

Thanks Pollycat, that does seem the most sensible way to me, I just wasn't sure if it was 'the done thing' and I would be offending anyone by doing that.
Sometimes, with families (especially distant/extended family) you can't seem to do right for doing wrong

It's a wedding ...there is ALWAYS that possibility

seven-day-weekend

We have had a wedding invite for July and the RSVP date is March. I have no idea whether this is usual or not . (We have replied, accepting, as my husband and the bride's father are 'the band' ).

It all seems far too much organisation and fuss (and expense!) to me. We got a special licence on the Monday and got married on the Saturday and just asked people if they wanted to come.

Still, that was over forty years ago, and each to their own.

oliveoil99

70 out of the 80 guests have replied some saying thanks for giving good notice as they would of been booking holidays around that time.