16 year old son playing Xbox all night!

Seanymph

You seem to be saying as a 'child' he shouldn't have to have responsibility and shoudl be able to do whatever he wants.

That isn't what being a child is.

As a child they don't have the necessary impulse control, life experience, decision making capability - so as a parent we look out for that for them - reeling it out a bit at a time as they grow and allow them to take it on.

You give a bit, if they handle that level of responsibility you keep it up and reel out a bit more, if they don't you take it back for now and ease up somewhere else.

Playing an xbox all night means he is not functioning well in other areas - he isn't going to 'self limit' his x box useage so you have to step up and do it until he's adult enough to do it himself.

keith969

All the time he's on the xbox at night (or whenever) he's not into studying, not interacting socially with other people, not reading or out playing sport - you name it. Not good.

My son did something like this after university, he didn't get up until 4pm and didn't go to bed until 4am. After a while I was fed up and told him either to get a job or move out. He got one locally and his self-confidence improved dramatically in the space of a couple of months, when he realised that he was as smart as anyone there and was getting rewarded for his work. He then applied for a job in London and is doing really well now (I miss him not being at home, being a single parent) and am glad that he now is doing something positive, has a nice girlfriend, and good prospects. Sometimes just takes a hard kick in the backside.

minimoneysaver

A lack of sleep will be making his body suffer, hence why he is so ill. Children (he is still a child), need a good sleep at night. I'm including a link to the BBC site, where there is an article on sleep.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/parents/sleep_matters/

HPoirot

The OP allows her 16 year old to make 'adult' decisions and lets him crack on with it, yet nows says he is a 'child' who should be allowed his toys at all hours. So which is it? Is he an adult or a child? Or depends on whichever gives her a cop-out from parenting him?

supermum38

HPoirot wrote: »

The OP allows her 16 year old to make 'adult' decisions and lets him crack on with it, yet nows says he is a 'child' who should be allowed his toys at all hours. So which is it? Is he an adult or a child? Or depends on whichever gives her a cop-out from parenting him?

Well this is kind of the point isn't it? He works and manages his own money so that is adult behaviour whereas playing games all night is childish.
I started this thread to see what other people have experienced and what they would do.

You are offering nothing constructive. Do you just trawl the forums to misquote people and have a dig because you have nothing better to do?


Update: We had a chat when he got up earlier then usual. He accepted he was being unreasonable staying up so late so explained why? He is in a COD clan (a group of pro players) and edits videos of his games and posts them on youtube. He is in the middle of a two-week challenege to join the second biggest clan in the world, where he will get more followers. It's a test of playing ability and video editing. Simply put it's actually about making money. Get enough followers of your videos and you get paid. He has already made over £40 since Xmas. The reason he stays up late is because the bigger clans are mostly Americans and because of the time difference, the best times to play are in the early hours! So now I understand!

Following our chat we have agreed he can go to bed no later than 11pm the nights before college or work. The other nights are his. I also have a feeling that while he is still playing, he is getting a bit tired of it. Sometimes he'll sit with me and ask to watch a film...

Both he and I share a competitive streak and I think that maybe this more about getting to the top than actually just playing it. Maybe when he reaches the top he'll see it's not worth the effort for a small amount of money or could he be the next Mark Zuckerburg?

I have been a mother for 19 years now and I am still trying to get it right. I have no siblings, no family close enough to help and their father hasn't been in touch for two years. I went to boarding school at 10 and didn't go home when I left at 17.
It's a real challenge getting it right when you have two sons, bigger than you, smarter than you and better behaved than when you were a teenager!

I DID try the Sky hub thing but it caused me problems and chucked me off here for a while! Hence my delayed reply. I had to reset it back again.
I searched online last night and found a tutorial video but I'm confused about the settings. I'm going to post a tech question.

HPoirot

supermum38 wrote: »

You are offering nothing constructive. Do you just trawl the forums to misquote people and have a dig because you have nothing better to do?

And I suppose you are having a dig at me now because you had better things to do than read my two constructive comments earlier?

And what was the misquote if you agreed that was exactly the point? My comment about your parenting?

bestpud

You seem caught between wanting to regulate his behaviour and treat him as an adult.

I'm glad you've spoken with him and listened to his reasons.

He should be willing to hear your point of view when it comes to him getting angry and refusing to help etc? If he isn't then I'd say he isn't mature enough to be treated as an adult.

Have you tried coming to an agreement and maybe discussing ways he can help himself break away at a certain point? It's actually very difficult to do mid game!

You could come down hard on him and take the xbox to work, but as said, he may get up to far worse on his own all evening with nothing to do!

What you want is for him to twig that playing games all night isn't healthy. He may be someone who has to learn that the hard way.

You don't seem to want to take the hard line approach so, if you left him to it and the worst happened - say he ended up being thrown out of college and lost his job, could you cope, emotionally and financially?

The answer to that question could help you decide whether to intervene or not.

ska_lover

supermum38 wrote: »

You are offering nothing constructive. Do you just trawl the forums to misquote people and have a dig because you have nothing better to do?


.

Unfortunately there are many posters who do that. They latch on to a thread where someone is asking for help, on a subject they know little about - and therefore can offer nothing constructive - not even constructive criticism, just belittling people - they just log on to try and pull people apart. Best thing to do is ignore.

You are clearly a good parent or you wouldn't have posted in the first place. Hopefully it is just a phase. My lad pulled stunts like this at this age - he grew out of it though

Person_one

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Yeah, cause that's normal isn't it? A 16 year old staying up till 3am playing on his xbox.

Um, isn't it?

HPoirot

ska_lover wrote: »

Unfortunately there are many posters who do that. They latch on to a thread where someone is asking for help, on a subject they know little about - and therefore can offer nothing constructive - not even constructive criticism, just belittling people - they just log on to try and pull people apart. Best thing to do is ignore.

... and breathe. Feel better?

I can see this post of yours is so much more constructive than what I have offered. I do apologise profusely.