16 year old son playing Xbox all night!

GwylimT

If you don't want to change the internet password/turn it off as thats apparently unfair, why not just take the xbox power cable with you? However, if you think he is spending too much time on the xbox I don't see why you would find it unfair if he couldn't waste an equal amount of time on the internet.

If you don't want him sleeping late in the day, don't let him.

barbarawright

Lieja wrote: »

I feel quite bad for OP's son - those games consoles are ridiculously addictive! Especially if he doesn't do well in a normal social situation.

If you really want this behaviour to stop you need to be consistently strict about it. If your eldest is reinforcing your rules (and you're happy that him being 'in charge' of your youngest won't cause bigger problems) then you've got to stick to your guns and not just let him off because it's been a hard day. How old is eldest?

Obviously you've got a lot on your plate, so how about a 'family meeting' sort of thing where you can lay down your house rules and make it clear that they 'must' stick to them. 16 year olds aren't adults, and if you're insistent on treating him like one then he'll think he can spend his nights doing what he likes.

Is he unhappy with his weight? This is definitely the part I'd be getting strict on if he's making himself ill! Is it just me that thinks 2.8 miles is entirely walkable? Or if time is an issue and you can afford it, get him a bike!

I honestly believe that not leaving the house unless you really have to and sitting in front of a screen all day is indicative of a problem either mentally or physically, and a bit of regular exercise can do wonders for energy levels, sleep patterns and self esteem.

It's not just you. I walked 2 1/2 miles to and from sixth form (mostly by choice to save bus fares). Clearly the local authority thinks it's walkable.

FBaby

I do agree with Steve to an extent. Risking losing a good relationship based on trust over something that up to this point has not officially caused trouble is not forcibly a good idea. However, if it a symptom of you having lost all control and respect, then you do need to tackle this. What you don't want is your son still living with you supported by you, dictating the house rules. It's all about balance and comes down to good communication.

Start by spending more time with him, gradually reinstating rules (maybe in terms of chores, time to come home etc...), talking to him about responsibilities and the risk of not being so, and keep an eye on how much it affects his life. After all, if he can adjust to getting up and going to school/work on the days he needs to, it is a different issue to him not getting up and missing school/work and risking losing his place/job.

Becles

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Gaming I feel is slightly different as he's not using it for social interaction - or is he?

It depends what he's playing. I've got 17 and 15 year old boys and they play online in xbox games. They chat to the other people through headsets and sometimes play in a team.

supermum38

I'm glad to hear some of you agreeing that as a 'child' he should be able to act like a 'child' and stay up playing games. That has been my mantra up until now. We have been through tough times and believe we have a good relationship and are able to be honest with one another. I promised myself I would not try to make them grow up too quickly but in this instance it feels like the youngest is going backwards. He's been playing his Xbox for years but never to this extent, and I worry more about him not going out and socialising than doing chores.

HIS Xbox is downstairs on a desk with HIS 22" tv and DV recorder (records game action) and HIS new laptop. He actually bought all these items himself with money he was given, saved or earned. I don't feel it would be right then to confiscate his belongings? Yes, I do pay for the broadband and so setting limits is MY right.

He has recently passed his CBT (I paid for both sons as a school leaving gift) and now has a scooter on hire to get to train station and work. This saves me fuel and paying for buses when I can't collect him. He pays for the hire and petrol himself. It is the train to college that is costly. It's just too far (25 miles) on nasty roads for him to ride especially in bad weather (and maniac drivers).

It's hard to find something he wants to do with me. We did the usual Xmas movie but he usually goes with his brother or mates he sees every now and then. I actually can't think of anything else? Yesterday I mentioned ice skating and he did not seem bothered. I thought about taking him back to archery. He did this when he was 9 and asked about doing it last year but it clashed with Army cadets. I will ask him..

I did have limits set on an old router and then we moved here and got Sky. I did not set restrictions as I was able to get him off myself. I guess this has all got worse since I started working nights. I have threatened to put the restrictions on but I can't figure out how to do this on the new Sky hub?

thorsoak

supermum38 wrote: »

I'm glad to hear some of you agreeing that as a 'child' he should be able to act like a 'child' and stay up playing games.

But you don't let "children" stay up all night playing on an X-box. As the parent YOU decide when enough is enough.That has been my mantra up until now. We have been through tough times and believe we have a good relationship and are able to be honest with one another. I promised myself I would not try to make them grow up too quickly but in this instance it feels like the youngest is going backwards. He's been playing his Xbox for years but never to this extent, and I worry more about him not going out and socialising than doing chores.

HIS Xbox is downstairs on a desk with HIS 22" tv and DV recorder (records game action) and HIS new laptop. He actually bought all these items himself with money he was given, saved or earned. I don't feel it would be right then to confiscate his belongings?
If he is responsible enough to buy these things, then he should be responsible for his sensible use of these belongings
Yes, I do pay for the broadband and so setting limits is MY right.

He has recently passed his CBT (I paid for both sons as a school leaving gift) and now has a scooter on hire to get to train station and work. This saves me fuel and paying for buses when I can't collect him. He pays for the hire and petrol himself. It is the train to college that is costly. It's just too far (25 miles) on nasty roads for him to ride especially in bad weather (and maniac drivers).

It's hard to find something he wants to do with me. We did the usual Xmas movie but he usually goes with his brother or mates he sees every now and then. I actually can't think of anything else? Yesterday I mentioned ice skating and he did not seem bothered. I thought about taking him back to archery. He did this when he was 9 and asked about doing it last year but it clashed with Army cadets. I will ask him..

I did have limits set on an old router and then we moved here and got Sky. I did not set restrictions as I was able to get him off myself. I guess this has all got worse since I started working nights. I have threatened to put the restrictions on but I can't figure out how to do this on the new Sky hub? Someone has given instructions as to how to set restrictions.

If he is mature enough and responsible enough to pass his CBT, he is mature enough and should be responsible enough to acknowledge that he takes some responsibility for getting himself enough sleep to enable him to get to college (and no, a "nasty cold" is not excuse enough to stay away).

Be strong!

claire16c

custardy wrote: »

By my answers,you probably get a flavour of my views
At 16 Im a great believer in nipping that sort of behaviour in the bud. My OH has a niece who is 22,and has worked about 3 months since leaving school(however with no real grades)

I agree with most of what you suggested but not the going to work with a cold part if he works in a fast food place. I dont want someone sneezing over my food! Bit different if he worked in a shop or something and unless its pretty nasty fair enough he should be at college

When I worked in a supermarket after school we were told not to go in if we had a cold or upset stomach. And I wasnt serving food just scanning it on the check out.

nuttywoman

My 33 yr old nephew is addicted to his xbox and pc even to the point of giving up jobs, he needs help but we have to wait until he goes and gets it x

mrcow

I would just set a rule.

Every day you don't go to college, your laptop, xbox and phone will be going to work with me and will be confiscated for 24 hours.

Every day that you're not in bed by midnight, ditto.

You're a parent. I know that you're saying you're too stressed to deal with it, but sorry, that's your job. It's what you're supposed to do. He's 16. He's a child and he needs boundaries.

Set the rules.
Work the rules.

Georgiegirl256

supermum38 wrote: »

I'm glad to hear some of you agreeing that as a 'child' he should be able to act like a 'child' and stay up playing games.

Yeah, cause that's normal isn't it? A 16 year old staying up till 3am playing on his xbox. You need to lay down some ground rules, who's the parent here? You? Or him?